My Love Affair with Music!

There have been a lot of changes happening, personally and professionally. I won't bore any of you with details but I want to share with you the one thing that seems to stay consistent in my life...aside from my family, close friends, and of course bill collectors and the IRS and that is .....my music.

No matter what my happens in my life, good, bad, celebrations, heartaches, tragedies, nor the status my mood, my emotion, my feelings...my music is ALWAYS there and continues to be, with no judgements or criticism... unless I ask for it.

Have you ever listened to a song and remember exactly where you were, what you wore, what you smelled when you first heard that song?

I ask Michael about this all the time and he thinks I'm just crazy...but something about the music....certain songs become a timeline, of ...my life, if you will.

You may think this is a version of Common's "I Use To Love Her", but the love I'm describing is not about the changes of hip hop but that of all music...different genres, different artists...and a different me for each love....this is a love story of how music saved my soul.

It all starts when I was a lil girl maybe about three or four, it was before any of my brothers were born or even a thought for that matter; my mom use to take me driving around the city with her to people watch and just listen to music. She use to play the radio loud so she and i would bob our heads and dance, well...as much as we could in a moving car. Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl" came on and she would sing it to me. I had brown eyes and she'd always called me her "Brown Eyed Girl"...though the song was nothing about a child but that more of young summer love. Listening to that song takes me right back to that moment when it was just her and I. The day my mother died..she told me how much she loved me and for me to always think of her when I hear this song. Even as Im typing this now, the tears are streaming down my cheek...I miss her.

Elementary:


Growing up...I spent lots of time with my Grandmother...oh how I adored her. She was a big fan of Norteno music...you know.."Los Tigres de Norte", Ramon Ayala and Antonio Aguilar"...you know? They played accordian type music...c'mon.. you know? I can remember when the school year would start; I'd spend the night at her house and she would get up at 4am to make fresh flour tortillas...the minute I heard the accordian music start and the "Ay ya ya's" begin...it was time to get a fresh tortilla off the "comal". Can't listen to norteno music without thinking of my Abuela and her tortillas! Oh, how I miss her and her amazing cooking.


Elementary school years went on and then, Grease was the word! A classmate brought his Grease soundtrack record...yes..record..and started playing "Grease Lightening:...we all started laughing when "Danny" starts to sing how they'll be getting girls:

You know that aint no shit we"ll be getting lots of tit

in Grease Lightning

Wow!! We've come ALONG way from just saying "shit" and "tit" in music.

Imagine Tupac, Eminem or Biggie listening to this?....they'd probably think it was some type of nursery rhyme.

Wait...doesn't a Barney song have 'shit' and 'tit' in it...

"I love you, you love me...you take a shit while grabbing on your mama's tit"...no?

Maybe Dr. Seuss...

I do not like green eggs and ham
Sam I Am....

I do not like eggs on the file

I do not like them in any style

I will not take them while i shit

I will not take them while I grab her tit....No?

I begin to laugh every time when I hear that song...we thought we were doing something back then, sneaking around to listen to this song with "curse" words.

I remember hearing, Michael Jacksons "Can't stop if you get enough", I was nine years old playing in the yard when this song came on the radio...all i thought was "Michael left the Jackson 5?"...saved my weekly quarter allowance to buy the "Off the Wall" album when it came out. To this day...still one of my favorite albums...RIP Michael...a music great!...a part of me feels like a widow now.


Junior High:


My first crush was when I was 11. I was in charge of taking song dedications for our school newspaper and I placed a dedication to my crush:

To: Jose S.
Song: When we Get Married
From: An Admirer

He had no clue who I was and here I was dedicating The Intruders, "When We Get Married"...boy I was bold back then...but then again when you're remain anonymous, its amazing the things you can do. Now when I hear that song...I get giddy...don't tell my husband, though...this song was in our wedding video.

I remember this one time when I was 12, I had gotten onto a huge argument with a cousin and barged into my house and fell on my bed. I can remember having that feeling of anger and then I heard the Delfonics "La La Means I love you" all of a sudden, I was overcomed with a sense of calmness and the anger went away. I didnt understand how my anger could be gone just like that, especially after hearing a song. I asked my Mom why I felt real calm with this song; she said, "Its because I use to sing this song to you when you were a baby, it was the only way you'd sleep."


Part of the lyrics say:

If I ever saw a girl
That I needed in this world
You are the one for me

Funny...when I started dating, I always imagined the guys trying to vie for my love with a line like this. I smile to myself when I think about that now....hmmmm didnt quite work out like that.

