Like every other teenage girl out in the "Twilight" world, I and along with my family went to see New Moon this past weekend. My daughter had read some of the series and was trying to catch me up to the characters. She had read Twilight completely and was a bit disappointed that the movie didn't depict the movie in its entirety. (but..screenplays made from books rarely ever do....THATS way too much movie, so lots of cuts had to be made)
I remember watching Twilight when it was first released...reminded me so much a Romeo and Juliette. Two people from different worlds trying not to fall in love but happens anyway...a true love tragedy.
Before seeing New Moon, we rented Twilight again to remember the storyline. I didn't read the book (which I will be after seeing New Moon) if I had, everything would have remained more vivid in my memory. There is something about reading books that allows your imagination to form the pictures that the writer had described to you in black and white. I suppose this is why my daughter was not too happy with Twilight, after she read the book, she had a completely different image of Edward than that of Robert Pattinson and you see for me...now that I am reading the series, I see no other image but Robert Pattinson as Edward. Go figure.
Let me continue, so watching Twilight unlocked that 17 year old young girl in my soul. She had been asleep and seeing this love story unfold had awoken her. My heart began to flutter when Bella notices Edward watching her, or began to ache when he would shun her, then melt when he tells her, "Bella you are my world".
Being a writer I wanted to know more about its author, Stephanie Meyer and so i began to do research on her. I came across her website and there she tells the story about the conceptions of Edward and Bell and how they came to be....all from a dream. She goes on to speak of the leak of her 5th book of the series, Midnight Sun...Twilight through Edward's eyes. Very disappointed she was, violated she felt...she trusted someone with her work and they betrayed her...as odd as it may be...I under stand why she stopped writing the manuscript. I just hope she finishes it.
I started the skim through the manuscript and decided to read it. Ah...can I just tell you that my 17 year old self as fallen in love with this character. He speaks of his forbidden love for "her" and how challanging it is to love "her" when he knows his instinct told him to kill her. How he describes "her" sleeping when he sneaks into her room. When he first finds out that he will fall in love with "her"..through Alice of course...how upset he was...because how can a human love a vampire?
We think of our real lives when two people meet from different side of the tracks. How can a rich boy love the pauper girl. Or the street wise guy with no book smarts fall for a scholar. Happens alot and you never know the trial and tribulations that the relationship suffers unless you're in it. This book brings the reader in it.
I downloaded a version of "Bella's Lullaby", my daughter says it's not the one used in the movie; I began listening to it while i just so happen to be in the section in the book where Edward begins composing the piece. The two together (listening and reading) made the chapter come more alive and my heart began to skip a beat. The seventeen year old in me began to sway with her eyes closed...with each strike of the keys she felt the love more and more and began to dance as if no one was watching...but I was there to feel it all. That lullaby has become part of my meditation before i begin to write....such an amazing piece.
At this age...yes 40, we're expected to be this refined woman, a responsibile woman, a no non-sense woman, not be a giddy school girl or one that takes life on a whim. However, its this young seventeen year old girl that keeps me alive and there are very few occasions that she comes out to play. Reading this series will keep her more alive now than when she actually was all those years ago.
Ladies, never forget your seventeen year old selves, they need to be let out from time to time, to keep YOUR spark alive.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
A Love Note to My Past
A Love Note to My Past
Dear You,
I opened the book and see you looking back at me.
Looking at you has brought back so much memories
I remember us walking to the local parties
Thinking, “I can’t wait to see who will meet me”
Waking up late for school and running out the house.
Being upset, looking down, “Damn, I wore the wrong blouse.”
The Agua Net cans was purchased in cases
The breakers wore sweat suits and Adidas’with no shoe laces.
Back then, we fell hard for another’s mate.
Seeing them together, filled was with hate.
Now, all grown up we have our own
Hoping that Karma won’t claim a debt owed.
The Society of Secrecy, kept our bond tight.
Wishing that one wouldn’t slip due to a bad fight.
We held on to all that was shared and said.
Even the worst of them all, that has us cry ourselves to bed.
The anger with the parentals grew each day.
Wishing that our “real” family would come take us away.
The pain had stricken every part of our being
“You will be repaid in the end?” we were told.
We wanted to know, “what were they seeing?”
I wanted to embrace you close and tight.
