Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2014: The Year of Transformation

As the final hours of 2013 are coming to an end...as many will do, I too, am reflecting on all that as transpired these last 365 days. 

For me...2012 was the year of Change...and a big one it was & 2013 was the year of Greatness. As great as it was, the final weeks have been the toughest for me...doors were being shut that I had no idea why and then realized that God was either saying, "the time has come that this door be shut; it served it's purpose" or "the door was opened too soon, time was not right"...it was a reminder that I must continue to allow God to work on me from the inside out and allow all that is meant to be...be. 

2014 will be the Year of Transformation.

It will be what you make of it.
2014 is the year you spent the last 5 years talking about: 

Single girls will become married women, Single mothers will become a blended family, Once only children will become a sibling, Employees will become Employers, Financial challenges will be debt free,
Broken Hearts will be mended,
Aspiring writers will become published authors!

Yes, The Year of Transformation will be here in less than 24 hours...
How you do INTEND to transform your world?

Stay Blessed, Mi Gente!
I send you love & light always & In All Ways! 
#2014almosthere #gratefulinallthings #transformation #newhomein2014 #newchapter

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Being Grateful: The Attitude of Grattitude


As we are starting the final 13 days of 2013...I am starting to reflect on all that this year has brought to and taken from my life. Some I welcomed with open arms while others I clenched so hard to that it was difficult to let go of. 

However, the one thing that has remained in all of this...is my unwavering Faith...Faith in God that all is well. My Faith in God is what helped me get through it all and it will be my continued Faith that will allow me to go into 2014 with NO Fear...for what I know is... God's Timing is infinitely perfect & all that unfolds is how it is meant to be. 

I Trust Him!

So today...I AM undoubtedly grateful for my continued Faith that has allow me to roll with the punches, hit the curve balls that I didn't see coming...but God did...and those moments I was side blinded in & couldn't see clear. 
My Faith, helped me roll with ease, hit those balls out the park & see as clear as can be. 

"Faith is Believing when I can't see. Faith is obeying when I don't understand why. Faith is following God's lead without knowing where. Faith is waiting on God's Timing without know when. Faith is expecting a miracle without knowing how."-Pastor Rick Warren

My Faith...I am always &  In ALL ways...grateful for.
 #grateful #faithwoman #trustgod #godstiming

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Being Grateful: The Attitude of Gratitude

Being Grateful: The Attitude of Gratitude

I know...ima day late, even after a friend kindly reminded me that yesterday was Wednesday...I was having a "Monica" day...'Just one of dem days'

I never knew the significance of these keys...after all they are "just" keys, aren't they? However, truth of the matter, they aren't "just" keys...they represent that I have something that is my own.
The keys are to my home...my safe haven. A place when I am having one of "dem days" I can go to, curl up only sofa with my blankie, sit & do nothing...cry if need be & I do. 
During this time, we're reminded everyday that there are so many out "there" that don't have it...that they pray for shelter some way, some how, whether it be near the freeway or a sturdy box, any place not to sit & do nothing but just to keep warm & make it to the next day. 

So, the next time you take your keys out to unlock the door...pause for a moment & express gratitude that you DO have those keys & they open the door to YOUR safe haven. 

I wanna thank my mentor, Darnella Ford for promoting this day's Moment of Gratitude, thank you, Queen. 

Stay Blessed Mi Gente, now & always. 

Thursday, December 05, 2013

Being Grateful: The Attitude of Gratitude

Being Grateful: The Attitude of Gratitude

My apologies, I forgot to post yesterday...a lot has been on my mind, but that's no reason for me not to express what I am grateful for. 

