You are Me: The Value of a True Friend

"A true friend will always hold your hand, through the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between & just when you think you want to let go, they will hold on tighter ."-Me

"The way you know if someone is your best friend: That person brings out the absolute best in you." That was the one profound comment that Pastor Rick Warren left me with when I left last week's service. 

As I get older I realize the quality of friendships matters most than the quantity. I have "Lord knows" how many aquaintacences but a very few people I call my friends. You know the ones...the ones that drop what they are doing to help you with whatever you need. The ones that you don't need to say anything because one look at you and they already know what you need. The ones that when you have no money, they'll give you their last dollar to make sure you make it through the next day. The ones that don't expect more than you can give and that's...just be you. 

With that...
There are certain friendships that are worth fighting for. Be that friend that you know you'd fight for.

6 Golden Rules
to be the Great Friend YOU deserve...

1. Invest the Time

These means when you're spending time with them...give them your undivided attention. Social Media, texts, emails can wait. They are giving you something you can never repay....their time. 

It's too precious to waste.

2. Earn their Trust

I still struggle with trusting those close to me...I'm a work in progress :) There are three key elements that are crucial with this piece, they are:

a. Be Reliable

b. Be Loyal

c. Keeping Confidences (Secrets)

Had I had people in my life that were like this, I probably wouldn't have the struggles that I do. Even at 45, I'm still learning.

3. Listen with Empathy

 When you listen, make sure it's with understanding not waiting to respond.

Not everyone will think as you do or react to situations in the same manner...just be there and listen. Most importantly listen for emotions not being said; their tone, their facial expressions, or body language can tell you far more than what their words may be saying.

4. Accept their flaws

"You're a good egg, even if you're a lil cracked" *wink*

Through it all they accept you warts and all, *chuckle* My Pastor likes to use this one quite a bit. However, its true...a great friend holds not judgments, they don't see the exterior....they see the real beauty that lies beneath the surface...your soul.

5. Celebrate wins and share losses

a. Joys are doubled

b. Sorrows are cut in half

God never intended for us to ever be alone. We were meant share our lives with others, no matter the kind of relationship it is...Friend, Family, Significant other, Co-Workers, etc.

When my life was in celebration mode, I couldn't keep up with the number of "friends" that were ready to share in that...however, the true test came when the "Losses" in my life occurred. That's when I learned the true definition of a "true friend"...they stand by you through the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between. They never let go even when I was ready to give up. I am truly grateful for them.

6. Bring out your Best

They risk rejection in order to be completely honest, because they are far more interested in your future than how you feel about them at that moment. (*times such as these I refer to as #truthmoment). 

I hope these are just as insightful for you as they have been for me.

As Always...Continue to:

Be Inspired

Be Inspiring 

 

Single and NOT Looking

This was written by a blogger that was featured on “The Praying Woman” website.

I could not have written it any better myself…this says exactly what I am experiencing. I am truly grateful for God’s Timing and showing me that I am not the only person going through similar challenges. 

“My sister and I were having a conversation about me not dating. I turn everybody down. I don’t give my number out, don’t accept any and I pretty much stay indoors as best as I can. So she asked me why (as she does on a consistent basis) and each time I give her a different answer that sounds reasonable: I’m too busy, he’s not saved, he parties too much… and the list goes on. Truth is, I just didn’t know how to tell her that I had a word from God and dating just isn’t in his plans for me right now. I knew the questions that would follow and there are just some things that are hard to explain… especially spiritual things.

However, truthfully speaking, there was a time in my life, about a year and a half ago, where I was really stressing God for a husband. I made a husband list, prayed over it, put the list under my pillow, put it in my bible, brought it to church… anywhere I felt like I could place it to make it happen for me ASAP. Before you knew it, I was telling myself that I am expecting my husband in faith, and so every brother that walked by me was possibly “him”.

It was stressful… and caused me to entertain some fakes. The more nothing happened, the more earnest my prayers became.

But as I continued to grow closer to God I learned one very important lesson, God is not as concerned about what we want or what we are to have, as He is concerned about WHO we are to become. It is nothing for God to open up his hands and give us anything. He actually wants us to have the desires of our hearts. But He will not do it at the expense of who we are to become. Our purpose is far more important to God and maturing in Him is a necessary first step.

As I look back I realized, since the day I gave my life to God, He has been working in me to mold me into ALL that He has created me to be. Therefore, I needed to align with Him and let that be my focus. With that lesson planted in my heart, I learned to let go and surrender. And, day by day, God’s love for me and plans for me are so crystal clear that I have no doubt that, in time, all things ordained for me will find me… husband included.

