Thursday, October 11, 2012

Excerpt from my book...Title to be determined

Ground Zero

Today was another rough day…I sat at my desk crying and feeling so empty…I miss you something awful…I’ve never felt like this…and if I did…it was nowhere near this…the pain is so excruciating, I want it to stop.

I need to speak to you so I text you today:

Me: I know you have the kids til Friday….could we meet up to talk. (today was a hard one, I got home from work all I could do was cry, I just wanna see you to see if it’s just me feeling this way)

Two hours go by and not a word from you, I tried not to think about it…but I’m thinking you just don’t wanna hear from me. Then I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Me: No response? Does that mean you want nothing to do with me? (my stomach started to get quezzy so afraid you were going to come back with a ‘yes’…I had to go to the restroom to splash water on my face…I felt like I couldn’t breathe)

A few minutes later….


You: idk if she is off
         I’ll let you kno

Me: okay

I started to cry some more wondering if you were feeling that way I was…were you hurting as much…or is this truly a one sided deal….I know I told myself I would let months go by without speaking to you…to get over this…but I can’t deal anymore.

Me: How are you okay with giving me space when its killing me giving it to you?

You: I’m not okay with it
         But it’s what u wanted
         I was textin
         Just doing what u want

Giving me what I wanted?…if course you were….how could you just give up so easily….unless…you don’t feel the same for me…OMG…you don’t love me heart begins to sink.

Me: I miss you like crazy….I didn’t think it would hurt this much

There….I said it…. “I miss you like crazy and it HURTS!”

You: It’s okay
        It’ll get better

Huh? What? ‘It’ll get better’…so its true you don’t feel the same. My logical side is sneering at me with that “I told you so” look.

Me: It’ll get better us not speaking to each other n me not missing u????

Please tell me this is not what you mean…I didn’t think my heart could hurt any more…but it actually is.

I need to know…is this truly one sided…I can’t…I won’t believe that it is, not after hearing the voicemails, remembering the kisses, the touch…the look…no…no…I refuse to believe that.

Me: Is it me just feeling like this…you don’t?

You: I didn’t want to stop
        YOU did
        YOU took my choice away

Yes, I took it away…though I didn’t see it that way…I did it for me because I wanted to have you all to myself. I couldn’t handle sharing you…but that pain didn’t compare to not having you at all. THAT pain is absolutely unbearable.

So I need you to know….

Me: *sad face* I love you & Im IN love with you…you kept telling me that “what needs to happen will”…leading me to believe u didn’t feel the same about me anymore.

Please tell me you still love me and are still so very much in love with me and that all this pain was just temporary…*crossing fingers* please.

You: We both agreed that our friendship
         was more important
        That what ever needed to happen it would

Friendship?? You see me only as a friend? After all we shared and done…a friend? Didn’t think my heart could sink any lower.

Me: You stopped sharing how you felt…so I thought your feelings changed for me.

Did they?

Me: So are you telling me….you don’t feel the same about me?

As I type…the tears begin to fall…I had you…now I lost you. My soul is crying out in anger at me, “How could you do that?! He was IN love with us and you let him go!!?” We both begin to sob.

You: What ever the reasons were as a friend u should of waited til I decided to share.

*sniff* sniff*

You: I’m not saying that
        Just our friendship means more than
        As a couple or not
        Friends for life

I wipe my tears, why can’t you just give me straight answers…”yes I still love you… no, sorry my feelings did change”…so I begin to reply…

Me: You’re right…but the woman in love felt different

Because I do…I just want to know all that you’re feeling…I want to be part of all of it.

Me: Friends before Lovers?

Though the Lover part already happened…can we go back? And begin this as it should’ve? As friends?

You: Well...
         Then I guess the woman in luv cared more
         than my BFF

Your BFF? The sting doesn’t seem so bad now…as a BFF you’ll let me in more…you’ll share more.

You: Before or after
        Friends for life

This is you responding to my ‘Friend before Lovers’ comment…I start analyzing this..’before’…’after’…meaning no matter what, we’ll always be friends…but I want more…Than I feel an inner slap in my head…My soul is glaring at me, “Shut it! Take it…we get him back, I don’t care how we get him back…as long as we get him back…I just want this pain to stop!”

Me: No, not that the BFF cared any less…her heart was speaking loudly

Going forward…I’m going to have to suppress that part. My soul is right…we get him back…and if to have him back means I need to suppress my love for him then…for now that’s what I’ll do.

But then I remember….

Me: Why did you delete me?

That hurt when I no longer saw you on my list.

You: Making it easier like u asked

You’re right…I would look at your page and see the pictures of you and her and see how happy you were with her…she made you happy in a way I couldn’t…and was extremely painful to see…sadly I was doing that to myself. I suppose in a way…you did me a favor.

Me: Where do we go from here….friends?

That’s it… my soul wins…I’ll take the friends versus not having you at all. Logic is sitting in a corner with her arms folded saying, “That’s all you’re good for is just a friend, nothing more.” Then I laugh as my soul runs up to her, slaps the hell outta her and begins to scream, “He loves US…HIS soul and I are connected…you weren’t around when that bond happened….dont you know anything about relationships…you need to love your friend before you love your lover….so shut it!” My soul has a point…any good…I mean great relationship…has to start with a foundation….ours with be our friendship.

You: I’m always gonna be your friend
        Can’t imagine without you

My soul is standing tall…looking at logic… “Told you!”

Me: After these last couple of days…how did we go through the past 25 years without each other.

Me: You’re part of my life…

My heart is beating outta of control….

Me: Not having you….was….painful

You: It was
        That’s why
         It’s better with than without

For once I actully feel like I know what you mean. My life is better WITH you in it than without!

Me: I agree…I don’t ever want to feel that again. I missed U!