When I was in the eighth grade; I had made the drill team and the first routine we learned was to Zapp's "Do Wah Ditty"....now 25+ years later, when I hear that song I stop what I'm doing to start doing formation...march... left...left...left right left...., hands on hips... point left arm straight to swing around...arms to the front..."Do wah...Do wah ditty..." Good times while rocking the maroon and gold....with my gold Nike Cortez'...thats right i said it..CORTEZs.....Go Cougars!!!...wait...I WAS a cougar EVEN back then...should have known...."Do Wha..Do wha ditty"

High School:

"I Want My MTV" was being chanted by every adolecent in the 80's and I was sure as hell was one of them!

How cool were the VJ's? They got to see all the music videos whenever they wanted as many times they wanted to.

Prince's Purple Rain album had just hit the airwaves..and the tv... "Let's Go Crazy", was my favorite cut.

My tv was glued on MTV so I could run to it every time i heard it come on...and I knew...the second I heard:

"Dearly Beloved..'

I'd run from my room, raise the volume on the t.v. and begin to finish the intro with Prince...

"we are gathered here today..

to get through this thing called life..

Electric word..Life, it means forever..

and thats a mighty long time,

but im here to tell you, there's something else..

The After World!"

A world of never ending happiness

U can always see the sun, day or night

So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills

(this is where i act like im talking on the phone, calling the shrink)

You know the one? Dr. Everything'll Be Alright

Instead of asking of much of your time is left

(I point to my watch..you know for "time"?)

Ask him how much of your mind, baby

(pointing to my head)

Cuz in this life..

things are much harder in the After World

In this life

Your On Your OWN!

And if the elevator tries to bring you down...

GO CRAZY (do crazy motion to your head)

punch a high floor!!!"

AND then.....I'd dance around the living room "going crazy"...ahhhh...to be 14 again!!!

The Summer going into my sophmore year was the Summer of my Passage to Womanhood...My Quinceanera! The party you spend most of your life planning...nothing like today's Super Sweet whatever...it was a party that all you cared about was..... making it in the local newspaper...for me..it was Neighborhood News!!! and how thrilled I was when I made the front page!!!

I choreographed and planned the waltz for weeks and we peformed it to: Chicago's "Color My World"

As Im typing this, I'm listening to it right now...I remember every step, every bow, every courtsey and the turn spins...I even marched through an arch of canes....my court's escorts wore tails, top hats and canes...what? it was the 80's and it was soooooo in. It was the best night of my life...I even fell asleep in my big ass dress.

My first kiss I was *cough* *cough* when I was 16...I was a late bloomer...my parents were extremely strict...especially since i was the only girl; I wasn't allow to date until I was 18....and I didnt dare defy my parents.

I spent that summer with my cousin, who lived in what we all thought was the other side of the world...now being driving veteren...it was actually the other side of Pomona..West Covina to be exact.

It was a hot summer night and one of my guy cousin's friend was visiting from East LA. It was late and everyone had gone to bed except he and I; we were listening to Bernard Wright's "Who Do You Love" and then he stole a kiss. I remember feeling awkward...its wasnt like i spent time practicing on my hand or a balloon full of pudding like the girls from "Now and Then" for this moment to happen. It definitely was memorable. Mmmmm....Love that song!

Fall arrived and of my Hip Hop awakening..."Beat Street" was out and I was in love with New York...I moved to a new neighborhood and there were neighborhood kids that would meet up at the neighborhood community center and breakdance...just like the Rock Steady Crew!

They were listening to World Famous Supreme Team's "Hey DJ"...when my cousin and I walked by to see them dance.

The boys would breakdance while the girls danced from left to right...shake shake to the left, freeze, shake shake shake to the right, freeze.

"Hey DJ just play that song, keep me dancing...all night"

We later would become friends with most of the people that were there...to this day they remain very dear to my heart.

Cha Cha style hits the scene...or you may know it as Freestyle or High Energy Disco: Connie, Cover Girls, Trinere, Sweet Sensation, Seduction, Nocera, Lime, Cynthia, Stevie B...ANY number of those songs take me right back to the best two years of my high school life. It was scene of satin tops, lots of pearls, different color pumps, big hair and Agua Net was our best friend...wait sounds like I'm describing Valley Girls....yeah yeah...but we were Latin versions of them...instead of Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"...it was Connie's "Funky Little Beat" Good friggin times!!!

After High School:

I meet my first boyfriend the fall after I graduated high school (remember,,,not allowed to date til i was 18) and we loved Salt n Pepa's "Push it"...he even says everytime he hears that song he thinks of our first meeting, Knotts Berry Farm's Studio K....you memmer!!!

Our love was every Keith Sweat and Al B Sure song sung....I can't listen to any of their songs without thinking of him. He's still one of my dearest friends to this day...and he even gave me away at my wedding....yeah I know...things like this only happen in MY World!!!

Then the clubbing begins and my romance with music begins to climax....my love of underground hip hop becomes evident. In how I dressed and my dancing style.