In November 2012, I was laid off from a job I had been at for 4 years, where for the post part, I was happy. When I got the news I wasn't devastated, as some of the others were, with bills & kids I could see why they were. Though I had the same concerns & to top it off I was going through the divorce...I didn't find it upsetting. I knew God had a bigger plan for me. So I decided a sabbatical was due & I took the month of December off to self reflect & discover what this journey I would be embarking on would be (*wait...did I decide or did God? Hmmm). :)
I knew I would start my new job in January 2013 & all would be well financially. Interview after interview, I even had one where I was interviewed 4 times, this was the ultimate dream job...I KNEW this was the one for me. On February 14,2013 I was informed I did not get the position & February 15, 2013 my divorce was final.  
Turns out God had a different plan for me. God had placed me on a 90 day probation to see how much I trusted Him. How much I was willing to surrender to Him, including my finances. To leave my worries at His feet and if I truly was a woman of Faith. Once I acknowledged His plan & asked Him to use me for His will, I am His soldier after all, He gave me my new assignment. 
On April 1, 2013, after 90 days, I was blessed with a job. So today I show gratitude about a place I get to go to every day & actually enjoy. 
God has placed me exactly where He wants me. We all have a purpose, we just gotta be willing to stay alert & see where it takes us...and currently...mine has me at this location and I am grateful for it. 

What are you grateful for?

Stay Blessed, Mi Gente. 

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude 

With Thanksgiving tomorrow and me trying to put together a memorable dinner for my family...there's a person I want to show gratitude for who help make my first Thanksgiving after the split last year, a success...my SIL, Tiffany. 

Tiff, you are a remarkable woman, mother & an exceptional mate for my brother. As a sister, I pray that my brothers find someone that will love & care for them unconditionally. You, SIL, far exceed what I would hope for my brother & not to mention, one helluva cook, too ;)...I, thank you. Today on Grateful Wednesday I honor you for YOU, I thank you for my beautiful nieces & my handsome nephew. You are now & always will be my SIL!!! Love you!!!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude 

You'd think our gratitude for our parents would be automatic...truth of the matter is... it isn't. It's a conscious effort that I wish I had done more of when she was alive. My mother wasn't the best mother in the world & don't get me wrong I am in no way speaking ill of my Mom. She did the best she could to raise my brothers and I. 
I was told, that on my wedding day, someone had given her a compliment regarding me...they told her, "you did an amazing job raising your daughter" they said she paused a bit while looking at me and responded, "No, I had nothing to do with that, my daughter raised herself to be the lady she is...boys? Boys I could raise but what you see...that beautiful vision was all her".  

I wish I had known about that conversation  when she was alive because I would've corrected her. I am the way I am because of who my mother was. She was a woman that showed me strength, courage, respect & fear...she is the reason my Faith in God is so strong. It was because of her Faith in Him that we all knew that God would always provide & He always did. 

No, Mami, you may not have shown me to be a Girl's Girl...but you did raise me to me one helluva Strong, Faithfilled woman and for THAT I am forever grateful....Thank you.

I miss you, every second of every minute of every hour every day! I love you, Mami. 

What are you grateful for?

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude

I am grateful for my brothers.
You all have shown me what it means to love unconditionally. You have taught me how to laugh even when I think there is nothing to laugh about . You have taught me the meaning of family, through the highs, the lows and all the roller coaster rides, we stick together.
You have taught me what it means to be more than a sister but also…a mother.

Below is a poem I wrote especially for you five, I love you!

My Brothers, My Sons

We came from the womb of a Queen.
I was five when the first of you arrived
She handed you to me and said “This is your gift’
I held you tight with all my might
I knew I always wanted to take care of you.

I was away when the second one arrived
I ran home and couldn’t wait to see you
She handed you to me and said “He will care for you”
I looked at you with such amazement
And knew I was blessed to have you too.

I was angry when the third one came
Everyone told me I’d no longer be the only Princess
That God was going to give the family another
I couldn’t look at our Queen; as she carried you
You were going to replace me and I was upset
The day you came...you were another prince.
She handed you to me and said “ You didn’t like him., but you’ll love him”
I looked down at you and forgave myself for not
Wanting you.

The twist and turns that life had given our family
Had fate take over and turned a cousin into a brother.
The love that family has will never break the bonds
That we all have begun to share.

