My Anyway Friend

I was watching an episode of "Private Practice"; Taye Diggs character "Sam' had to say a toast at his 15 year old daughter's wedding. (don't even get me started on that one, thats a whole 'nother blog)

Sam goes on to say in his toast how when his daughter was a little girl, she would call him her "Anyway" friend. He nor the viewers for that matter, knew what an "Anyway Friend" was. To be honest, neither did i, but when he went on to explain, he made perfectly good sense.

An Anyway Friend is a friend that no matter what you did, no matter how you behave, no matter what you say, no matter what life throws at your friendship they love you ANYWAY!

Isn't it funny how a child could come up with a term like that but as adults we make all these excuses.

To All my Anyway Friends...I am truly blessed that our paths have crossed and we have been part on one another's lives.

It is a true blessing to have an Anyway Friend!!

Remember to always....

Be Inspiring, Be Inspired

my Anyway Friends.

Ash Wednesday....Lent begins today!

Look what

I decided

to give

up for Lent!

Emotional writer. Yup, this is going to be an emotional entry. Since Lent begins today I had to decide what I was going to give up. I had been debating between chocolate, all meat, bread and sex...yeah, I know..I know.. what was I thinking adding "giving up CHOCOLATE".

Well Lent is about man trying to follow the example of Jesus in the desert by giving up luxuries and practicing self discipline. And....to try to put aside more time for religious acts and pray so we can really let God into our lives. (Bible study for the day)



So on that, I narrowed my list to these two items...red meat ( and I love me some carne asada) and chocolate (don't get me started about my Lindt Lindor Truffles..ugh...the madness...which by the way I had may last piece today...upwrapping that decadent piece of marvelosity (is that a word? Damn..well today it IS!!!) mmmm...something this good has to be a sin...wait, I think it is..this is one reason I'm gving it up, right? I mean..women across the world has lost there ever loving minds for a piece of this chocolate heaven...*mmmm..chocolate heaven). * in my Homer Simpson..."mmmm donuts" voice.

I chose red meat only so not everyone in my household suffers. I can still cook chicken and fish.

Regarding bread and sex...Bread...well its in nearly everything I eat... depending how you categorize it...tortillas..bread, no? pancakses..bread, no? And sex? Welllll...my husband would have to agree to that and I highly doubt he would. He'd probably throw our vows at me stating that between the lines of "Sickness and health, richer or poorer" lies...the imaginary ones that count are "give your husband the remote whenever he wishes and gives husband sex whenever he demands, with chocolate milk on the side".

That is how I determined that red meat and chocolate would the unlucky contenders this Lent.

Wish me luck that I will have the self discipline as Jesus did walking the desert for 40 days without any luxuries.

Yes. Chocolate and carne asada are luxuries...to me!

*Please note that I am in no way making light of Lent. My apologies in advance if you feel I am.

I write about everything that goes on with me and writing is how I chooose to express the struggle I will be going through for the next 40 days. And...i have to make interesting so my readers know they are not alone....again everything i do...is soooo emotional.

Age 40 My First Rejection Letter

Yes, you all read right...my first rejection letter from The New Yorker was recieved today. I submitted my piece called "The Day Her Brown Eyes Turned Blue", which is about the day my Mother passes away. It was one of the toughest pieces I've ever had to write. I'm so happy and proud of myself that I had the courage to let the fear of rejection subside and submit the work.

I know submitting to the New Yorker was a long shot but after doing some research, I learned that every piece that gets submitted is read. GETS READ!!! Every. Piece. What did i have to lose? Even if they don't reply to me...every piece gets read.

Just knowing that was enough for me, but then I get this email. An email that says "We regret that are unable to use the emclosed material. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider it. Sincerely The Editors"

Whoa! The Editors.

You should have seen my face when I opened up the email. I must looked like a teenage girl that gets a reply from their favorite heart throb, MJ, you know the ones? The letters, that are actually written by their PR people but you cant tell that teenager that, as far as they're concerned it came directly from Michael Jackson HIMSELF!!!"

As far as I was concerned...it came directly FROM the Editors themselves...i didnt care if it was just a signature that the flunkies use..nope, did not care..why? Because someone at the New Yorker read MY work...hell, even if it was the janitor...didn't matter..he cleans desks at The New Yorker, doesn't he?..therefore he qualifies; he's there and he read it!

Funny, i never been this excited about recieving a rejection in my life..ever.