Boogie Down Production's "The Bridge is Over"...hearing the synthasizers ( i think they're synths) and the piano rhythm in the beginning...whoa...my heart skips a beat everytime I hear that cut

Manhattan keeps on makin it, Brooklyn keeps on takin it

Bronx keeps creatin it and Queens keeps on fakin it

Di di di da di di dida di da...aiy!

I actually got to meet them when they were on tour out here. It was definitley a fly moment in my life. BDP!!!

During this time, I was also a huge Janet Jackson fan and my dream was one day to be one of her backup dancers. I use to hit all sorts of underground clubs in hopes of being "discovered". My all time favorite album of hers is Rhythm Nation 1814 and I knew the choreography to all her music. It was Janet Jackson's "Miss You Much" that I attempted to karaoke to and it was also at that time that I realized that though I may dance like Janet...I definitely didnt sing like her. When reviewing the tape of the gawd-awful performance...i kep telling my girl..."i sound like someone but who?"...then it HIT me...I sounded exactly like Brittany Friggin Chipmunk...squeak and all!!!! It was definitely an experience.

I would later take another jab at karaoke and found that through the years I actually got better and started to sound just like Mary J Blige or En Vogue depending on the song.......well...that's after 6 cadillac margaritas with an extra shot of Cuervo...oh! not for me but for the audience...the alcohol would numb their ears so the squeaking sound coming from my mouth wouldn't be so piercing when i started to sing in the mic.....just stating fact..thats all.

My romance becomes international when I get introduced to Dancehall Reggae music; beginning with Pinchers and Papa San. I felt the beat just hug my curves and seduced me to wine low and shake my bum. Dancehall music has truly become my secret love ...if i had to label my musical relationship..R & B would be my husband and Dancehall would be my mister...mister?...mistress?...lover? you get the idea..and when I want to feel wanted and passionate; I'd just insert tape and press play. (yes, i said TAPE..cd's nor mp3's existed yet)

House music was making its way to the west coast from the Chi and it was about that time I met my Comadre Jenny...who by the way wasn't my comadre yet...When i first met her I had just been transferred to the Jay Jacobs in Lakewood Mall...ya'll memmer Jay Jacobs. She walked in and i instantly didnt like her. We both shared an assistant managers position and i was a cocky bitch and felt that i didnt need to share any position with any one. She walked in and was wearing this black and white geometric looking dress with a wide headband...it was the nineties and block, geometric looks were in. I thought to myself, she reminded me of someone and at the moment the store radio started to play Deee Light's "Groove is in the Heart" and that was it..she reminded me of Deee Light with hefr short bop and headband...i was stuck working with her side by side for inventory that day and by the end of our shift...i loved her! and..really liked house music!

I started to hang out with Jenny alot; she and her Mom used to go to this spot in West Covina called Wings...they played salsa music, the closest i ever got to listening to salsa music was watching Robbie Rosa (ex-Menudo) in the movie "Salsa"...seeing it live was completely different and amazing. Watching the salsa band play the different instruments and watching the people dance as if it were flowing water and so in sync...was just...GWOW!!! it truly is a dance that if you have the wrong partner...you can look like shit dancing. Jen turned me on to Grupo Niche and the one hit i remember was "Cali"..it was also part the "Salsa" soundtrack.

With the birth of my daughter, Isis, came my love of classical music. My mentor, who was alive at the time, said that having Isis listen to classical music as an infant will allow her to appreciate music that much more. So...she brought out Beethoven, Bach, the Three Tenors and she was right...Isis to this day can listen to anything, as I, and appreciate the talent behind it.

(by the way, Jenny was interning in Chicago at the time of my pregnancy and when it came time for me to have Isis, Jen's plane has just landed in LAX and instead of going home, she went straight to the hospital to watch Isis be born....and THAT's how she became my comadre...lil tid bit of what else goes on in my world)

Now that I was a mother and raising this beautiful lil girl, my dream of becoming a dancer had to be placed on the backburner. However, my affair with music hadn't ceased, my child was a result of that love affair. Color Me Bad's "I Wanna Sex You Up" had hit the airwaves and seemed like you could hear it in every car passing by or out of most of the windows in the neighborhood including mine.

Later, things didn't work out with him and I began to feel the lonliness of being a single Mom. I remember hearing Cheryl Pepsi Riley's "Thanks for my Child"...and it was this "letter" if you will, stating no worries, the greatest blessing in life was this beautiful little gift from an incredible union and God had blessed ME to carry her. Here are a couple bars of the lyrics:

You came into my life, You just made everything right.
And even though my man has left me behind,
I don't regret a thing for having you.
I'll stay and watch you grow, Yes I will! I'll raise you by myself, A one woman show.
You make life worth singing a song
With you right here with me,
I 'll have the strength to go on.