I was an adult when the fourth was announced.
This time I was okay if I had to share the throne.
However, again fate had a different plan for she would be a he.
She handed you to me and said, “He will complete you all”
I looked down at you and my heart open up more.
I knew I would love you just as much as the ones before.

I watch you all grow from infants to men
I was there to protect you from punishments
But the first to scold you when you all behaved wrong.
God had given you all to me as my brothers.
Who would love me, defend me, care for me, fight with me,
Argue with me, be scared of me, confide in me and cry with me.

Yes, you’re my Brothers but my Heart says…You’re my Sons!!

“We are linking by blood, and blood is memory without language”-Joyce Carol Oates

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude

I am truly grateful for the amazing organization...Journey to Worthy.  2012 was the year of change in more ways that I ever thought possible. The Summer of 2012 will always be the known as the Summer that changed my life forever. June 23, 2012 was the first Journey to Worthy workshop I attended. I went in expecting one thing only to discover...Me! 
A true serendipity moment. 

I have thanked God every day since that He placed this phenomenal dream in Darnella Ford, who, with her hard work and determination has made it a reality. Journey to Worthy has helped me to discover all the amazing things that I truly am worthy of from being a woman, a mother, a sister, a friend and a writer. I have been blessed to share the message with as many people who will listen. 

God places people in our lives for two reasons: a blessing or a lesson. Darnella and Journey to Worthy have proven to be both! I Am grateful everyday for you, Queen! Thank you. 

What are YOU grateful for?

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude

I am grateful for the trials & tribulations that I have experienced in my life throughout the years, from the heartaches, to the tragedies & even those setbacks. Each one of those experiences has help mold & shape me into the woman I am today. If it weren't for any of those situations, I wouldn't know how to turn to God for strength.  For it was in my moments of weakness that God saw all the potential in me to help inspire the lives of others. It was in those  moments of darkness that I found an everlasting relationship with God, who shined His luminous light upon me to give me hope that the best was truly yet to come.

 I once saw a quote that said, "God gives His hardest battles to His toughest soldiers." 
Because of those trials & tribulations, I now wear my armor with Pride, for I now know that no weapon ever formed against me shall ever prosper because as long as God is for me, who dare be against me! 
#Godssoldier #blessed #gratefulwednesday

What are YOU grateful for?

Stay Blessed, Mi Gente!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

31 Status: Priceless

31 Status Queen is truly Priceless; she should be cherished

Hello My Readers,

You’ve all witnessed how my journey has evolved me into an improved and better version of myself, though not easy, it sure continues to be worth it.

This journey has taken me to places I never imagined nor thought possible. Though it may seem that the road has been an single path, it really has become several, each leading to a different part of me that needed some attention.

One of the roads that my journey has taken me on… has been my walk with God.

I was raised in a Catholic church my entire life,so I assumed I had a great understanding of our Heavenly Father.

I attended mass every Sunday. I sat in the pews with my Mother, my Grandmother & my Great Grandmother; all who wore veils on their heads, recited verses and prayed.  I did years of catechism, memorizing scriptures and verses in hopes that at the age of 9, I’d elevate to the next “level”…that level being my First Communion.

When I stood before these three generations of strong, faithful Catholic women and recited the “Aposotle’s Creed”, they lit up with such pride & could not wait to see me in my mini bride’s dress, white dainty gloves & veil as I stepped before God and accept my first communion.
Truth be told those were just words to me & I didn’t really under stand what the “Creed” was and what it meant.

When my ex husband and I were married, I hadn’t received my confirmation and not only had he not but he also hadn’t received his First Communion; therefore, before we could get married in a Catholic church (*My Mother’s dream) we had to attend “classes” …translation…catechism for adults. We attended classes faithfully and again, it was in hopes to be elevated to THAT next “Level”…being married in “The Church”. (*by the way, classes were on Sunday and conflicted with the football schedule…needless to say, the man was NOT happy with that).
In those classes, most of us were couples about to be married so the instructor touched a bit on the Proverbs 31 woman , however, explained no more than that she was the “ultimate woman” and that we, as wives,  should model ourselves after her.
Once again, they were just words and didn’t resonate to mean anything to me.