Letting you know that all will be alright.
The harder I told you all would be okay
The further and further you slipped away
We wrote love letters from the depth of our heart
Even wrote the letter that ripped our soul apart.
I never thought we’d make that era out alive
But look at us now, ready to hit the world and thrive.
Love Always, Me
Thursday, October 29, 2009
We shall Weather the Storm
“No weapon formed against me shall prosper” Isaiah 54:17 We’ve all heard the saying, “when it rains it pours”. Well…right now this is what is happening to us. We are, what we feel is, in the eye of the storm. Remember when I told you all, I started the year the worse possible way…losing my mother, therefore things can only go up? Boy was I wrong…it just keeps getting worse.
I don’t need to go into details on what going on, just that it seems like im getting ripped in every direction and when I look in the mirror, I have no idea who is looking back at me.
I want to see that strong woman:
I don’t need to go into details on what going on, just that it seems like im getting ripped in every direction and when I look in the mirror, I have no idea who is looking back at me.
I want to see that strong woman:
The wife that stands by her husband in times of need and tells him,
“Papi, I stand by you no matter what.”
The friend that tells her friend
“Don’t worry Reina, we’ll get through it together”.
The sister that tells her brothers
“Theres nothing that we as a family cant handle”.
The mother that tells her children,
“Babies, dream big, the world is yours, all you have to do is go out and claim it”
Where is she? Have I lost her?
Its times like this that Im missing my mother more and more. Not that she could take the problems away, but she’d at least make her meatloaf and tell me, “Baby, its going to be okay”. Deep down I’d have a hard time believing that , but for that brief moment while eating,
Where is she? Have I lost her?
Its times like this that Im missing my mother more and more. Not that she could take the problems away, but she’d at least make her meatloaf and tell me, “Baby, its going to be okay”. Deep down I’d have a hard time believing that , but for that brief moment while eating,
I can believe.
The other day my daughter comes out of her room and finds me crying on the sofa. She asks, “Mommy you okay”. I couldn’t even lie to her and say everything was fine. I just told her things are lil rough, but not worry, I’ll work through them as I always have. She kisses me on the forehead, says she loves me and goes to bed.
Two minutes later I get a text from her,
The other day my daughter comes out of her room and finds me crying on the sofa. She asks, “Mommy you okay”. I couldn’t even lie to her and say everything was fine. I just told her things are lil rough, but not worry, I’ll work through them as I always have. She kisses me on the forehead, says she loves me and goes to bed.
Two minutes later I get a text from her,
“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle Mommy”
Isn’t she amazing?….only 17.
I sat there looking at the text and cried harder. I needed to remember that, He doesn’t give me more than I can handle, I just have to remember to stop, look up and ask for help.
I refuse to sit and act like a victim…because I’m not, nor will I ever be.
I’m writing this not for sympathy, but only because even the strongest of women have their moments and well…I’m having mine.
Its just so crazy how your life can change within seconds.
Readers, go through life eyes wide open; you could be blindsided and feel like you’re world is coming to an end if you don’t.
Isn’t she amazing?….only 17.
I sat there looking at the text and cried harder. I needed to remember that, He doesn’t give me more than I can handle, I just have to remember to stop, look up and ask for help.
I refuse to sit and act like a victim…because I’m not, nor will I ever be.
I’m writing this not for sympathy, but only because even the strongest of women have their moments and well…I’m having mine.
Its just so crazy how your life can change within seconds.
Readers, go through life eyes wide open; you could be blindsided and feel like you’re world is coming to an end if you don’t.
The Game of Life
The Game of Life
I thought I would be okay
If you and I decided to go
Our separate ways
The thought of us apart
Is a stingy pain to my heart
Life truly is like a baseball game:
Through the years we stood at the plate
We had a strong stance as life threw us
Every type of ball known to the game.
The pitcher is life, ready to throw at us
All that its got; in hopes of striking us out.
Our coach is God giving us the signals
Telling us what we should and should not swing at.
There are times we don’t listen
We get lucky and get a hit
We’re confident that we could do this
Without any coaching involved
Until life throws us an unexpected curve ball
We strike out standing.
God gave us the signals to be ready for anything
But our arrogance got the best of us and here we stand.