Yes, true blessing. Lord, Thank you for MY child.

I went through a rough patch in my life and when I hear Warren G's "Regulate"...it takes me right to THAT rough patch...when i finally finish THAT book..you'll know what I'm talking about. As Jay-Z would say...On to the Next One...

Then I met someone who made things about ME...and it was nice. We had a secret admiration for one another....you see two different religious backgrounds...and it was rough. I remember the day he told me that he wanted to pursue something with me but wasnt sure how i felt about him...coincidentally I had finish writing him a letter expressing my feelings and telling him that the words to Patti Labelle's "If Only you Knew" said it all:

I must have rehearsed my lines
A thousand times
Until I had them memorized
But when I get up the nerve
To tell you, the words
Just never seem to come out right
If only you knew
How much I do
Do love you
If only you knew
How much I do
Do need you

Since my first boyfriend and my daughter's father I hadn't been in a real relationship; in the beginning this relationship was a dream come true.

I would later move to Los Angeles with him and it was all about Tupac's Makaveli's CD and my cut was, "Toss It Up". I always said if i were to ever be a stripper ....my bad Exotic Dancer, this would my song to dance to...boom boom boom..."its the thug in Him!!!"...by the way my imaginary stripper..wups Exotic Dancer name is The Delicious Diva...this part right here...i'd swing around the pole and when K Ci get to "bells rang..make them do ting a ling"...Im shaking my hip and drop it! BAM!

Ohhh, it's K-Ci baby, mmm that want you lady
Ohhh, don't act so shady, baby your taste as fine as gravy
The way you move that thang, you make me wanna sang
Girl you make my bells rang, make them go ting-a-ling!

Can you see it? huh, huh, can you? I could...Im at work right now and I'm even trying to attempt spinning in my swivel chair as I'm typing this....oooh a new brand of exotic dancers...Exotic "sitters"...swerving the chairs and lift it up and down with that lever crap on the side of the chair that lifts and drops the height of the chair...yyyiiiyahhh...i can see it.

Then the inevitable happened...probably the most devastating breakup I had ever experienced...he left me for someone else. (Read my Blog entry Titled: Girl Talk Part Deux)

I started to go out with my friends to deal with my lonliness and my anger; to deal with my anger, they turned me on to Alanis Morissettes "Jagged Little Pill" cd.

I started to listen to Alanis Morissettes, "You Outta know"

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

Oooh.. that song got me through some hard times...I remember when there were these instances i would call my ex, I'd start to pick fights and basically embarass myself but then after hearing this song; instead of calling, i'd play this and act like i was singing to him...even now when I listen to it...it takes me right back to that place, when I was filled with so much hate and bitterness...not because there is still a hold or anything like that, but just to show how powerful a song can be to our memories; that the songs could in fact take us back to the state of mind we were in when we first heard a particular song.

Since then, I have forgiven him with my hold heart...(he's probably reading this and thinking..."Wow, really?"...my answer to him..."yes, really!") but I survived.

Just like Stella got her Groove back...so DID I!!! The happier me started to be more fun to hang out with and it was Black Eyed Pea's "That's the Joint" that helped me to bring more life into MY life. Talk about goooood tiiiiimes...this song, my black velvet catsuit, 4 inch stilettos and the DJ eyeing me every time i walked into the spot, pushed my confidence level to a height that i knew..."I was a baaaaaaad bitch!!!"...aahhhh wish we had pictures of that, but thats what my photographic memory is for, right?

After months of this, I finally meet the person that would call me his Queen for life. However, if you were to ask at that time if we were each others "the one", we probably would have told you ...uh...no!

Our first date was movie and drinks; we decided to go see Summer Of Sam...whoa...not exactly a great first date movie...all i have to say is...orgy scene. I was mortified in the seat next to him. Him? ahh I bet he was thrilled thinking, "Yeah man...she chose this movie, she must be a freak..you think she's giving me a hint with movie...look at her..acting like she's looking at the movie..c'mon look at me, give the look...how about if i just slowly put my arm around her...think she'll push it away?..hmm let me try". He does proceed to put his arm around me, boy I sure hope he doesn't think he's gonna get lucky cause of this whack ass movie, what the hell was i thinking...good gawd, he must think im some time freaky chick...nope buddy.. I AM NOT!!!

Well turns out we clicked and proceeded to date. We were really into each other and one day we talked about how alot of couples have a song and we really don't. He never thought of it and me being the girl that I am...thought of it all the time. I thought maybe it was a bad omen, like we wouldnt last if we didnt have one. Well one day he decides to take me to a pool hall to meet his dad, brother and cousin..all guys of course. So the guys are being guys and playing pool and I'm watching them play. He was on one side of the place and I on the other...then all of a sudden, the jukebox played Aerosmith's "Dont Want to Miss a Thing"...as soon as I heard the first bar...i looked around the place for him and he was doing the same thing; we locked eyes and nodded to each other...we had just found our song:

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

Through the years together, this wouldn't be our only song, though the first, but definitely not the last. There will be different trials and tribulations that our relationship would experience; when they happen, a new song would come from it, to remind us of those moments and allowing us to add to our playlist.