I'm not going to lie...its scary especially at my age, 40. I hear that a lots of editors want something young and fresh, all I need is just one to say "yes".

So, until I hear or read that three letter word..I will continue to visualize what I want in my mind. I will see it, feel it, taste it and believe in it. I will make my mental blue print, I set the foundation by not allowing my fear of failure or rejection take over and now i will continue to build it.

Remember to continue to be Inspiring and Be Inspired....I know I will.

Today was definitley a good day!-Ice Cube

Valentine's Day 2010

This year's Valentines Day was a memorable one. As you will see I am posting from my new iPhone that I recieved from my hubby along with dance lessons that I have been talking about wanting to take (btw I will be blogging about how the lessons are going, so wish me luck...40 yr old vs 20 somethings)

Hubby took me and our son out to an early dinner, the daughter had a photo shoot to go do, so she was unable to join us (she trying to earn some money for her new phone, camera, shoes who knows but she'll be paying for it not us)

This isn't much an entry, I wanted to test the blogging from my new toy. Especially since this is the main purpose for it. To blog whenever my big heart contents!

Well my readers, Im off to take my 6 year old son to go see a movie.

Remember to always continue to be inspiring and be inspired!

Til the next entry!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

25 Random Things You May Not Know About Me!

1. I auditioned to be a Fly Girl (that's the year pinchi Jennifer Lopez was announced as the new Fly Girl...I was robbed!!!)

2. I was in LA Style Magazine for a feature that was done on "Underground Hip Hop Clubs in LA" a photographer was taking pictures of my friends and I doing different routines..what can I say...it was the 90's.

3. My life long Dream was to become a backup dancer for Janet Jackson, that's why 1 & 2 existed..in hopes to get "discovered"...but then God had a different plan for me..that was to become the mother of an amazing daughter who will make one helluva mark on this earth!

4. I'm an aspired writer...I'm currently writing an inspirational book.

5. Since the first time i ever saw Beat Street, I always knew somehow FATE would take me to New York....I married a Nuyorican with strong tie still there....His Mama!

6. I have a scar under my chin, got that when i was 2..i was taking a bath and decided to walk on the ledge on the tub, slipped and then 6 stitches later.

7. Contrary to popular belief I am not Puerto Rican. I AM Mexican and Italian. Married a Rican and some times I EVEN foget.....Hmmm...chisme or bonchinche?

8. I left the country for the first time when i was 30, my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) took me on a Caribbean Cruise...first stop Miami (LOVED IT!!) and then Puerto Rico...WEPA!! Gotta go back, they still celebrate Commonwealth holidays and lots of places were closed...Coma' you, me and my 40th!!! oh...and I plan to visit Italy one day.

9. I had always wanted to celebrate a Times Square New Years.. New Years 2005..we did and that's when my husband got down on one knee to ask me to marry him...in the middle of Times Square at 12:01am. After..I even stopped a random NYC Cop and told.."I just got engaged in your amazing City!!"

10. My first love whom I thought I was suppose to marry gave me away on my wedding day....If you know me, only in my world would something like that happen!

11. My Bestest, I've know for 22 years and we've been meeting for MNF for 2 years goin on 3. He helps understand my husband and men for that matter...Ladies every woman needs a male Best Friend...Trust...it helps.

12. I believe I'm one of the most positive people you'll ever meet..I cleanse my self of negativity everyday. Life is too short to allow it in your life. I randomly text my daughter these words..." My Princess, know you are the daughter of a Queen and you ARE destined for GREAT things!!" Ask her.. she'll tell you its true!

13. I am a huge fan of Patti Labelle...I even had a chance to meet her and was speechless...yes..ME speechless, one amazing woman...from her I learned to never Block my Blessings...go through life with a closed fist and the blessings will never have a chance to flow through...AMEN!

14. I believe all women are Queens, they just need to believe it themselves...this is why I started the Reina movement...When i greet ANY woman..whether the checker at the grocery store, the cashier at Taco Bell or an operator...they all get the same greeting..."Hello Queen how is your day? or Hola Reina come estas?" They look puzzled at first, then the smile shines brighter..try it, you'll see what i mean!

15. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart...15 years ago, i was working in a store, an elderly gentleman was paying for his items..opened his wallet to get his money and I notice a beautiful woman..probably taken in the 1950's...i told him.."what a stunning woman" he smiled with a gleamed in his eye and said, "That is my wife" and then he teared up and he said, "The best decision i ever made in my life was marrying my wife". I remember after he left i went to the stock room and cried...it was that kind of love with that much conviction that i wanted...at the age of 36...i got it! You're right Coma' ...never settle...I didnt!