Even in this very difficult season I find myself in, truth is I have never known such peace and joy. I’ve fallen deeper in love with God and am falling deeper in love with myself – it’s like unearthing a treasure. Day by day I discover something else I am good at or passionate about and day by day I find out how deep God’s love for me is. I never even thought it possible to experience this level of relationship with a God I cannot see. Yet, He is even more real to me than this keyboard I am tapping away at.

While I don’t consider myself waiting or looking for a husband, I sure do desire to be married but in God’s time. I think marriage is just one of those things you want to leave all up to God. Because when we make a wrong choice or find ourselves manipulating outcomes, trying to get a man to pay attention to us or see our value, it doesn’t last – and then we’re left picking up the pieces.

Been there… done that. I’ve spent far too much time outside of the will of God, and it’s not nice out there, believe me.

Besides, I have so much going on right now on the path to finding my purpose – and there is still so much more that God needs me to do. My only prayer, in this season, is to stay focused on finishing this course and making it to the other side. Whatever awaits me there, I will welcome it. Until then, I seek only the kingdom of God and whatever else He wants me to have, He will add it onto me.”

So, the next time you see me out and about, know that I am perfectly content in my solitude.
God is transforming my King from the inside out, as He has done with me.
I trust His timing and His will...for I know:

 When God intends it, NOTHING can prevent it.

All is well.

Continue to Be Inspired,

Be Inspring

Open Letter to God: Journey to the Crown

Dear God, 

It’s THAT time of year again….My Birthday….and A MILESTONE at that…Number 45 (seems like every 5 years a life altering event happens to me) 

Let’s recollect:

Age 5…my lil brother was “given” to me on my 5^th birthday

Age 10…Transferred schools…part of my heart stayed behind oh... I have two brothers now.

Age 15…My Quinceanera…that in itself is life altering…ahhh and I now have three brothers.

Age 20…Felt like I was the only virgin that existed on earth…however, I was very proud of it….waiting til I was married…by age 23 and first baby by age 25!

Age 25…The plan of being married at age 23 didn’t go exactly as planned…..I am a single mother…you know what happened….and let me add…I now have five brothers.

Age 30…Met the man that would become my husband

Age 35…A mother of two…nope not married yet…but the he still in the picture.

Age 40…I am married, still Mommy of two and now motherless…My mother is with You.

Present Day…Age 45…Divorced, still a Mother of two…trying so hard to stay focused on You, in You and with You.

You watched me transform through the years from conception to now…

In my teens I was so angry at You for all the life changing events that had occurred in my life, to the point of attempting to commit suicide. However, You had a different plan for me.

Then my twenties arrived, my oh my, the roughest decade of my life. I became a single mother, battled with my alcoholic mother, experienced the worse breakup in my life up to that point, fell into the worse depression and instead of attempting to take just my own life…I wanted take my daughter’s also. Again, You had a different plan in mind.

Ah then here come my thirties…the most challenging decade in life, thus far. I became a wife (which I was nowhere near prepared for), a homeowner, a business owner and figuring out that no matter how nice, caring, considerate or thoughtful I could be…*not everyone will like me. (*I still struggle with this one) and once again, my plan did not align with YOUR plan.

Which leads up to present day:

Half way through my forties *sigh

Lets’ see…

Business didn’t survive “the meltdown”, my mother passed away while I was at my worse with her and I am  now divorced.

I truly believe that all I have experienced is either a Blessing or a Lesson…the question is could I recognize them as either one?

Let’s see how I have done so far…

Blessing:

*You allowed me to live…which means I am still needed

*I gave birth to the most amazing children I could have ever asked for *Ahhhh I see part of Your plan now *wink*

*I was not alone when my mother passed…I had five brothers to share that loss with me & You never left me.

*I was married to the most caring & generous man who is an excellent father…

He raised a lil girl as his own & would fight anyone who tries to tell him the she’s not his babygirl. *Aha…another piece of Your plan I see

*After the divorce and much praying…we are friends. THAT is a blessing.

Lesson:

*Words have tremendous power and be careful what I say because I am listening.

*Being authentic may mean certain “friendships” become non-existent. That’s okay, only means You are making room for the ones that can appreciate me as  I am.

*Being a wife means more than being a stunning Bride…the wedding day doesn’t mean anything compared to the marriage that begins the day after the “I Do’s” are said.

*I was raised by a single mother, who was raised by a single mother…which only lead to me being raised to BE A single mother. I didn’t know how to be part of a partnership; someone willing to take on half of the load.

*I’m nowhere near perfect, I have broken every single commandment You have given us, however, the moment I asked You for forgiveness,  my past no longer mattered.