I felt this huge sense of relief as I typed that last part…I. Missed. U!

Me: We start from Ground Zero n build from there?

We need to give us a fair shot and we need to start with a foundation…one brick at a time…one called friends…trust…sharing…loyalty…compassion…caring….til the last brick of love is placed. Friends…I’ll take it!

You: Agree

I thought you were replying to my Ground zero comment..but realized they were sent at the same time, so you couldn’t have seen that…you were repsonding to “Not having you …was painful” and ‘don’t ever want to feel that again’ …you DID feel it, too. I look in my soul who’s smiling and just then I see a tear slide down her cheek & mine, too.

You: Yeeeeaaaaa

This is in response to my Ground zero comment….it’s almost as if you feel the same about the brick foundation. I look back into my soul and she’s nodding her head…saying “yes, he does”…I believe her… after all she’s connected to you and knows what you’re feeling.

And just like that…we’re back…I’m okay with not receiving the occasional “Luv u’s” “miss u’s” or being called by my pet name of “Hermosa”…all I care about is that I have you back…Mr. Fifty Shades, himself, said it best… “I’ve never felt the way I felt when you left….I would move heaven and earth to avoid feeling like that again.” And that I would!

Ground Zero is where we begin.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

My Open Letter to Significants

I was out this weekend in a dual role...a girl hanging with her girls at a tea party and a woman out on the town enjoying the LA night life.

Girls day was great...catching up while sipping champagne, tea and nibbling finger sandwiches is always good.
But what really prompted me to write the open letter was the following sight.
We walked into a little dive know the kind...where everyone dances like no one is watching and the drinks are so cheap, you can get your face numb by just drinking two.
Well to the side was a nice looking couple...he had his arm wrapped around her waist and her arm laid comfortably on his shoulder. The band hadn't started yet; they both were whispering in one another's ear as they people watched. They laughed and chuckled, the more they laughed the closer he pulled her to him.

They then find two open seats and he pulls the chair out for her and she sits down. The band starts to play and as they do...I witness the sweetest thing...he begins to play with her hair...while she was singing along with the band he takes a quick glimpse at her and smiles; I think I could feel his heart skip a beat. She leaned closer to him as if to lay her head on his shoulder and THAT sight took my breath away. After the band played a couple of sets, he whispered something in her ear, she nodded and they both got up and proceeded to walk out, all along he had his arm wrapped around her waist as if to let everyone know, "Yes, she IS with me!"

That image is forever burned in my mind. It's stuff like that that most of us women yearn for....what is that, you ask?.....What else, but Romance.

It was romantic the way he whispered in her ear, the way he played with her hair and the way he held on to her with one arm.

This open letter is for all you husbands, boyfriends, lovers and significants.

Dear Mates,

I would like to know what happens when the thrill of the chase is done? Or the Courting stops?

Before you get us...the doors are open for us, the chairs are being pulled out for us, the hand holding is tender, the hair is being swept from our face, flowers are being sent and eye contact was always there....but once you get all stops.

Do you think we don't need that anymore? Do you think that because we said yes to you, the romance stops? What makes you think we don't want those small gestures anymore?

I loved it when the car door was being opened for me, or when the door was being held open for me to walk through before you....and the flowers??? I Love Roses and Peonies...but that too is no longer.

OH! OH! and when we're walking on the side walk....WE...meaning us women, WALK ON THE INSIDE NOT the aint a pimp and we aint for sale!!!!

I know I'm sounding bitter but watching them...made me realize what I was missing....and that was romance.

Also, Mates....I know it seems we tend to harp on all of you around Valentine's day, it’s only because that's the one day that we expect to the get the romance we're missing all year long. Now imagine if you did all these small gestures throughout year??? Valentines day, would be just another day...a day you don't have to fork out $100 for dinner, roses or chocolates.

So, in closing...remember to keep the romance'd be surprised how far a lil hair swiping outta our faces can get you. Because if you don't see the Queen you have in front of you, someone else will…..and THAT'S real talk.


A Hopeless Romantic

PS Ladies, this should go without saying…but this also applies to you…it’s the little things you do that will keep him looking at you as if it were the first time all over again.

So there it open letter...and then they wonder why we love movies like The Notebook, The Twilight series or the's because we yearn for that mushy stuff....*sigh*

Okay...I'm out till the next until then remember to:

 Be Inspiring, Be Inspired


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I Was Here!.......IM BAAAACCCCKKKKK!!!!

I was asked by a friend, "D, what is it you hope to accomplish in this this lifetime?"

I thought about it and answered, "I want to be able to leave a positive footprint in people's lives, even if it's just one life; whether it's a retelling of a story I said, advice I had given, or a simple Reina-ism. I want them to know I was there and made a difference is someone's life."

My Readers, I've been M I A for awhile, and my apologies...the second half of 2011 took alot from me...mentally, emotionally and physically.  BUT.... I'm back and hoping to make a difference, if not all, then some of your lives.

On that note:

I was listening to the Beyonce CD and came across this fitting.  I hope you enjoy it as much I go out there and let the world know...YOU WERE HERE!!!!

I WAS HERE By Beyonce

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, and something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...

I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

I want to say I lived each day, until I died
I know that I had something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...

I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...

I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here...

I just want them to know
That I gave my all, did my best
Brought someone to happiness
Left this world a little better just because...

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...

I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here...

Remember to continue to:
Be Inspiring, Be Inspired

About Me

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I'm a writer that writes from the heart...and emotion (ergo, the name of my blog). Most of what I write about, I have had first hand experience in. Anything I review does not say I am an expert...I only write what I THINK and whether I like it or not! Not how the rest of the world should think or feel. I am Mexican/Italian and a Leo..again..why my blog is called the World of Emotion!! Hope you enjoy what I have to say and/or review. Enjoy!