16. When i was pregnant with my daughter, I was so scared to tell my family, that I "plotted" with my Comadre to go with her to Chicago and have the baby there and come back with her and tell everyone that my Comadre was the baby's mother, but she couldn't keep her so I would be raising her as my own...uh...anyone who has ever seen my daughter knows that I "spit her out" she looks exactly like me...yeah, yeah, I know that some Novela shit!!! Thanks Coma' for letting lose my marble for a second there.

17. I chose my daughter's Godmother, not based on that fact that she was my Best Friend when my daughter was born, but more based on the qualities she possessed. She is strong minded, she would never allow any differences that we may have to come in between her and her Goddaughter, she a very proud Latina, she is driven and very focused...qualities i want my Princesa to have and be surrounded by.

18. I attended the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising....I wanted to own my own boutique that had an underground night club....but didn't get my degree...had to quit to help my family.

19. I LOVE the GODFATHER...I live my life by it...especially...never choosing sides against the family..ever. And not just family with the same DNA...but FAMILY!!!

20. My zodiac sign is a Leo...which is why have have that protective gene and very loyal...when i got you, I GOT YOU..but when my loyalty is questioned...nothing can be the same.

21. I am the only girl with 4 brothers, whom i helped raised...they have all told me that they've always considered me their 2nd Mother....now that our Moms has passed and have moved up in rank. Some tough shoes to fill.

22. Some of my mother's last words to my brother about me were..." I gave your sister all the strength in the world, she can handle ANYTHING...but i forgot to give her some patience" yes, I am very impatient.

23. A writer writes some of their best work in their darkest moments...this is very true. when I am happy i get writer's block.

24. The best advise my Bestest ever gave me was.."You know the difference between a victim and a fighter? A victim lies there is gets ready to get f--ked! A fighter comes out of their corner swinging! Which are you?" I always come out swinging!!! Now, which are you?

25. When I've had a bad day..you know lost a job, lost a love one, had a huge fight with a person that matters to me...I always play my wedding video, it was the most happiest day of my life...I watch it so i can be reminded of how happy i was and what that feeling of that day was like so i can re-live it. everyone should have something like that, some thing to help them remind them of their most happiest moment. Remember, Victim or Fighter?

Most Favorite quote:
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou....

My Love Affair with Music!

There have been a lot of changes happening, personally and professionally. I won't bore any of you with details but I want to share with you the one thing that seems to stay consistent in my life...aside from my family, close friends, and of course bill collectors and the IRS and that is .....my music.

No matter what my happens in my life, good, bad, celebrations, heartaches, tragedies, nor the status my mood, my emotion, my feelings...my music is ALWAYS there and continues to be, with no judgements or criticism... unless I ask for it.

Have you ever listened to a song and remember exactly where you were, what you wore, what you smelled when you first heard that song?

I ask Michael about this all the time and he thinks I'm just crazy...but something about the music....certain songs become a timeline, of ...my life, if you will.

You may think this is a version of Common's "I Use To Love Her", but the love I'm describing is not about the changes of hip hop but that of all music...different genres, different artists...and a different me for each love....this is a love story of how music saved my soul.

It all starts when I was a lil girl maybe about three or four, it was before any of my brothers were born or even a thought for that matter; my mom use to take me driving around the city with her to people watch and just listen to music. She use to play the radio loud so she and i would bob our heads and dance, well...as much as we could in a moving car. Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl" came on and she would sing it to me. I had brown eyes and she'd always called me her "Brown Eyed Girl"...though the song was nothing about a child but that more of young summer love. Listening to that song takes me right back to that moment when it was just her and I. The day my mother died..she told me how much she loved me and for me to always think of her when I hear this song. Even as Im typing this now, the tears are streaming down my cheek...I miss her.

Elementary:


Growing up...I spent lots of time with my Grandmother...oh how I adored her. She was a big fan of Norteno music...you know.."Los Tigres de Norte", Ramon Ayala and Antonio Aguilar"...you know? They played accordian type music...c'mon.. you know? I can remember when the school year would start; I'd spend the night at her house and she would get up at 4am to make fresh flour tortillas...the minute I heard the accordian music start and the "Ay ya ya's" begin...it was time to get a fresh tortilla off the "comal". Can't listen to norteno music without thinking of my Abuela and her tortillas! Oh, how I miss her and her amazing cooking.