When I look back at all the different "loves" of my life...they all, from R & B to Hip Hop to Classical, all at one point or another saved my soul. I will be forever grateful to them for that.

In and Out of Time by Maya Angelou

The other night I was watching Madea's Family Reunion...I always enjoy Tyler Perry's movies, the messages are always so powerful...which reminds me...

Note to self: Teach Isis how to play Grit Ball.

My absolutely favorite part was Maya Angelou reciting her poem
"In and Out of Time"

I found the words and wanted to publish it on my blog.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do everytime i hear her read it.

Whew...thats love!

The sun has come.

The mist has gone.

We see in the distance...our long way home.

I was always yours to have.

You were always mine.

We have loved each other in and out of time.

When the first stone looked up at the blazing sunand the first tree struggled up from the forest floor

I had always loved you more.

You freed your braids...gave your hair to the breeze.

It hummed like a hive of honey bees.

I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there....Mmmm...

God how I love your hair.You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.

Lost, injured, hurt by chance.

I screamed to the heavens....loudly screamed....

Trying to change our nightmares to dreams...

The sun has come.

The mist has gone.

We see in the distance our long way home.

I was always yours to have.

You were always mine.

We have loved each other in and outin and outin and outof time.

HANDBOOK FOR 2010

Hello Readers,

Happy New Year! Yes, I know I'm a bit late for the greeting; I realized I haven't posted anything since my year end review, so here I am.

Below was an email chain I recieved from a friend, a Reina to be exact and I thought, "how perfect for this to be my first post for 2010".

So, here I am reposting this; I want to preface on what you're about to read.

This is a bucket lost if you will, of how you could, actually... no, Ima be bold and say "SHOULD" go into 2010 thinking:

Some of the items we never even think twice about and then there some that we dont even think about, period.

Enjoy it my Readers especially mis Reinas, this is the year of the Reina Movement 2010.

This is the year we're taking back who we are and leashing out who we're meant to be!!!

Be Inspired and Be Inspiring!

Health:



1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants...

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

5. Make time to pray.

6. Play more games

7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .

8.. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day

9. Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.



Personality:



11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..

18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23. Smile and laugh more.

24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...



Society:



25. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30.. What other people think of you is none of your business.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.



Life:



32. Do the right thing!

33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34. GOD heals everything.

35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..

36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37. The best is yet to come..

38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.



Last but not the least:



40. Have the upmost respect for one another, don't assume people will do things for you because its you.


Somewhere through the generations, common courtesy went out the window, its up to us to retrieve it and instill it in the next generation. (Oh, and By the way...the last one is a HUGE pet peeve of mine!!!....HUGE!)

So there you have it...I've equipped you with your Handbook for 2010, its up to you to implement it.

I'm going to share some food for thought that I read from "The Maxwell Daily Reader by John Maxwell"

"Focus on the things you can do something about today"

This hit home for me...I was that person that was ALWAYS thinking about the tomorrows, next weeks, next year and 10 years from now and missed out on alot of todays. Live in your moment, take it in and focus on WHAT you really can do about it today. The saying is so true, "No one is ever promised tomorrow" so, please my readers, "Live today!!"

La Reina's 2009 Year End Review

Hello My Readers....

As promised..its midnight....

Below is my Year end Review...hope you all enjoy. Please leave comments and let me know what you think!!!

When the New Year starts to approach; we all begin to make our New Years Resolutions. We think "this is the year we're going to lose those stubborn 15 pounds that we gained last year" or "I'm going to work on my resume and look for a higher paying job" or in my case "This is the year I'm going to finish my book". Well 2009 didn't begin the way that I had hoped and the resolutions that I thought I would be going into the New Year quickly disappeared. I tried to write as much as I could but nothing was worth writing for the book. I did, however, continue to write on blog all that I felt I needed to write. So, then I decided I would write MY Year End Review the way I saw it.

From Beginning to End......

January 2009

I started off the year the most worse possible way I could: With the death of my mother, January 1, 2009. I truly didnt think i could survive this, but with the support of myfamily and my friends, I have been able to walk tall and found a lil more strength I didnt know I even had.

Rest in Peace Mami, you're missed every second, of every minute, of every hour of every day!

February 2009

Ah, February had a highlight, My Sister (not by birth, but definitely by God) Maria was married on February 14, 2009. I was the matron of honour and there has not been a wedding (aside from my own) that had me so emotional as hers did. She looked amazing and looked so very happy. I'm so very happy for her, Pleze and Phoenix...