Today, 35 years later, from my first communion to being divorced… I am now having a better understanding of it all.
Being divorced was something I never expected of my life…but it is what it is. So, instead of beating myself up on what went wrong ( and… boy did I)…I am choosing to learn.

My walk with God has been the best teaching I have ever experienced. He is showing me where I may gain more knowledge and wisdom to insure that those mistakes, that happened in my marriage, will never happen again.
One of my lessons has been the studying of the Proverbs 31 woman; the actual study…. verse by verse, word by word. Also, what it truly means to be a God-Fearing woman and to be equally yoked with your mate. It truly has been enlightening and I am so excited to see the changes happening within me.

I came across the blog entry below that gives a layman’s understanding of the Proverbs 31 Woman.
 It was written by the blogger’s husband (Whom she was so proud to brag about…as wives, we should always speak of our husbands with praise…yes, even when they annoy us to no end…but I’ll get more into that as I further my education on this subject)

Hope you enjoy the piece as much as I did and leave this blog with a better understanding of who the Proverbs 31 woman is…who truly is Priceless.

As Always Mi Gente:

Be Inspiring, Be Inspired

A God Fearing Woman by Zack Hale

We have called the woman in Proverbs 31 a virtuous woman because that is what religion has called her for many years, when all this does is sell that woman short. A virtuous woman is defined by what she does not who she is. A God fearing woman is a woman that is defined by who she is not what she does. A God fearing woman has virtuous outward characteristics as a result of being the bride of Christ. A God fearing woman is woman with a heart for God. This is the Proverbs 31 woman. God is about starting on the inside and working outward; not starting outward and working in. Jesus said it best when he said that no one puts a new patch on an old garment. We try to patch our lives with new habits and characteristics when in fact we are still the old person on the inside. All this will do is tear us apart like a new unshrunk patch on an old garment. The woman in Proverbs is a woman that has the characteristics that we read about only because she is a woman after the heart of God; and not a woman that has patched her outward self together to make herself try to look good.

I believe this woman is the same woman that Solomon is chasing after and wooing in Song of Solomon. He had hundreds of other women that he could have fallen in love with but he chose her. He chose her because she was beautiful from the inside out (God fearing) instead of her beauty that is on the outside that is trying to cover up the inside. In short her love for God is what made her beautiful to him. In Song of Solomon, the king is only able to see the beauty of his true love and describe her outward beauty because her inward self was not mucking it up.

Proverbs begins with a seven-verse prologue that tells us the purpose of these writings. And in chapter one verse seven we get the theme of the entire book, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of all knowledge and wisdom.” Throughout the rest of the book we get snippets of what it means to fear the Lord. We are even told throughout what a God fearing woman looks like. In chapter seven we are shown her antithesis. We are shown the attributes and characteristics of what a woman that does not fear God looks like and the effect this type of woman will have on others. Many times her outward beauty and her positive attributes will cover up the lack of her love for God but in the end this is always revealed.

Finally in chapter 31 we have the culmination of what outward effects and characteristics of a woman that fears God looks like. The writings in Proverbs end where they started. Chapter one verse seven gives us the command to fear the Lord and the last chapter shows a picture of a woman who fulfills this command. Chapter 31, verse 30 shows us this and also stresses the point again about it being a matter of the heart and not a matter of outward characteristics. No woman can live every day fulfilling the descriptions set forth in chapter 31. That is why the writer of Proverbs begins and ends with showing us that it is a heart for God that in turn is reflected in our lifestyle and not a lifestyle that is trying (but failing) to please God. This type of lifestyle (chapter seven woman) will never be able to convince or force that person’s heart to desire God.