We’re reminded we’re a team
That you and I must bring this team to victory
With lack of communication and trust
We’re sure headed for a bust.
Maybe it has been too much to bare
We assumed we could handle it all
If one of us got more hits
We’d be able to survive another game.
We thought surviving on one of us playing
Was enough to make the win the same
Come to find out that that too would be too much for one;
Just to watch the bitterness grow until one of us is done
On the surface, like A-Rod and Jeter,
we’re every ones favorite
Below what they don’t see is all the resentment
Just when we thought we could breath with a lead
Life yet again, throws a curve ball that could only mean defeat.
I close my eyes to remember all that’s good:
The hits, the walks and the homeruns
The tears begin to fall like I thought they never could
My heart beats faster and the pain begins to set in
“When did it all go wrong?” is what I begin to think.
I must admit, I have contributed to this as well.
Had I been a better teammate and listen to what was said
Instead of hearing the rambling that was translated
in my head
Maybe, just maybe instead of taking those balls as a walk,
we could’ve hit the curve balls out the park.
I thought I would be okay
If you and I decided to go
Our separate ways
The thought of us apart
Is a stingy pain to my heart
Life truly is like a baseball game:
Through the years we stood at the plate
We had a strong stance as life threw us
Every type of ball known to the game.
The pitcher is life, ready to throw at us
All that its got; in hopes of striking us out.
Our coach is God giving us the signals
Telling us what we should and should not swing at.
There are times we don’t listen
We get lucky and get a hit
We’re confident that we could do this
Without any coaching involved
Until life throws us an unexpected curve ball
We strike out standing.
God gave us the signals to be ready for anything
But our arrogance got the best of us and here we stand.
We’re reminded we’re a team
That you and I must bring this team to victory
With lack of communication and trust
We’re sure headed for a bust.
Maybe it has been too much to bare
We assumed we could handle it all
If one of us got more hits
We’d be able to survive another game.
We thought surviving on one of us playing
Was enough to make the win the same
Come to find out that that too would be too much for one;
Just to watch the bitterness grow until one of us is done
On the surface, like A-Rod and Jeter,
we’re every ones favorite
Below what they don’t see is all the resentment
Just when we thought we could breath with a lead
Life yet again, throws a curve ball that could only mean defeat.
I close my eyes to remember all that’s good:
The hits, the walks and the homeruns
The tears begin to fall like I thought they never could
My heart beats faster and the pain begins to set in
“When did it all go wrong?” is what I begin to think.
I must admit, I have contributed to this as well.
Had I been a better teammate and listen to what was said
Instead of hearing the rambling that was translated
in my head
Maybe, just maybe instead of taking those balls as a walk,
we could’ve hit the curve balls out the park.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
My Brothers, My Sons
"There is a little boy inside the man who is my brother. Oh, how I hated that little boy and Oh, how I love him too." -Anna Quindlan
My Brothers, My Sons
We came from the womb of a Queen.
I was five when the first of you arrived
She handed you to me and said “This is your gift’
I held you tight with all my might
I knew I always wanted to take care of you.
I was away when the second one arrived
I ran home and couldn’t wait to see you
She handed you to me and said “He will care for you”
I looked at you with such amazement
And knew I was blessed to have you too.
I was angry when the third one came
Everyone told me I’d no longer be the only Princess
That God was going to give the family another
I couldn’t look at our Queen; as she carried you
You were going to replace me and I was upset
The day you came..you were another prince.
She handed you to me and said “ You didn’t like him., but you’ll love him”
I looked down at you and forgave myself for not
Wanting you.
The twist and turns that life had given our family
Had fate take over and turned a cousin into a brother.
The love that family has will never break the bonds
That we all have begun to share.
I was an adult when the fourth was announced.
This time I was okay if I had to share the throne.
However, again fate had a different plan for she would be a he.
She handed you to me and said, “He will complete you all”
I looked down at you and my heart open up more.
I knew I would love you just as much as the ones before.
I watch you all grow from infants to men
I was there to protect you from punishments
But the first to scold you when you all behaved wrong.
God had given you all to me as my brothers.
Who would love me, defend me, care for me, fight with me,
Argue with me, be scared of me, confide in me and cry with me.
Yes, you’re my Brothers but my Heart says…You’re my Sons!!