Elementary school years went on and then, Grease was the word! A classmate brought his Grease soundtrack record...yes..record..and started playing "Grease Lightening:...we all started laughing when "Danny" starts to sing how they'll be getting girls:

You know that aint no shit we"ll be getting lots of tit

in Grease Lightning

Wow!! We've come ALONG way from just saying "shit" and "tit" in music.

Imagine Tupac, Eminem or Biggie listening to this?....they'd probably think it was some type of nursery rhyme.

Wait...doesn't a Barney song have 'shit' and 'tit' in it...

"I love you, you love me...you take a shit while grabbing on your mama's tit"...no?

Maybe Dr. Seuss...

I do not like green eggs and ham
Sam I Am....

I do not like eggs on the file

I do not like them in any style

I will not take them while i shit

I will not take them while I grab her tit....No?

I begin to laugh every time when I hear that song...we thought we were doing something back then, sneaking around to listen to this song with "curse" words.

I remember hearing, Michael Jacksons "Can't stop if you get enough", I was nine years old playing in the yard when this song came on the radio...all i thought was "Michael left the Jackson 5?"...saved my weekly quarter allowance to buy the "Off the Wall" album when it came out. To this day...still one of my favorite albums...RIP Michael...a music great!...a part of me feels like a widow now.


Junior High:


My first crush was when I was 11. I was in charge of taking song dedications for our school newspaper and I placed a dedication to my crush:

To: Jose S.
Song: When we Get Married
From: An Admirer

He had no clue who I was and here I was dedicating The Intruders, "When We Get Married"...boy I was bold back then...but then again when you're remain anonymous, its amazing the things you can do. Now when I hear that song...I get giddy...don't tell my husband, though...this song was in our wedding video.

I remember this one time when I was 12, I had gotten onto a huge argument with a cousin and barged into my house and fell on my bed. I can remember having that feeling of anger and then I heard the Delfonics "La La Means I love you" all of a sudden, I was overcomed with a sense of calmness and the anger went away. I didnt understand how my anger could be gone just like that, especially after hearing a song. I asked my Mom why I felt real calm with this song; she said, "Its because I use to sing this song to you when you were a baby, it was the only way you'd sleep."


Part of the lyrics say:

If I ever saw a girl
That I needed in this world
You are the one for me

Funny...when I started dating, I always imagined the guys trying to vie for my love with a line like this. I smile to myself when I think about that now....hmmmm didnt quite work out like that.

When I was in the eighth grade; I had made the drill team and the first routine we learned was to Zapp's "Do Wah Ditty"....now 25+ years later, when I hear that song I stop what I'm doing to start doing formation...march... left...left...left right left...., hands on hips... point left arm straight to swing around...arms to the front..."Do wah...Do wah ditty..." Good times while rocking the maroon and gold....with my gold Nike Cortez'...thats right i said it..CORTEZs.....Go Cougars!!!...wait...I WAS a cougar EVEN back then...should have known...."Do Wha..Do wha ditty"

High School:

"I Want My MTV" was being chanted by every adolecent in the 80's and I was sure as hell was one of them!

How cool were the VJ's? They got to see all the music videos whenever they wanted as many times they wanted to.

Prince's Purple Rain album had just hit the airwaves..and the tv... "Let's Go Crazy", was my favorite cut.

My tv was glued on MTV so I could run to it every time i heard it come on...and I knew...the second I heard:

"Dearly Beloved..'

I'd run from my room, raise the volume on the t.v. and begin to finish the intro with Prince...

"we are gathered here today..

to get through this thing called life..

Electric word..Life, it means forever..

and thats a mighty long time,

but im here to tell you, there's something else..

The After World!"

A world of never ending happiness

U can always see the sun, day or night

So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills

(this is where i act like im talking on the phone, calling the shrink)

You know the one? Dr. Everything'll Be Alright

Instead of asking of much of your time is left

(I point to my watch..you know for "time"?)

Ask him how much of your mind, baby

(pointing to my head)

Cuz in this life..

things are much harder in the After World

In this life

Your On Your OWN!

And if the elevator tries to bring you down...

GO CRAZY (do crazy motion to your head)

punch a high floor!!!"

AND then.....I'd dance around the living room "going crazy"...ahhhh...to be 14 again!!!