Proverbs 31

Verse 10 Cannot be bought out
Verse 11 Trustworthy/Dependable
Verse 12 Consistent
Verse 13 Hard worker/Does not complain
Verse 14 Others are always glad to see her
Verse 15 Does not waste time
Verse 16 Thrifty/good steward
Verse 17 Improves herself
Verse 18 Insightful
Verse 19 Utilizes her talents
Verse 20 Giving/Generous
Verse 21 Prepared
Verse 22 Modest/Respectful
Verse 23 Makes a good name for her family/allows husband to be her leader
Verse 24 Ministers to others not just her family
Verse 25 Happy with her life
Verse 26 Quick to listen/Slow to speak
Verse 27 Rears Godly children
Verse 28 Encouraging
Verse 29 Separates her lifestyle unto God (not just her heart)
Verse 30 Not vain
Verse 31 Does good in secret

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude

I am grateful for my heart: for no matter how many times it's been broken, it still manages to function & beat, helping me to realize that as long as it is beating & I'm breathing...someone needs me in their world & my dreams will come to pass....because God is NOT done with me yet!

What are YOU grateful for?

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude

Grateful Wednesday: The Attitude of Gratitude

I am grateful for My Comadre Jenny: From "I Do" to "I'm Done"...she held my hand in the beginning & has never let go. She has been witness to every single pivotal moment in my life & never once questioned my sanity..even when I wasn't sure myself, she has always been there to remind me that "All is well"! A sisterhood that truly has been blessed by the hand of God. #fromannoyancetocomadres #sisterhood #soulmate #rideordie 

What are YOU grateful for?


The picture that reveled to her where we were headed for 
her 21st birthday celebration

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Finale: Destination Unknown

To Be Revealed 10/10/2013 @ 11:00pm PST

On September 30th, my Princess turned 21...we have been celebrating ever since...birthday weekend Her Dad took her to ring in 21 in her hometown in NYC with family (*She was born in Cali but her soul is a straight up New Yorker, no doubt)..last week She, my son, her Nina & close friends did a 5K to continue celebrations. 

Now we have come to the last leg of the celebrations...the Finale. Her Godmother & I decided to take her outta town to celebrate big...Destination Trip Unknown. 

This has been 6 months in the making...we leave tonight so stay tuned on how we reveal to her where she is headed!!! Follow me on Instagram for reveal photos: Bonita_Reina78

My Beautiful Princess
10/5/2013-Black Light 5K 2013 -Pomona, CA

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

Grateful Wednesdays: The Attitude of Gratitude

Hola Mi Gente,

I have noticed through various news feeds a lot of negativity of what people don’t have rather than what blessings they do have…so I would like to turn it around into the positive of...
What are you Thankful for?  

*FYI…there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

Therefore, I have to decided to start something new here, on my blog Dleesaa.blogspot.com & on my Facebook page… 

Grateful Wednesdays: The Attitude of Gratitude”

When I post “Grateful Wednesdays: The Attitude of Gratitude” , Please comment what you are grateful for.

What I hope to accomplish is that if people start to show Gratitude for what they have, that more blessings will appear to them & they'll get rid of the:
 “…when it rains, it pours” Attitude.

Never forget, Mi Gente, there is someone out “there” praying for the life you have….always show gratitude…even in the smallest thing for it may be something grand to someone else.

As always, remember to...
Be Inspiring, Be Inspired

Official Grateful Wednesdays: The Attitude of Gratitude

I am GRATEFUL for my children: their laughter, their tears, their honesty, their hugs, their smiles, their crazy sense of humor but most of all... I am grateful for their Love and reminding me what a blessing it is to be their Mother.

Friday, August 30, 2013

20 Marriage Tips Everyone Needs to Know...(*Wish I could have thought about doing this)

A friend had posted this on Facebook and couldn't help but to post this on my blog.
As you know my divorce was final February 15,2013 and after reading these...I won't ever be divorced again (I have every intention of getting remarried)...

These rules not only apply to men but to women also...please take these in and keep them close to heart.

