Open Letter to God: Journey to the Crown

Dear God, 

It’s THAT time of year again….My Birthday….and A MILESTONE at that…Number 45 (seems like every 5 years a life altering event happens to me) 

Let’s recollect:

Age 5…my lil brother was “given” to me on my 5^th birthday

Age 10…Transferred schools…part of my heart stayed behind oh... I have two brothers now.

Age 15…My Quinceanera…that in itself is life altering…ahhh and I now have three brothers.

Age 20…Felt like I was the only virgin that existed on earth…however, I was very proud of it….waiting til I was married…by age 23 and first baby by age 25!

Age 25…The plan of being married at age 23 didn’t go exactly as planned…..I am a single mother…you know what happened….and let me add…I now have five brothers.

Age 30…Met the man that would become my husband

Age 35…A mother of two…nope not married yet…but the he still in the picture.

Age 40…I am married, still Mommy of two and now motherless…My mother is with You.

Present Day…Age 45…Divorced, still a Mother of two…trying so hard to stay focused on You, in You and with You.

You watched me transform through the years from conception to now…

In my teens I was so angry at You for all the life changing events that had occurred in my life, to the point of attempting to commit suicide. However, You had a different plan for me.

Then my twenties arrived, my oh my, the roughest decade of my life. I became a single mother, battled with my alcoholic mother, experienced the worse breakup in my life up to that point, fell into the worse depression and instead of attempting to take just my own life…I wanted take my daughter’s also. Again, You had a different plan in mind.

Ah then here come my thirties…the most challenging decade in life, thus far. I became a wife (which I was nowhere near prepared for), a homeowner, a business owner and figuring out that no matter how nice, caring, considerate or thoughtful I could be…*not everyone will like me. (*I still struggle with this one) and once again, my plan did not align with YOUR plan.

Which leads up to present day:

Half way through my forties *sigh

Lets’ see…

Business didn’t survive “the meltdown”, my mother passed away while I was at my worse with her and I am  now divorced.

I truly believe that all I have experienced is either a Blessing or a Lesson…the question is could I recognize them as either one?

Let’s see how I have done so far…

Blessing:

*You allowed me to live…which means I am still needed

*I gave birth to the most amazing children I could have ever asked for *Ahhhh I see part of Your plan now *wink*

*I was not alone when my mother passed…I had five brothers to share that loss with me & You never left me.

*I was married to the most caring & generous man who is an excellent father…

He raised a lil girl as his own & would fight anyone who tries to tell him the she’s not his babygirl. *Aha…another piece of Your plan I see

*After the divorce and much praying…we are friends. THAT is a blessing.

Lesson:

*Words have tremendous power and be careful what I say because I am listening.

*Being authentic may mean certain “friendships” become non-existent. That’s okay, only means You are making room for the ones that can appreciate me as  I am.

*Being a wife means more than being a stunning Bride…the wedding day doesn’t mean anything compared to the marriage that begins the day after the “I Do’s” are said.

*I was raised by a single mother, who was raised by a single mother…which only lead to me being raised to BE A single mother. I didn’t know how to be part of a partnership; someone willing to take on half of the load.

*I’m nowhere near perfect, I have broken every single commandment You have given us, however, the moment I asked You for forgiveness,  my past no longer mattered.

You gave me mercy and continue to love me unconditionally…  Hmmmm, wait… this should be under “Blessing” shouldn’t it?

This birthday has been a blessing because You remind me that, You...Our Heavenly Father is the King of All Kings and with You ALL things ARE Possible and when You intend it NOTHING can prevent because what is meant to be will always find its way.

I have learn to trust You with every aspect of my life...no holding back. With great sacrifice comes greater rewards.

So today at 3:41am, I want to say "Thank you, Father for the most amazing experience You have allowed me to be part of."

Love, 

Your Princess who grew up to be Queen!