My New Years Wish for you sis, is that God continue to bless your marriage and family with all the happines you all deserve. Love you!

March 2009, April 2009, May 2009

This was my "New Moon" period (those of you who read the book or saw the movie, know what i mean)...i spent most of this time missing my Mom and sleeping in the family room in hopes that she would appear to me and tell me all would be okay.

Highlight: In March, Mikey turned 6..a blessing for a child to make it to another year!

Not so highlight: Our first Mothers Day without Mom...this was hard....a bit emotional!

June 2009

Seemed half way through the year, it didnt get any better.

Do you all remember where you were when you heard the news of Farrah's and Michael's death? I was at work and couldnt believe the news that we all had heard. I kept looking at my facebook looking for updates and it seemed the entire FB family was just as shocked as I was.

I grew up listening to Michael going back as far as I can remember...a friend put it best:

"Michael, thank you for being part of the soundtrack to my life"
It is still so surreal.

A Fallen King and a Fallen Angel

July 2009

A very Bittersweet month

Paris Jackson, 11, Prince Michael, 12 and Prince Michael II aka "Blanket, 7

We watched Michael Jackson's memorial service as it was televised all over the world, from our very own Los Angeles Staple Center. Listening to the eulogies from Brooke Shields to Rev. Al Sharpton leaving me to remember when the reverend addressed Michael's children as they sat in the front row with their grandmother, aunts and uncles.

He looked at them from the podium and said:

"I want his children to know there was nothing strange about your Daddy, it was strange what your Daddy had to deal with"

Then the inevitable happened; Paris Jackson took the mic and spoke:

"I just wanted to say, ever since I was born, daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine, and I just wanted to say I love him so much."

Even as I write this, my tears are forming, I couldn't imagine my young children living without me.

My New Years wish for the Jackson Children, that they continue to be there for each other. Their father was an amazing humanitarian and hope they follow in those amazing footsteps...moon walk and all; also, I hope that they continue to ignore all the negativity that was said about their father. Like Paris said, Michael was "The best father you could ever imagine"

Rest in Peace Michael!

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Then we had the birth of my Michael's Best Friend, Maria Louie.
Here is Ethan, just so adorable...looks just like both is parents.

Congrats Maria & Glenn..you did good!

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Family:

My brother Sergio is blessed to see his 30th birthday and the first to experience our Mom not being here to celebrate with us. Love you Brother!

August 2009

Aw August....MY BIRTHDAY MONTH...anyone who knows me; knows I celebrate ALL month long!!
However, this birthday was a rough one...not because I was turning 40, but because my Mom didn't survive to see me make it to this milestone.

Here I am holding my Bestest's son, Leo..another great addition to the family. The world could always use another "Leo" in this world. He was born a day before my birthday.

Thank you Bestest...he was truly a great gift!!

BIG Brother & Little Brother

Sam & Leo Lozano
The Lozanos make some good looking babies!

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I Make It To 40

As I stated earlier, this one was a rough one. I thought Mothers Day was; if you read my earlier blog from August titled "Four Thirty One" you'll know why.

But...I celebrated it RIGHT...80's style!!!

Here is me and lil brother Frankie

It was my 40th and his 35th, we hadnt celebrated a birthday together since I was 21 and he 16. This was definitley long over due!!

Happy Birthday to us Lil brother...I love you!!

My brothers...nuff said!

My MNF Crew...love you boyz!!!


September 2009

Another Bittersweet month

My boy Sebastian gets married..he's the first male out of the "circle" to get married. It was an awesome wedding, their wedding vows were...were...i can't even explain. It was about Soul Mates and had my heart skip a beat...Jen and Sebastian still waiting on those. I want to write about them

Annnnd it was at their wedding that a female guest admitted that she had a "girl crush" on me!

Nice! Psh...turning 40 wasn't too bad; I got both sexes thinking I'm cute! WHAT!!??

Love you guys and congrats again!

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We lose the man that gave us one of the best quotes:

"No body puts Baby on a corner"

Patrick Swayze lost his battle with Stage IV Pancreatic cancer on September 14,2009.

He will be always remembered for his role as Johnny in "Dirty Dancing" and my favorite,as Sam Wheat in "Ghost"...I always laugh when i think of him singing:

"I'm Henery the Eighth, I am,

Henery the Eighth I am, I am!
I got married to the widow next door,
She'd been married seven times before.
And every one was an Henery
She wouldn't have a Willie or a Sam
I'm her eighth old man named Henery
Henery the Eighth, I am!

Second verse same as the first"


Whoopi's character can not sleep because of this...hilarious!!!


Rest in Peace Patrick!


October 2009

Tragedy hits our family once again.