August 26, 2013 In the News
Below are 20 wise marriage tips from a man that was recently divorced. You wouldn’t normally think that a divorced man would give good advice on being a husband, but this man has been through enough hardship to know what is worth fighting for:


Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…

1) NEVER STOP COURTING. NEVER STOP DATING. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.
If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

Be the type of wife your husband can't help but brag about!!!!

Remember to continue to Be Inspiring, Be Inspired!!!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Journey to Worthy: A Brand New Me

 She is YOUR Queen to Be!!

Hello Readers, 

Yesterday marked the first day of my renewed life....A Brand New Me!!!

After I shed the last tear on Friday...I slept and I dreamt...dreamt of the new life that awaited me. 

I woke up as if a layer of skin had shed while I was asleep. I walked outside and the sun shined brighter than I had seen it shine in a long time. It was a day of hope and possibilities and anything that I believed could come true, would. 

I spent my Saturday night with my best friend at an amazing event...Journey to Worthy: A Night of Inspiration with Darnella Ford.

The evening was EXACTLY what I needed. I listened to amazing stories of faith & courage. I became even more inspired and excited about this new chapter in my life.

I was honored by Darnella when she asked me to share my story and how far I have come in my journey.

I stood up at the podium, took the mic and began to speak; I started to envision myself sharing my story not just to a room full of people but to auditoriums & stadiums. I saw myself standing there inspiring lives, one life at a time. It was the most exhilarating feeling & I didn't want it to end. Whoa! 

I Am Dreaming some Big Dreams....I AM Worthy & I AM Deserving of them....and you know what?

So. Are. You.

Below are the lyrics to Alicia Keys song "A Brand New Me", it describes exactly what my Journey to Worthy (Me) as been about...It has become my new theme song for 2013...the Year of Greatness ...enjoy.

Journey to Worthy: A Night of Inspiration-Me, giving my testimonial

A Brand New Me by Alicia Keys
It's been a while, I'm not who I was before
You look surprised, your words don't burn me anymore
Been meaning to tell you, but I guess it's clear to see
Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me
Can't be bad, I found a brand new kind of free

Careful with your ego, he's the one that we should blame
Had to grab my heart back
God know something had to change
I thought that you'd be happy
I found the one thing I need, why you mad
It's just the brand new kind of me

It took a long long time to get here
It took a brave, brave girl to try
It took one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don't be surprised, don't be surprised

If I talk a little louder
If I speak up when you're wrong
If I walk a little taller
I've been on to you too long
If you noticed that I'm different
Don't take it personally
Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me
And it ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of free

Oh, it took a long long road to get here
It took a brave brave girl to try
I've taken one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don't be surprised, oh see you look surprised

Hey, if you were a friend, you want to get know me again
If you were worth a while
You'd be happy to see me smile
I'm not expecting sorry
I'm too busy finding myself
I got this
I found me, I found me, yeah
I don't need your opinion
I'm not waiting for your ok
I'll never be perfect, but at least now i'm brave
Now, my heart is open
And I can finally breathe
Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of free
That ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of me
Don't be mad, it's a brand new time for me, yeah

Continue to Be Inspiring, Be Inspired

Friday, February 15, 2013

Nothing seemed final until 2/15/2013

Hello My Readers, 

A lot has happened with me in the last year.

Where do I begin....?
Let's starts with the beginning...
2012 started for me like most..thinking "Is THIS the year that the world is going to end?

However, unlike most people I didn't take those words quite literally...I looked deeper into that speculation....the world itself was NOT going to end however MY world as I knew it, would, it was just a matter of when in 2012 that would happen.

As those of you, who have followed my blog from its conception, know that I married my husband in 2006 after being together for 7 years. I knew I loved him & everyone kept telling me that he was the best thing to ever happen to me & my daughter & I agreed.

Through the years you've all read how some "issues" had presented themselves & I had made attempts to get them resolved...but to no avail...I felt like it was all going on deaf's ears.

