Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Well Lent is about man trying to follow the example of Jesus in the desert by giving up luxuries and practicing self discipline. And....to try to put aside more time for religious acts and pray so we can really let God into our lives. (Bible study for the day)
So on that, I narrowed my list to these two items...red meat ( and I love me some carne asada) and chocolate (don't get me started about my Lindt Lindor Truffles..ugh...the madness...which by the way I had may last piece today...upwrapping that decadent piece of marvelosity (is that a word? Damn..well today it IS!!!) mmmm...something this good has to be a sin...wait, I think it is..this is one reason I'm gving it up, right? I mean..women across the world has lost there ever loving minds for a piece of this chocolate heaven...*mmmm..chocolate heaven). * in my Homer Simpson..."mmmm donuts" voice.
I chose red meat only so not everyone in my household suffers. I can still cook chicken and fish.
Regarding bread and sex...Bread...well its in nearly everything I eat... depending how you categorize it...tortillas..bread, no? pancakses..bread, no? And sex? Welllll...my husband would have to agree to that and I highly doubt he would. He'd probably throw our vows at me stating that between the lines of "Sickness and health, richer or poorer" lies...the imaginary ones that count are "give your husband the remote whenever he wishes and gives husband sex whenever he demands, with chocolate milk on the side".
That is how I determined that red meat and chocolate would the unlucky contenders this Lent.
Wish me luck that I will have the self discipline as Jesus did walking the desert for 40 days without any luxuries.
Yes. Chocolate and carne asada are luxuries...to me!
*Please note that I am in no way making light of Lent. My apologies in advance if you feel I am.
I write about everything that goes on with me and writing is how I chooose to express the struggle I will be going through for the next 40 days. And...i have to make interesting so my readers know they are not alone....again everything i do...is soooo emotional.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I know submitting to the New Yorker was a long shot but after doing some research, I learned that every piece that gets submitted is read. GETS READ!!! Every. Piece. What did i have to lose? Even if they don't reply to me...every piece gets read.
Just knowing that was enough for me, but then I get this email. An email that says "We regret that are unable to use the emclosed material. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider it. Sincerely The Editors"
Whoa! The Editors.
You should have seen my face when I opened up the email. I must looked like a teenage girl that gets a reply from their favorite heart throb, MJ, you know the ones? The letters, that are actually written by their PR people but you cant tell that teenager that, as far as they're concerned it came directly from Michael Jackson HIMSELF!!!"
As far as I was concerned...it came directly FROM the Editors themselves...i didnt care if it was just a signature that the flunkies use..nope, did not care..why? Because someone at the New Yorker read MY work...hell, even if it was the janitor...didn't matter..he cleans desks at The New Yorker, doesn't he?..therefore he qualifies; he's there and he read it!
Funny, i never been this excited about recieving a rejection in my life..ever.
I'm not going to lie...its scary especially at my age, 40. I hear that a lots of editors want something young and fresh, all I need is just one to say "yes".
So, until I hear or read that three letter word..I will continue to visualize what I want in my mind. I will see it, feel it, taste it and believe in it. I will make my mental blue print, I set the foundation by not allowing my fear of failure or rejection take over and now i will continue to build it.
Remember to continue to be Inspiring and Be Inspired....I know I will.
Today was definitley a good day!-Ice Cube
Monday, February 15, 2010
Hubby took me and our son out to an early dinner, the daughter had a photo shoot to go do, so she was unable to join us (she trying to earn some money for her new phone, camera, shoes who knows but she'll be paying for it not us)
This isn't much an entry, I wanted to test the blogging from my new toy. Especially since this is the main purpose for it. To blog whenever my big heart contents!
Well my readers, Im off to take my 6 year old son to go see a movie.
Remember to always continue to be inspiring and be inspired!
Til the next entry!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, February 08, 2010
2. I was in LA Style Magazine for a feature that was done on "Underground Hip Hop Clubs in LA" a photographer was taking pictures of my friends and I doing different routines..what can I say...it was the 90's.