You gave me mercy and continue to love me unconditionally…  Hmmmm, wait… this should be under “Blessing” shouldn’t it?

This birthday has been a blessing because You remind me that, You...Our Heavenly Father is the King of All Kings and with You ALL things ARE Possible and when You intend it NOTHING can prevent because what is meant to be will always find its way.

I have learn to trust You with every aspect of my life...no holding back. With great sacrifice comes greater rewards.

So today at 3:41am, I want to say "Thank you, Father for the most amazing experience You have allowed me to be part of."

Love, 

Your Princess who grew up to be Queen!

No Fear

You know as my 45th birthday (August 9th...yes, I know 2 months away)  approaches I ponder where my life is at & what I have accomplished thus far...*I do this every year around this time. 

 In the past, as my children were growing up, I always use to be so afraid of if my time were up I'd miss out on so much of their lives...so I'd beg God...keep me here until I see my great grand babies. 

Yesterday as I reflected...I thought for moment as a little girl how God placed two dreams in my heart that I know will still come to pass. 

However, as I thought about those dreams...I realized that I have experienced both of them already, so to speak. 

1. Write a Book that would give people hope- The book is written in my soul, just need to transfer it to paper BUT I have written so much other stuff on my Facebook page and here that you all have read & felt it was exactly what you needed at that moment ...so the experience of having someone read my work & felt hopeful about theirs lives? Check✔️

2. Grow Old with the Love of My Life-Well I'm divorced...what does that tell you??? However, I have loved another that it felt like it was for all eternity. So experiencing a love that was greater than I ever had? Check✔️

As parents we'd want to see our children LIVE an amazing life...but all I ever hoped & prayed for regarding mine was that they were happy, that they felt loved in every possible way, that they felt safe in every situation, that they knew they were never alone...God is always with them....and you know what? They are & they do! 

So my babies happy? Check✔️

I had the money to provide everything to everyone...name brands this, names brands that, had it....but God knew that I placed material items above Him and took it from me. Brought me to my knees & showed me I was at perfect place to ask for mercy & show me how to become a better person. 
Since then I have never been more happier. 

So when I looked back on my life & where I am at...I smiled, took a deep breath & said, 
"Yes Father, if today is the day that You say it's time to come home...I'm ready."

You see, Mi Gente, when you begin to truly live your life as each day is your last, THAT is when you truly begin to LIVE. No Fear! 

Don't forget, Mi Gente. Love one another, be kind & gentle to each other. 

PS I am as healthy as healthy could be. However...God does not discriminate. 

Stay Blessed always &  IN all ways!

Always Be Inspiring

Be Inspired

It started with a kiss...Eighty Years Ago

Papa & Mama Morales of Guadalajara, MX

80 years later and they're still in love as the day they said "I Do"

When I first heard about this beautiful couple it was a year ago. My divorce had just been final and I was struggling with the question: Do people still grow old with their one true love?

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love…LOVE. I thought maybe this dream wasn’t in the cards for me…maybe there isn’t such a thing.

Maybe…just maybe I am destined to be alone…not that there is anything wrong with that, because if that’s God’s will…then it’s God’s will and I am okay with that.

But deep in my soul I knew that wasn’t the case; God must have sensed my doubt  because then I started to come across various stories and pictures of couples that had been married 40, 50, 60 years before one of the spouses had passed away. All their stories were pretty much the same… how they loved each other til the day God called one of them home.

Then I was told first hand of a beautiful couple from Guadalajara Mexico who had been married over 70 years and BOTH are still alive

It was when I started working with their granddaughter, Johanna Aceves. She had casually mentioned how her grandfather was 100 and her grandmother 99 and been married “ a long time”.  Hearing about their love I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I began to cry. My soul began to sing because it was filled with hope once again. I had every intention to write about them then, but it never happened and now I know why.

This month the loving couple has celebrated their 80^th wedding anniversary…80 years together! WOW!

 I can only imagine all that they have been through… not only as a couple but as individuals as they watch the world around them transform into what it is today.

Below is a conversation that took place between Johanna’s mother and her 101 year old grandfather on Easter:

*NOTE: I translated the convo in English…as best as this “pocha” could do ;-P

Daughter: Hola Dad, how are you?

Dad: Hola Mija great, just here with your mother. How are you?

Daughter: I’m good just here working

Dad: Oh how I wish I could do that too! but my legs are too tired now, I’m too old now! i wake up have breakfast with your mother, we sit in the living room and hold hands, I take her out for walks to the plazita and come back to the house….we have lunch, sit around the living room until it’s time for bed. . I don't know what I would do without her. If anything were to happen to her...I pray God take me at the same time because to live a minute without her, for me, is not living. When it's our time, I want to be buried with her, NOT beside her but in the same casket...together.