Though on the surface, it seemed like we had everything under control, from our finances to a smooth running household & loving children...however, something was just "off".  He and I just didn't flow any longer...there was no "connection".

In February 2012, I made my final attempt to speak to him, so we could get back on track to where we once were. 

I asked him point blank, "Are you happy with us...me & you, us?" He looked at me confused, not under standing the question and then replied, "yeah, why?" I remember just looking at him, thinking, "How could I feel that way I do and he be 'happy' with us??" Just didn't make sense to me....it was as if we were in two entirely different marriages.

I nodded to him and said "ok"..walked to the recliner, sat down and began to weep...he just didn't get "it".

He noticed that I was crying, stopped what he was doing and came to sit next to me and said, "Do you ask yourself is this the person that you really want to spend the rest of my life with, yeah you begin to question it."
I responded, "After as long as we've been together, that's normal, but what have we done to make sure that we don't ever question it? I know you're not IN love with me...you haven't been for a very longtime...just like I'm not IN love with you"...we love each other, no doubt...but we haven't done anything to keep that connection...to keep that spark, that flame. Life took over and we gave into it."

He stood quiet for a moment and asked, "Where do we go from here?"

I looked at him and say, "We try...we try harder."

We hugged and proceeded back to life again.

The next two months weren't  much different...life proceeded to do its thing and as usual we just did as it told us to do. Things with him & I didn't change much...we had a few family outtings but nothing that would reconnect us to where we once were.

So I started to spend time with friends at happy hours and going out for Girl's night . 
He asked me what they had to offer me that he didn't. I told him, with them...I feel like I belong some where...I have a voice and they listen.

In my home I didn't feel like I belonged...I have a full house, but yet I felt so lonely...all the time. My daughter was 19 at the time and she had her life, my brothers are in their 20's and have theirs and my husband had his life with our 9 year old son that rarely involved me...I was a loner in my own home.

Then in April 2012...I suggested that starting in May I'd spend every other weekend away from the house..to figure out what it was that I wanted...maybe this was some type of mid life crisis I was going through. 

*Before any of you start coming up to your conclusions...this wasn't about me having a "sancho" and I wanted a way to have my "other" life. This was about me trying to figure out what I wanted for me. I AM a mother, I AM a wife, I AM sister, I AM a caregiver...but first and foremost I AM a woman. I needed to care for that woman because she had been neglected for so long that no one even batted an eye when she cried out for help.

I also suggested therapy...but not couples therapy...I knew what it was that I needed...I needed the "IN Love" factor, something a therapist couldn't offer...I know what some of you are thinking..."that feeling doesn't last, marriage requires work" yes, marriage DOES require work but... FOR ME (*I am stressing this is ME...not the masses), if there's the IN love feeling happening...all that "work" won't seem like work...all of it will come effortlessly...because when you have that...spending time with the one you love, cooking, cleaning, talking, cuddling with them... will be a joy....not work.

Therapy...was for him...to face the demons that had been haunting him for years. (*before you ask...yes, I did receive his permission to write about our relationship...I would never throw anyone's business out there without their knowledge or ok)

He needed to address what had been holding him back from fulfilling the life he had always wanted for himself...whether it included me in it or not.

However, after the discussion about therapy...I knew in my gut... my marriage was over. So much had happened from the moment we got married up to this point...I didn't want to work at repairing it anymore. I wanted him to go through therapy to get him ready for it.

*Let me add...He is an amazing person, a phenomenal father and an incredible man...the problem was, he just was no longer MY Man (*there was no infidelity)...meaning that there is a woman out there that has been praying for him to come into her life & I have been keeping him from her. He deserves happiness & joy, just as much as I do. It was time that I let go.

So after a few sessions he seem to be okay...then one morning as I was getting ready for work...I was walking out of our restroom, passed the bed...he stopped me, held my hand and I just looked at him....no words were spoken and then he said, "Sometimes I feel when you look at me you already made your decision, you're just waiting for me to get better." Talk about someone knocking me over with a feather. I didn't say word...my eyes filled with tears and then he said, "You made your decision."