3. My life long Dream was to become a backup dancer for Janet Jackson, that's why 1 & 2 existed..in hopes to get "discovered"...but then God had a different plan for me..that was to become the mother of an amazing daughter who will make one helluva mark on this earth!
4. I'm an aspired writer...I'm currently writing an inspirational book.
5. Since the first time i ever saw Beat Street, I always knew somehow FATE would take me to New York....I married a Nuyorican with strong tie still there....His Mama!
6. I have a scar under my chin, got that when i was 2..i was taking a bath and decided to walk on the ledge on the tub, slipped and then 6 stitches later.
7. Contrary to popular belief I am not Puerto Rican. I AM Mexican and Italian. Married a Rican and some times I EVEN foget.....Hmmm...chisme or bonchinche?
8. I left the country for the first time when i was 30, my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) took me on a Caribbean Cruise...first stop Miami (LOVED IT!!) and then Puerto Rico...WEPA!! Gotta go back, they still celebrate Commonwealth holidays and lots of places were closed...Coma' you, me and my 40th!!! oh...and I plan to visit Italy one day.
9. I had always wanted to celebrate a Times Square New Years.. New Years 2005..we did and that's when my husband got down on one knee to ask me to marry him...in the middle of Times Square at 12:01am. After..I even stopped a random NYC Cop and told.."I just got engaged in your amazing City!!"
10. My first love whom I thought I was suppose to marry gave me away on my wedding day....If you know me, only in my world would something like that happen!
11. My Bestest, I've know for 22 years and we've been meeting for MNF for 2 years goin on 3. He helps understand my husband and men for that matter...Ladies every woman needs a male Best Friend...Trust...it helps.
12. I believe I'm one of the most positive people you'll ever meet..I cleanse my self of negativity everyday. Life is too short to allow it in your life. I randomly text my daughter these words..." My Princess, know you are the daughter of a Queen and you ARE destined for GREAT things!!" Ask her.. she'll tell you its true!
13. I am a huge fan of Patti Labelle...I even had a chance to meet her and was speechless...yes..ME speechless, one amazing woman...from her I learned to never Block my Blessings...go through life with a closed fist and the blessings will never have a chance to flow through...AMEN!
14. I believe all women are Queens, they just need to believe it themselves...this is why I started the Reina movement...When i greet ANY woman..whether the checker at the grocery store, the cashier at Taco Bell or an operator...they all get the same greeting..."Hello Queen how is your day? or Hola Reina come estas?" They look puzzled at first, then the smile shines brighter..try it, you'll see what i mean!
15. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart...15 years ago, i was working in a store, an elderly gentleman was paying for his items..opened his wallet to get his money and I notice a beautiful woman..probably taken in the 1950's...i told him.."what a stunning woman" he smiled with a gleamed in his eye and said, "That is my wife" and then he teared up and he said, "The best decision i ever made in my life was marrying my wife". I remember after he left i went to the stock room and cried...it was that kind of love with that much conviction that i wanted...at the age of 36...i got it! You're right Coma' ...never settle...I didnt!
16. When i was pregnant with my daughter, I was so scared to tell my family, that I "plotted" with my Comadre to go with her to Chicago and have the baby there and come back with her and tell everyone that my Comadre was the baby's mother, but she couldn't keep her so I would be raising her as my own...uh...anyone who has ever seen my daughter knows that I "spit her out" she looks exactly like me...yeah, yeah, I know that some Novela shit!!! Thanks Coma' for letting lose my marble for a second there.
17. I chose my daughter's Godmother, not based on that fact that she was my Best Friend when my daughter was born, but more based on the qualities she possessed. She is strong minded, she would never allow any differences that we may have to come in between her and her Goddaughter, she a very proud Latina, she is driven and very focused...qualities i want my Princesa to have and be surrounded by.
18. I attended the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising....I wanted to own my own boutique that had an underground night club....but didn't get my degree...had to quit to help my family.
19. I LOVE the GODFATHER...I live my life by it...especially...never choosing sides against the family..ever. And not just family with the same DNA...but FAMILY!!!
20. My zodiac sign is a Leo...which is why have have that protective gene and very loyal...when i got you, I GOT YOU..but when my loyalty is questioned...nothing can be the same.