The Summer going into my sophmore year was the Summer of my Passage to Womanhood...My Quinceanera! The party you spend most of your life planning...nothing like today's Super Sweet whatever...it was a party that all you cared about was..... making it in the local newspaper...for me..it was Neighborhood News!!! and how thrilled I was when I made the front page!!!

I choreographed and planned the waltz for weeks and we peformed it to: Chicago's "Color My World"

As Im typing this, I'm listening to it right now...I remember every step, every bow, every courtsey and the turn spins...I even marched through an arch of canes....my court's escorts wore tails, top hats and canes...what? it was the 80's and it was soooooo in. It was the best night of my life...I even fell asleep in my big ass dress.

My first kiss I was *cough* *cough* when I was 16...I was a late bloomer...my parents were extremely strict...especially since i was the only girl; I wasn't allow to date until I was 18....and I didnt dare defy my parents.

I spent that summer with my cousin, who lived in what we all thought was the other side of the world...now being driving veteren...it was actually the other side of Pomona..West Covina to be exact.

It was a hot summer night and one of my guy cousin's friend was visiting from East LA. It was late and everyone had gone to bed except he and I; we were listening to Bernard Wright's "Who Do You Love" and then he stole a kiss. I remember feeling awkward...its wasnt like i spent time practicing on my hand or a balloon full of pudding like the girls from "Now and Then" for this moment to happen. It definitely was memorable. Mmmmm....Love that song!

Fall arrived and of my Hip Hop awakening..."Beat Street" was out and I was in love with New York...I moved to a new neighborhood and there were neighborhood kids that would meet up at the neighborhood community center and breakdance...just like the Rock Steady Crew!

They were listening to World Famous Supreme Team's "Hey DJ"...when my cousin and I walked by to see them dance.

The boys would breakdance while the girls danced from left to right...shake shake to the left, freeze, shake shake shake to the right, freeze.

"Hey DJ just play that song, keep me dancing...all night"

We later would become friends with most of the people that were there...to this day they remain very dear to my heart.

Cha Cha style hits the scene...or you may know it as Freestyle or High Energy Disco: Connie, Cover Girls, Trinere, Sweet Sensation, Seduction, Nocera, Lime, Cynthia, Stevie B...ANY number of those songs take me right back to the best two years of my high school life. It was scene of satin tops, lots of pearls, different color pumps, big hair and Agua Net was our best friend...wait sounds like I'm describing Valley Girls....yeah yeah...but we were Latin versions of them...instead of Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"...it was Connie's "Funky Little Beat" Good friggin times!!!

After High School:

I meet my first boyfriend the fall after I graduated high school (remember,,,not allowed to date til i was 18) and we loved Salt n Pepa's "Push it"...he even says everytime he hears that song he thinks of our first meeting, Knotts Berry Farm's Studio K....you memmer!!!

Our love was every Keith Sweat and Al B Sure song sung....I can't listen to any of their songs without thinking of him. He's still one of my dearest friends to this day...and he even gave me away at my wedding....yeah I know...things like this only happen in MY World!!!

Then the clubbing begins and my romance with music begins to climax....my love of underground hip hop becomes evident. In how I dressed and my dancing style.

Boogie Down Production's "The Bridge is Over"...hearing the synthasizers ( i think they're synths) and the piano rhythm in the beginning...whoa...my heart skips a beat everytime I hear that cut

Manhattan keeps on makin it, Brooklyn keeps on takin it

Bronx keeps creatin it and Queens keeps on fakin it

Di di di da di di dida di da...aiy!

I actually got to meet them when they were on tour out here. It was definitley a fly moment in my life. BDP!!!

During this time, I was also a huge Janet Jackson fan and my dream was one day to be one of her backup dancers. I use to hit all sorts of underground clubs in hopes of being "discovered". My all time favorite album of hers is Rhythm Nation 1814 and I knew the choreography to all her music. It was Janet Jackson's "Miss You Much" that I attempted to karaoke to and it was also at that time that I realized that though I may dance like Janet...I definitely didnt sing like her. When reviewing the tape of the gawd-awful performance...i kep telling my girl..."i sound like someone but who?"...then it HIT me...I sounded exactly like Brittany Friggin Chipmunk...squeak and all!!!! It was definitely an experience.

