A friend had posted this on Facebook and couldn't help but to post this on my blog.
As you know my divorce was final February 15,2013 and after reading these...I won't ever be divorced again (I have every intention of getting remarried)...
These rules not only apply to men but to women also...please take these in and keep them close to heart.
Below are 20 wise marriage tips from a man that
was recently divorced. You wouldn’t normally think that a divorced man would
give good advice on being a husband, but this man has been through enough
hardship to know what is worth fighting for:
MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But
there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective
of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I
loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have
had…
1) NEVER STOP COURTING. NEVER STOP
DATING. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry
you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely
protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be
entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2)
PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of
her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself
fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where
no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive
her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again.
You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you
got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today.
Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE
DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may
give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never
be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you
were courting her.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only
on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you,
all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you
can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer
see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest
man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER…
your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And
if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own
emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you
sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your
joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get
frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something
inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel
those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what
it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this
woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood
wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal
yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you
ever were.
Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or
upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know
it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you
are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about
change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as
you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you…
DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you
aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and
emotion.
9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn
seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her
love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and
CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and
memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a
queen.
11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your
time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to
clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her
as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to
carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and
devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of
her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust
you fully.
13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be
afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to
make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not
supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good
at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time
to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and
find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back
with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get
the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids.
She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after
she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have
it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to
acknowledge your mistakes.
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to
have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you
don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart
and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that
courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your
light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and
show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of
what love can be.
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The
stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool.
Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if
you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to
work towards.
18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a
game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when
teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the
future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold
you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a
heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM.
Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE.
ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this
is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is
nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always
endure.
In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever
after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to
continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that
work, the happiness will come.
Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and
downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each
experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick
at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These
are lessons I learned too late.
But these are lessons I am learning and
committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I
will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that
will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my
pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope,
and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of
those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something
will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting
for.
The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her
life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.
If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t
what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage,
regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons
while there is time.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an
EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman
deserves that from you.
Be the type of husband your wife can’t
help but brag about.
Be the type of wife your husband can't help but brag about!!!!
Remember to continue to Be Inspiring, Be Inspired!!!