21. I am the only girl with 4 brothers, whom i helped raised...they have all told me that they've always considered me their 2nd Mother....now that our Moms has passed and have moved up in rank. Some tough shoes to fill.
22. Some of my mother's last words to my brother about me were..." I gave your sister all the strength in the world, she can handle ANYTHING...but i forgot to give her some patience" yes, I am very impatient.
23. A writer writes some of their best work in their darkest moments...this is very true. when I am happy i get writer's block.
24. The best advise my Bestest ever gave me was.."You know the difference between a victim and a fighter? A victim lies there is gets ready to get f--ked! A fighter comes out of their corner swinging! Which are you?" I always come out swinging!!! Now, which are you?
25. When I've had a bad day..you know lost a job, lost a love one, had a huge fight with a person that matters to me...I always play my wedding video, it was the most happiest day of my life...I watch it so i can be reminded of how happy i was and what that feeling of that day was like so i can re-live it. everyone should have something like that, some thing to help them remind them of their most happiest moment. Remember, Victim or Fighter?
Most Favorite quote:
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou....
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
There have been a lot of changes happening, personally and professionally. I won't bore any of you with details but I want to share with you the one thing that seems to stay consistent in my life...aside from my family, close friends, and of course bill collectors and the IRS and that is .....my music.
No matter what my happens in my life, good, bad, celebrations, heartaches, tragedies, nor the status my mood, my emotion, my feelings...my music is ALWAYS there and continues to be, with no judgements or criticism... unless I ask for it.
Have you ever listened to a song and remember exactly where you were, what you wore, what you smelled when you first heard that song?
I ask Michael about this all the time and he thinks I'm just crazy...but something about the music....certain songs become a timeline, of ...my life, if you will.
Growing up...I spent lots of time with my Grandmother...oh how I adored her. She was a big fan of Norteno music...you know.."Los Tigres de Norte", Ramon Ayala and Antonio Aguilar"...you know? They played accordian type music...c'mon.. you know? I can remember when the school year would start; I'd spend the night at her house and she would get up at 4am to make fresh flour tortillas...the minute I heard the accordian music start and the "Ay ya ya's" begin...it was time to get a fresh tortilla off the "comal". Can't listen to norteno music without thinking of my Abuela and her tortillas! Oh, how I miss her and her amazing cooking.
Elementary school years went on and then, Grease was the word! A classmate brought his Grease soundtrack record...yes..record..and started playing "Grease Lightening:...we all started laughing when "Danny" starts to sing how they'll be getting girls:
Wow!! We've come ALONG way from just saying "shit" and "tit" in music.
Imagine Tupac, Eminem or Biggie listening to this?....they'd probably think it was some type of nursery rhyme.
Wait...doesn't a Barney song have 'shit' and 'tit' in it...
"I love you, you love me...you take a shit while grabbing on your mama's tit"...no?
Maybe Dr. Seuss...
I do not like green eggs and ham
Sam I Am....
I remember hearing, Michael Jacksons "Can't stop if you get enough", I was nine years old playing in the yard when this song came on the radio...all i thought was "Michael left the Jackson 5?"...saved my weekly quarter allowance to buy the "Off the Wall" album when it came out. To this day...still one of my favorite albums...RIP Michael...a music great!...a part of me feels like a widow now.
My first crush was when I was 11. I was in charge of taking song dedications for our school newspaper and I placed a dedication to my crush:
To: Jose S.
Song: When we Get Married
From: An Admirer
I remember this one time when I was 12, I had gotten onto a huge argument with a cousin and barged into my house and fell on my bed. I can remember having that feeling of anger and then I heard the Delfonics "La La Means I love you" all of a sudden, I was overcomed with a sense of calmness and the anger went away. I didnt understand how my anger could be gone just like that, especially after hearing a song. I asked my Mom why I felt real calm with this song; she said, "Its because I use to sing this song to you when you were a baby, it was the only way you'd sleep."
Part of the lyrics say:
That I needed in this world
You are the one for me
"I Want My MTV" was being chanted by every adolecent in the 80's and I was sure as hell was one of them!