I would later take another jab at karaoke and found that through the years I actually got better and started to sound just like Mary J Blige or En Vogue depending on the song.......well...that's after 6 cadillac margaritas with an extra shot of Cuervo...oh! not for me but for the audience...the alcohol would numb their ears so the squeaking sound coming from my mouth wouldn't be so piercing when i started to sing in the mic.....just stating fact..thats all.

My romance becomes international when I get introduced to Dancehall Reggae music; beginning with Pinchers and Papa San. I felt the beat just hug my curves and seduced me to wine low and shake my bum. Dancehall music has truly become my secret love ...if i had to label my musical relationship..R & B would be my husband and Dancehall would be my mister...mister?...mistress?...lover? you get the idea..and when I want to feel wanted and passionate; I'd just insert tape and press play. (yes, i said TAPE..cd's nor mp3's existed yet)

House music was making its way to the west coast from the Chi and it was about that time I met my Comadre Jenny...who by the way wasn't my comadre yet...When i first met her I had just been transferred to the Jay Jacobs in Lakewood Mall...ya'll memmer Jay Jacobs. She walked in and i instantly didnt like her. We both shared an assistant managers position and i was a cocky bitch and felt that i didnt need to share any position with any one. She walked in and was wearing this black and white geometric looking dress with a wide headband...it was the nineties and block, geometric looks were in. I thought to myself, she reminded me of someone and at the moment the store radio started to play Deee Light's "Groove is in the Heart" and that was it..she reminded me of Deee Light with hefr short bop and headband...i was stuck working with her side by side for inventory that day and by the end of our shift...i loved her! and..really liked house music!

I started to hang out with Jenny alot; she and her Mom used to go to this spot in West Covina called Wings...they played salsa music, the closest i ever got to listening to salsa music was watching Robbie Rosa (ex-Menudo) in the movie "Salsa"...seeing it live was completely different and amazing. Watching the salsa band play the different instruments and watching the people dance as if it were flowing water and so in sync...was just...GWOW!!! it truly is a dance that if you have the wrong partner...you can look like shit dancing. Jen turned me on to Grupo Niche and the one hit i remember was "Cali"..it was also part the "Salsa" soundtrack.

With the birth of my daughter, Isis, came my love of classical music. My mentor, who was alive at the time, said that having Isis listen to classical music as an infant will allow her to appreciate music that much more. So...she brought out Beethoven, Bach, the Three Tenors and she was right...Isis to this day can listen to anything, as I, and appreciate the talent behind it.

(by the way, Jenny was interning in Chicago at the time of my pregnancy and when it came time for me to have Isis, Jen's plane has just landed in LAX and instead of going home, she went straight to the hospital to watch Isis be born....and THAT's how she became my comadre...lil tid bit of what else goes on in my world)

Now that I was a mother and raising this beautiful lil girl, my dream of becoming a dancer had to be placed on the backburner. However, my affair with music hadn't ceased, my child was a result of that love affair. Color Me Bad's "I Wanna Sex You Up" had hit the airwaves and seemed like you could hear it in every car passing by or out of most of the windows in the neighborhood including mine.

Later, things didn't work out with him and I began to feel the lonliness of being a single Mom. I remember hearing Cheryl Pepsi Riley's "Thanks for my Child"...and it was this "letter" if you will, stating no worries, the greatest blessing in life was this beautiful little gift from an incredible union and God had blessed ME to carry her. Here are a couple bars of the lyrics:

You came into my life, You just made everything right.
And even though my man has left me behind,
I don't regret a thing for having you.
I'll stay and watch you grow, Yes I will! I'll raise you by myself, A one woman show.
You make life worth singing a song
With you right here with me,
I 'll have the strength to go on.

Yes, true blessing. Lord, Thank you for MY child.

I went through a rough patch in my life and when I hear Warren G's "Regulate"...it takes me right to THAT rough patch...when i finally finish THAT book..you'll know what I'm talking about. As Jay-Z would say...On to the Next One...

Then I met someone who made things about ME...and it was nice. We had a secret admiration for one another....you see two different religious backgrounds...and it was rough. I remember the day he told me that he wanted to pursue something with me but wasnt sure how i felt about him...coincidentally I had finish writing him a letter expressing my feelings and telling him that the words to Patti Labelle's "If Only you Knew" said it all:

I must have rehearsed my lines
A thousand times
Until I had them memorized
But when I get up the nerve
To tell you, the words
Just never seem to come out right
If only you knew
How much I do
Do love you
If only you knew
How much I do
Do need you

Since my first boyfriend and my daughter's father I hadn't been in a real relationship; in the beginning this relationship was a dream come true.