I nodded my head and began to cry.

I'm not going to go into detail of what it's been like since that decision had been made, but what I will say... it hasn't been easy. 

What prompted me to write about this today...February 15, 2013...is today my divorce is final. 
I am a divorced woman...I AM now single.

When I received the final decree a few weeks ago with that date, I am going to be honest...it didn't move me the way some people had described it would..."you'll be emotional, you'll be angry, you'll get depressed..etc."

Nope, I was not overcome by any of those emotions...I figured that I had already dealt with all of it when I was going through it last year...I let out every tear that I could possibly have when I made my decision.

Then something happened...yesterday 2/14/2013, I was denied a job that I really had my heart set on...oh wait...I forgot to tell you...I was also laid off last year...so I have been unemployed since 11/30/2012.

When I read the email stating that they were going with another candidate all I could do was cry. I have always maintained the state of positivity...always believing if its meant to be, it will be...but yesterday at 1pm...I was disappointed beyond all comprehension. I had to allow myself to release the emotions that I was feeling. I spoke to God and asked Him, "Please allow me to cry it out...tomorrow is a new day...but today I need this...I will break for a few hours to enjoy a beautiful celebration...but then allow the tears to flow." and as faithful as He has always been, He allowed me.

I posted on my Facebook status, 
"Weeping may endure the night, but joy comes in the morning"....is it morning yet?'

I really believed that once the first drop of sunshine hit my eyelids...I'd be just fine.

My daughter came into my bedroom to use my rest room and when she came out I told her I didn't get the job...she told me, like everyone else did, "Mommy, you know it's because God is setting you up for something way better." *gotta love your babies...anything they say makes everything almost better

I responded, " I know, Baby...just right now at this moment...I'm just disappointed." and I began to cry.

She laid next to me, hugged me and told me that all will be fine. I agreed and told that I'd be okay & to go enjoy her day.

She left the house and I continued to lay in bed crying. No matter how much I told myself, "Joy will come in the morning" I kept crying. I thought, "It's the next day...I only asked God to allow me one day, why am I still crying."

I looked over at my mirrored closet door and I could see myself lying down, but when I looked closely...I saw that was laid in a fetal position crying. Then it hit me. The night my mother passed away I came home and laid in the same spot, in the same position and cried.

I wasn't crying that I didn't get the job....

I was mourning my marriage, that is now over.

Here I thought I was okay...that I already went through all that I went through last year when I asked for the divorce, but it's like when my Mami was ill...I knew deep down her time was coming...everyday she was in the hospital I cried thinking I was preparing myself for the inevitable, that when her time came I'd be ready...but when the time came that we watched her take her last breath...I came home, laid in my same spot, in a fetal position and cried...I mourned what I thought I was ready for.

I happened to get a phone call from a dear friend during this revelation and she pointed out something so profound. She said, "Mamita...it's normal what you are feeling, for if it didn't affect you at all, it meant all that time you were married was in vain & you didn't learn anything. This emotion is God's way of saying to you...'Feel this, feel the pain & sorrow; that way, next time, you will know what do so you never feel this way again'." 

Hmmph...nothing seemed final until today, but now I know what to do, so there will never be another 'next time' or 'final anything'.

My Readers...I never believed that divorce is ever the answer at resolving your marital problems. If your relationship is salvageable....SAVE IT! Talk to each other, Listen to one another. 
Communication truly is key.

Continue to Be Inspired, Be Inspiring.

About Me

My photo
I'm a writer that writes from the heart...and emotion (ergo, the name of my blog). Most of what I write about, I have had first hand experience in. Anything I review does not say I am an expert...I only write what I THINK and whether I like it or not! Not how the rest of the world should think or feel. I am Mexican/Italian and a Leo..again..why my blog is called the World of Emotion!! Hope you enjoy what I have to say and/or review. Enjoy!