Four generations of Aviles Men


On October 16, 2009 at 4:20am my Father in Law, Jaime Aviles lost his battle to lung cancer. I thought things couldnt get any worse for our family. Oh! was I mistaken.

His memorial service was probably one of the hardest moments I ever had to sit through.

All the eulogies were spoken and so beautifully written and spoken. Michael's step mother Mary spoke and it had been her words that helped Michael release the pain that he'd been holding in.

Then Michael spoke...I dont think there was a dry eye in the church:


"As you know my dad and I made up, but I never got to say to him what I really wanted to. I always thought my Dad would live forever so I could be mad at him forever, but as you can see thats not the case. If there is anyone that you are not speaking to, please make amends before it is too late"

He was right...life is too short and to live with bitterness in your heart only keeps you from living. Remember forgiveness is never for the person asking for it but for the person giving it. It is only then that you can really accept the blessings that God has in store for you.


An FB friend ends most of his status' with K.L.E.O!!

"Keep Loving Each Other"

Since the funeral, the Aviles Family has made such an effort to be A FAMILY and I am so thankful to be part of it.

Rest in Peace, Pop!

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Here are all the characters to my poem:

"My Brothers; My Sons"

There is nothing that these men wouldn't do for me nor I them.

Brothers, though 2009 was a rough one for us, in 2010 we'll be looking to the North because Mom is looking to the South and Blessing us each day!

I love you!

Family:

My daughter, Isis was blessed to see her 17th birthday and

My Brother Freddy was blessed to see his 26th birthday day!

Birthdays aren't a curse...they are a blessing, that its another year you get to spend with your loved ones.

Embrace it & Enjoy it! No matter the milestone!

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My Baby Girl is Growing Up


My daughter, Isis has announced that by Summer 2011, she will be a resident of New York State. The Empire state is calling one of their own back home.

Her dream is to attend NYU and so she presented us with a plan...well...an agenda planned out so well that we couldnt say "no".

Did I ever tell you all how amazing she is? She's not perfect and I dont think I'd have her any other way.

I've always told everyone that God blessed me so much that He allowed me to give birth to my Best Friend.


She has been my strength when I thought I had none left. My courage when I thought I was took weak to continue.


My light when everything seemed so dim that I couldnt see.

She and I may get into the normal Daughter/Mother spats but we seem to survive them.

Even as we ended October with one of the roughest patches we had ever come across, we managed to pull through it, though not 100%, I'm confidant we will be.

























My New Years wish for you Baby Girl: Is that you continue to have the drive and focus that your Nina and I have instilled in you. You're going to be an amazing photo jounalist and we will be beside you every step of the way. And when you think you can't, look to the North and know Grandma is saying: "My I-ziz you can do anything your heart desires!"

I love you!



Remember you ARE the Daughter, Granddaughter & Goddaughter of Reinas and the Daughter of the King of Kings;



The world is yours; all you have to do is go out and claim it!!!


November 2009

Yankees Take number 27

I'm not gonna rub this one in too much.

In the words of Forrest Gump: "That's all I have to say about that!"

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Family:

My Baby Brother Henry is blessed to see is 19th birthday!!

I love you, Lil Brother!!

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2nd Annual Wives Wine Tasting
Temecula, CA

These women are truly amazing.

We decided that every November we will have this outing and the counterparts cant say anything!

We laugh, cry, we laugh so hard that we cry. Sarcasim that we dont even take personal, bubble busting til we glare and then laugh at that. That was in just the first hour!

This trip also showed us that we can have wine with tacos!!! ccchhheeeeoowww!!!

2010....look out Temecula!!!

* You think we'll finally make it to Pechanga...or will we be all talk again?....just asking!

Love you Girls!!!

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Ahh, New Moon

This one has woken the 17 year old girl in me. Read that entry and you'll see why.
Sometimes when talking to Michael, I get terrets and yell "Team Edward!"

If you've seen the Burger King commercial, you'll know what I'm talking about.




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Thanksgiving

Aviles Style

Brother in Law Jaime and Sister in Law Lisa



Thanksgiving this year was great. My Brother in law and his wife hosted Thanksgiving dinner. My sister in law, a vegetarian by the way, cooked her first turkey.


Considering it was her first time cooking one, she did great, even cooking the bag with the liver and neck (you know the bag you're suppose to take OUT of the turkey before you start stuffing and cooking it?) Since she's a vegetarian she was NOT about to stick her hand inside any bird no matter the cause.


I told her, "Don't worry Sis, it gave the bird an extra KICK"

By the way...the turkey was YUMMY!

(Her homemade stuffin was my favorite, Isis' was Mary's Three Bean casserole...YUM)



December 2009

Our 4th Annual Christmas Party

This years Group Shot

What can I say about this party. No matter what has happened to us all year long; we always make sure that our annual party continues as planned.