I would later move to Los Angeles with him and it was all about Tupac's Makaveli's CD and my cut was, "Toss It Up". I always said if i were to ever be a stripper ....my bad Exotic Dancer, this would my song to dance to...boom boom boom..."its the thug in Him!!!"...by the way my imaginary stripper..wups Exotic Dancer name is The Delicious Diva...this part right here...i'd swing around the pole and when K Ci get to "bells rang..make them do ting a ling"...Im shaking my hip and drop it! BAM!

Ohhh, it's K-Ci baby, mmm that want you lady
Ohhh, don't act so shady, baby your taste as fine as gravy
The way you move that thang, you make me wanna sang
Girl you make my bells rang, make them go ting-a-ling!

Can you see it? huh, huh, can you? I could...Im at work right now and I'm even trying to attempt spinning in my swivel chair as I'm typing this....oooh a new brand of exotic dancers...Exotic "sitters"...swerving the chairs and lift it up and down with that lever crap on the side of the chair that lifts and drops the height of the chair...yyyiiiyahhh...i can see it.

Then the inevitable happened...probably the most devastating breakup I had ever experienced...he left me for someone else. (Read my Blog entry Titled: Girl Talk Part Deux)

I started to go out with my friends to deal with my lonliness and my anger; to deal with my anger, they turned me on to Alanis Morissettes "Jagged Little Pill" cd.

I started to listen to Alanis Morissettes, "You Outta know"

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

Oooh.. that song got me through some hard times...I remember when there were these instances i would call my ex, I'd start to pick fights and basically embarass myself but then after hearing this song; instead of calling, i'd play this and act like i was singing to him...even now when I listen to it...it takes me right back to that place, when I was filled with so much hate and bitterness...not because there is still a hold or anything like that, but just to show how powerful a song can be to our memories; that the songs could in fact take us back to the state of mind we were in when we first heard a particular song.

Since then, I have forgiven him with my hold heart...(he's probably reading this and thinking..."Wow, really?"...my answer to him..."yes, really!") but I survived.

Just like Stella got her Groove back...so DID I!!! The happier me started to be more fun to hang out with and it was Black Eyed Pea's "That's the Joint" that helped me to bring more life into MY life. Talk about goooood tiiiiimes...this song, my black velvet catsuit, 4 inch stilettos and the DJ eyeing me every time i walked into the spot, pushed my confidence level to a height that i knew..."I was a baaaaaaad bitch!!!"...aahhhh wish we had pictures of that, but thats what my photographic memory is for, right?

After months of this, I finally meet the person that would call me his Queen for life. However, if you were to ask at that time if we were each others "the one", we probably would have told you ...uh...no!

Our first date was movie and drinks; we decided to go see Summer Of Sam...whoa...not exactly a great first date movie...all i have to say is...orgy scene. I was mortified in the seat next to him. Him? ahh I bet he was thrilled thinking, "Yeah man...she chose this movie, she must be a freak..you think she's giving me a hint with movie...look at her..acting like she's looking at the movie..c'mon look at me, give the look...how about if i just slowly put my arm around her...think she'll push it away?..hmm let me try". He does proceed to put his arm around me, boy I sure hope he doesn't think he's gonna get lucky cause of this whack ass movie, what the hell was i thinking...good gawd, he must think im some time freaky chick...nope buddy.. I AM NOT!!!

Well turns out we clicked and proceeded to date. We were really into each other and one day we talked about how alot of couples have a song and we really don't. He never thought of it and me being the girl that I am...thought of it all the time. I thought maybe it was a bad omen, like we wouldnt last if we didnt have one. Well one day he decides to take me to a pool hall to meet his dad, brother and cousin..all guys of course. So the guys are being guys and playing pool and I'm watching them play. He was on one side of the place and I on the other...then all of a sudden, the jukebox played Aerosmith's "Dont Want to Miss a Thing"...as soon as I heard the first bar...i looked around the place for him and he was doing the same thing; we locked eyes and nodded to each other...we had just found our song:

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

Through the years together, this wouldn't be our only song, though the first, but definitely not the last. There will be different trials and tribulations that our relationship would experience; when they happen, a new song would come from it, to remind us of those moments and allowing us to add to our playlist.

When I look back at all the different "loves" of my life...they all, from R & B to Hip Hop to Classical, all at one point or another saved my soul. I will be forever grateful to them for that.