Prince's Purple Rain album had just hit the airwaves..and the tv... "Let's Go Crazy", was my favorite cut.
My tv was glued on MTV so I could run to it every time i heard it come on...and I knew...the second I heard:
Fall arrived and of my Hip Hop awakening..."Beat Street" was out and I was in love with New York...I moved to a new neighborhood and there were neighborhood kids that would meet up at the neighborhood community center and breakdance...just like the Rock Steady Crew!
They were listening to World Famous Supreme Team's "Hey DJ"...when my cousin and I walked by to see them dance.
The boys would breakdance while the girls danced from left to right...shake shake to the left, freeze, shake shake shake to the right, freeze.
"Hey DJ just play that song, keep me dancing...all night"
We later would become friends with most of the people that were there...to this day they remain very dear to my heart.
Cha Cha style hits the scene...or you may know it as Freestyle or High Energy Disco: Connie, Cover Girls, Trinere, Sweet Sensation, Seduction, Nocera, Lime, Cynthia, Stevie B...ANY number of those songs take me right back to the best two years of my high school life. It was scene of satin tops, lots of pearls, different color pumps, big hair and Agua Net was our best friend...wait sounds like I'm describing Valley Girls....yeah yeah...but we were Latin versions of them...instead of Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"...it was Connie's "Funky Little Beat" Good friggin times!!!
After High School:
I meet my first boyfriend the fall after I graduated high school (remember,,,not allowed to date til i was 18) and we loved Salt n Pepa's "Push it"...he even says everytime he hears that song he thinks of our first meeting, Knotts Berry Farm's Studio K....you memmer!!!
Our love was every Keith Sweat and Al B Sure song sung....I can't listen to any of their songs without thinking of him. He's still one of my dearest friends to this day...and he even gave me away at my wedding....yeah I know...things like this only happen in MY World!!!
Then the clubbing begins and my romance with music begins to climax....my love of underground hip hop becomes evident. In how I dressed and my dancing style.
Boogie Down Production's "The Bridge is Over"...hearing the synthasizers ( i think they're synths) and the piano rhythm in the beginning...whoa...my heart skips a beat everytime I hear that cut
Manhattan keeps on makin it, Brooklyn keeps on takin it
Bronx keeps creatin it and Queens keeps on fakin it
Di di di da di di dida di da...aiy!
I actually got to meet them when they were on tour out here. It was definitley a fly moment in my life. BDP!!!
During this time, I was also a huge Janet Jackson fan and my dream was one day to be one of her backup dancers. I use to hit all sorts of underground clubs in hopes of being "discovered". My all time favorite album of hers is Rhythm Nation 1814 and I knew the choreography to all her music. It was Janet Jackson's "Miss You Much" that I attempted to karaoke to and it was also at that time that I realized that though I may dance like Janet...I definitely didnt sing like her. When reviewing the tape of the gawd-awful performance...i kep telling my girl..."i sound like someone but who?"...then it HIT me...I sounded exactly like Brittany Friggin Chipmunk...squeak and all!!!! It was definitely an experience.
I would later take another jab at karaoke and found that through the years I actually got better and started to sound just like Mary J Blige or En Vogue depending on the song.......well...that's after 6 cadillac margaritas with an extra shot of Cuervo...oh! not for me but for the audience...the alcohol would numb their ears so the squeaking sound coming from my mouth wouldn't be so piercing when i started to sing in the mic.....just stating fact..thats all.
House music was making its way to the west coast from the Chi and it was about that time I met my Comadre Jenny...who by the way wasn't my comadre yet...When i first met her I had just been transferred to the Jay Jacobs in Lakewood Mall...ya'll memmer Jay Jacobs. She walked in and i instantly didnt like her. We both shared an assistant managers position and i was a cocky bitch and felt that i didnt need to share any position with any one. She walked in and was wearing this black and white geometric looking dress with a wide headband...it was the nineties and block, geometric looks were in. I thought to myself, she reminded me of someone and at the moment the store radio started to play Deee Light's "Groove is in the Heart" and that was it..she reminded me of Deee Light with hefr short bop and headband...i was stuck working with her side by side for inventory that day and by the end of our shift...i loved her! and..really liked house music!