This year the weather wasnt too nice, it rained alot, causing quite a bit of friends unable to make it. Highlight was our families were there and it was a great PARTY.

This year we had a visit from the Jolly man, himself and the kids had a ball.

What will next year bring us? Can't wait!!

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Annual Company Christmas Party



Do I really need to say anything about this?

The Bosses rented out the House of Blues and Quest Crew performed.

I had flashbacks of my Fly Girl auditions days (Damn that J-Lo)

One term: "I'm with the band!"

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Another young Hollywood leaves us too soon.

Brittany Murphy dies of cardiac arrest...at age 32!

All I can ask is, "Why?"

My favorite scene from Clueless..she gets hit in the head with a shoe and her crush tries to revive her and ask can she do that wormy thing with her arm while singing:

"Rolling with the homies"

Another one gone too soon.

Rest in Peace Brittany!



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Christmas Eve

Lazcano Style

The Cowboy Fans in the family luckily Michael doesn't
hold this against me.


Christmas Eve was nice we spent the first part of the evening at the Medinas..Girls we rule at Guesstures!!! Comadre Lupe's pozole was on point..YUM!

The second part if the evening we went to Brother Frankie's. He and Tiffany hosted us this year and we had a ball!!!

However, two brothers were missing so I know 2010 we'll all be together!


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Christmas Day

The Aviles Way

That's right, we have the yule tide log and Christmas music playing while we opened our gifts.

The winning gift this season was:

The Snuggie!!!

Michael and Mikey recieved matching Snuggies.

Michael blessed the family like a monk would (cuz he looked like a monk)

Mikey showed us how the Snuggie is nothing but a backwards robe

and the creator has made millions!

Bet he was drunk he came up with the idea...didnt even realize he had his robe on backwards.

American inventors...go figure!

Oh and they make it for DOGS!!! WTH!!?? There is only one dog out there that I am aware of whose Mama got him one *cough* *cough* MAX!!!

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A Phoenix rises from the Ashes and Soars

Though the kids lost their Grandmother New Years Day and have another one the 3000 miles
away. They found a Grandmother in Michael's Step Mother, Mary.

Mary, I want to thank you for helping making this Christmas memorable for the kids and having me realize how much we missed in the past years. I look forward to so much more celebrations with the Family.

The Family gift exchange was soo much fun...rule for 2010...NO DIGITAL FRAMES!!

I believe we counted four total. May not seem like alot to those of you reading, but when 18 people are playing...it is!

My highlight: I learned that my digital camera has a "smile" feature...yeah you read right..

S-M-I-L-E Feature.

What does this mean? Well it means that if i set that feature on, my camera will automatically take pictures of people smiling. Well....actually only people that have recognizable smiles..well...apparently Michael, Geli, Danielle nor myself...have a recognizable smile...so you know what...forget that feature, i'm not gonna use it.

Never mind....Next highlight!

Mikey's highlight was the boat cruise that Mary's brother, Izzy took us on.

Good times and lots of laughs!

Thanks Aviles and Silva Family


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Happy New Year!

One Way...

The Only Way...

The Aviles Way....

Theee Yankee Way!!!

Yeah, I know I said I wasn't gonna rub it in...but that's what New Years resolutions are for, right?

"I promise not to rub salt in an open wound..."

Now..until Midnight...

YANKEES TAKING NUMBER 28 IN 2010!!!
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These past 365 days I found a whole new level of strength I never realized I had.

This year was definitely a trying one for us, especially for myself. In a year I went from being just a mother, sister, daughter to thee matriarch of the family. This role is not easy.

Through Courage, I've grabbed the bull by the horns and ran with it.

I've not only had to continue to encourage my own family but also my brothers. I've had to show them that there are endless possibilities for them to succeed but they need to believe in themselves to obtain it as much as I do.

I learned that no matter how bad a relationship may be, ie.. friends, family, co-workers, nothing is ever broken only bent. You'd just have to have the faith that you can help straighten it out.

I also learned that though we loss the ones we loved this year...I'm comforted in knowing that we have extra Angels looking over us in every step of our journey until the time comes when we'll all be reunited.

My Reinas have showed me that no matter what happens to us in life, that the true Reinas stand by you with no judgements and ready to help lift you when we've fallen.

2010 will be the Year of the Reina Movement.

Remember Reinas, it all begins with us!!!

Pay it Forward!

My New Years wish for all of you:

"May you continue to fill your heart with love, faith, hope and compassion for one another and be ready to take on what ever challenges may come your way, because with THAT in your heart you'll be able to fight it and survive it!"

Besos y Abrazos!!

2010, your sister 2009 tried to break me, she didnt succeed. Whatever you have in store for me and mine...i'm ready for you...so in the words of all my Reinas,

"BRANG IT!!!!"