Daughter: Dad, if that truly is your desire...when that time comes...I will make sure your wish is fulfilled.

When Johanna came into work that Monday and shared this conversation with me…I cried because THAT is absolute true blue, unconditional love. This is a love that we should all, no matter how long we have been married, to strive for.

I believe God had Johanna share the story not to tell me how long they been married….but to share HOW  they love and that’s….unconditionally.

So my question was: Do people still grow old with their one true love?

And He answered: YES!

Johanna was kind to send me the pictures of her grandparents and ‘some” of the family members

10 kids-(Burgandy) 52 grand kids (Navy Blue) 102 great grand kids (Green) 17 great great grandsons (Orange)

A very special blessing to the Morales Lineage (Children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, great great grandchildren…etc)

You all have been truly blessed to come from such a loving union that was truly touched by the hand of God. My prayer for each and every one of you is that you all be just as blessed and strong rooted as the “roots” that started this loving family tree. Stay Blessed always and in ALL ways!

Johanna thank you for sharing the most loving part of your family you have no idea what this has done for my soul. 

*with all the couples that have been married 50, 60 & 70 years going viral...Let's get Papa & Mama Morales out there, too. Please share their beautiful love around the world.

 Happy 80th Wedding Anniversary, Papa & Mama Morales!!!

As always Mi Gente, continue to:

Be Inspired,

Be Inspiring

One Year Since...The Finale

Hello My Readers,

As you all know it was a year ago today that I was crawled up in a fetus position mourning the end of my marriage...well…a lot has happened since.

Like the quote above says:

“Every story has an end, but in life every ending is just a new beginning”

Funny, I had read this quote so many times before but never resonated until now.

My divorce was something I never imagined for myself…I’m an old fashion kinda girl who believes in romance and growing old with “The One”.

However, what this has taught me was that I really needed to work on myself. I needed to be the kind of wife that God had destined for me to be.

In my first marriage, I was not.

My ex husband is a good man and he deserved to have someone that would be the kind of wife he was destined to have, sadly, I was not that woman.

When the divorce was final it was hard for us to speak to each other, so we only communicated via text or through the kids (*which by the way, was a HUGE No No on both our parts).

And... since I was the one who asked for the divorce, I allowed people to look at me as the villain. Which was killing my spirit every day.

I prayed every moment that I could that God get our family through the storm and place peace in every ones hearts including those who wished me to “jump off a cliff”.

After much praying, I realized, I am not the villain; I was just a woman who was in a marriage where neither party was happy. Just turned out I was the one who spoke up and pointed out the proverbial elephant in the room.

So today…one year after the storm…I am very grateful to say that our family is...Happy. My ex Husband & I are able to talk and joke around, just like old friends. We had met up for dinner and he looked so at peace…God truly is phenomenal!

The kids now get the best of both their parents and never feel that they need to choose between either of us because one thing he & I were very clear about was …the kids.

As long as they felt loved, secured, & taken care of, all would be fine.

I haven’t started dating yet…though I do see it on the horizon 😉

My primary focus is to move out of the house…my ex husband said, “It’s time for you to begin your new journey, what better way that your own apartment.”

My very own place to make my new memories of this amazing life that God intended for me to have. Wow! I get butterflies just thinking about it. 

What a Blessing to be given and I received it with my whole heart open!

There is much truth when newlyweds are being advised that, “Communication is key”…you know what? It really IS key.

Now I’ve learned before I speak on anything, I allow myself 24 hours to simmer on it, if it still in the pit of my stomach, it needs to be spoken. If not, then I know it was my Ego that was bruised in the moment and I let it go.

I know there is still much more for me to learn about myself before I get into another relationship, but the one thing I do know for certain is: that when I do…this time it will not be on my watch but on God’s Perfect Timing.

Stay Blessed, Mi Gente!

As always…

Be Inspiring

Be Inspired

Being Grateful: The Attitude of Gratitude

Being Grateful: The Attitude of Gratitude 

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more...It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing and mistakes into important events."-Melody Beattie

After living in this house that was my home for the past 7 years, I have come to realize that what I fought so hard for was not what was meant for me. The house served it's purpose & I grieved and then saw the blessing of a new path to a new future ahead me. All is well! 

Therefore, I say express gratitude in All things. You never know which of those is the blessing you've been expecting. 

Stay Blessed, Mi Gente! #gratefulinallthings #newchapter #newhomein2014