I started to hang out with Jenny alot; she and her Mom used to go to this spot in West Covina called Wings...they played salsa music, the closest i ever got to listening to salsa music was watching Robbie Rosa (ex-Menudo) in the movie "Salsa"...seeing it live was completely different and amazing. Watching the salsa band play the different instruments and watching the people dance as if it were flowing water and so in sync...was just...GWOW!!! it truly is a dance that if you have the wrong partner...you can look like shit dancing. Jen turned me on to Grupo Niche and the one hit i remember was "Cali"..it was also part the "Salsa" soundtrack.
With the birth of my daughter, Isis, came my love of classical music. My mentor, who was alive at the time, said that having Isis listen to classical music as an infant will allow her to appreciate music that much more. So...she brought out Beethoven, Bach, the Three Tenors and she was right...Isis to this day can listen to anything, as I, and appreciate the talent behind it.
(by the way, Jenny was interning in Chicago at the time of my pregnancy and when it came time for me to have Isis, Jen's plane has just landed in LAX and instead of going home, she went straight to the hospital to watch Isis be born....and THAT's how she became my comadre...lil tid bit of what else goes on in my world)
Now that I was a mother and raising this beautiful lil girl, my dream of becoming a dancer had to be placed on the backburner. However, my affair with music hadn't ceased, my child was a result of that love affair. Color Me Bad's "I Wanna Sex You Up" had hit the airwaves and seemed like you could hear it in every car passing by or out of most of the windows in the neighborhood including mine.
Later, things didn't work out with him and I began to feel the lonliness of being a single Mom. I remember hearing Cheryl Pepsi Riley's "Thanks for my Child"...and it was this "letter" if you will, stating no worries, the greatest blessing in life was this beautiful little gift from an incredible union and God had blessed ME to carry her. Here are a couple bars of the lyrics:
You came into my life, You just made everything right.
And even though my man has left me behind,
I don't regret a thing for having you.
I'll stay and watch you grow, Yes I will! I'll raise you by myself, A one woman show.
You make life worth singing a song
With you right here with me,
I 'll have the strength to go on.
Yes, true blessing. Lord, Thank you for MY child.
I must have rehearsed my lines
A thousand times
Until I had them memorized
But when I get up the nerve
To tell you, the words
Just never seem to come out right
If only you knew
How much I do
Do love you
If only you knew
How much I do
Do need you
Since my first boyfriend and my daughter's father I hadn't been in a real relationship; in the beginning this relationship was a dream come true.
Ohhh, it's K-Ci baby, mmm that want you lady
Ohhh, don't act so shady, baby your taste as fine as gravy
The way you move that thang, you make me wanna sang
Girl you make my bells rang, make them go ting-a-ling!
Can you see it? huh, huh, can you? I could...Im at work right now and I'm even trying to attempt spinning in my swivel chair as I'm typing this....oooh a new brand of exotic dancers...Exotic "sitters"...swerving the chairs and lift it up and down with that lever crap on the side of the chair that lifts and drops the height of the chair...yyyiiiyahhh...i can see it.
Then the inevitable happened...probably the most devastating breakup I had ever experienced...he left me for someone else. (Read my Blog entry Titled: Girl Talk Part Deux)
I started to go out with my friends to deal with my lonliness and my anger; to deal with my anger, they turned me on to Alanis Morissettes "Jagged Little Pill" cd.
I started to listen to Alanis Morissettes, "You Outta know"
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive
Since then, I have forgiven him with my hold heart...(he's probably reading this and thinking..."Wow, really?"...my answer to him..."yes, really!") but I survived.
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
- I'm a writer that writes from the heart...and emotion (ergo, the name of my blog). Most of what I write about, I have had first hand experience in. Anything I review does not say I am an expert...I only write what I THINK and whether I like it or not! Not how the rest of the world should think or feel. I am Mexican/Italian and a Leo..again..why my blog is called the World of Emotion!! Hope you enjoy what I have to say and/or review. Enjoy!