* I wrote this thinking of all my brothers and the challenges I face being the new head of the Family...the Martriarch if you will. Brothers, I love you...you are my brothers; my sons!!!
Always remember:
"I (You) can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (you)" (Philippians 4:13)
Thursday, October 22, 2009
EULOGY
*Below is the eulogy I hope to read at my Father in law's memorial service.
I knew I wanted to write about Jaime's final days but I didn't think of turning it into a eulogy until I was at the book store on Saturday. Mitch Alboum , an author Jaime once recommended, wrote a new book 'have a little faith' I was thinking of Jaime when I picked it up..I turned the book around to read what it was about and the first thing I read was....
'In the beginning, there was a question 'will you write my eulogy?" ...I thought I was being asked a favor..Actually I was being given one...."
At that moment I felt as if Jaime was asking me the question, so what was once going be a countdown to his final days has turned into an accounting of how he lived!
When I started writing this I had stopped for a moment; I didn’t know how to begin. So, I turned to Jaime for guidance, 'Pop, help me write your eulogy' I asked, then the strangest thing happened; my blkberry started to vibrate, I looked at it and my facebook notification had appeared; when I opened it, it said 'James Aviles accepted u as a friend'
"James Aviles accepted u as a friend", I repeated to myself. I smiled, looked up and said thank you.
I needed to be reminded that I am writing this not from a daughter in laws perspective but that of a friend.
So I began:
Today we’re here not to mourn Jaime's death, but to celebrate this man’s life. He is survived as u all may know by his three children, Michael, James and Joy, his grandchildren Mikey, Kaila, Kylie and a stepgranddaughter, Isis.
This man LIVED, he loved life and wanted to share it with anyone that came across his path. Anything new, if he was intrigued with it, he wanted to be part of it.....
I remember when I first met Michael, I had just ended a bad relationship n my view of men was 'that they lacked a chromosome called 'ability to tell the truth' ' so when Michael talked about his father once being a teacher, post office worker, dhl delivery guy, owned a liquor store and was an FBI agent...I thought to myself "everything seems somewhat believable..but an FBI agent, hardly! Guys would lie about anything to get another date." I thought Michael was cute so I continued to date him and figured I’d let the lie about his dad and his imaginary jobs slide...it wasn't until a year later...I would stand to be corrected. I took my first family trip with the Aviles' and was about to meet the Matriarch and Patriarch of the Family, Carmen n Jaime. Being the family historian myself I was taken in by all the family pictures that Carmen had all over the house and then I saw 'IT'..a picture that the FBI takes of their agents; it documents their name, agent I.D. number and division they worked..I read it..Name: Aviles, Jaime..ID Number: Don’t remember it Division: Undercover...I was thrown back...he REALLY was an employee of the FBI..I turned to Michael..'Your dad was really an FBI agent?” He turned to me 'I told u that when we started dating. 'Yeah I know but I didn't think u were serious.' 'Why would I lie about something like that? he answered...I keep quiet..and since that day, I never questioned anything Michael ever told me.
That was an amazing trip; it set the standard for all trips to follow and I thank them for that.
Later Jaime would add on, mentor, friend, confidant to his list of duties... truly becoming the epitome of the term 'a jack of all trades' and that was just year one with this family.
Through the years, I was able to see him interact with various people from different walks of life; he never once treated them any different from one another and they loved him for that. There are a lot of you here that feel in debted to him, trust me when I tell u..he knew this and was pleased to know that he help shape your life in one way or another.
As his health continued to get the best of him I needed the answers to two questions I wanted to ask before it was too late. We went to see him in the hospital..he was still coherent enough to have a conversation. He held my hand and thanked me for coming...I told him "no need to thank me.. 10 years ago you became my dad, too when I became part of this family..so of course I'd be here", he smiled and began to tear up (if u knew our history u would understand why) so I proceeded to ask my questions:
Pop, if there is one thing to could tell your grandchildren, what would it be?...he paused for a moment and started to answer.."My grandchildren? They're beautiful aren't they...?" Yes they are..." "I would want my grandchildren to know how amazing their great grandparents are and if they could; they would give them the world..will u tell them that?" Yes, Pop..I make sure to tell them"
Final question, If you could tell your children one thing, what would it be, "my children?...well tell Jaime Jr..I named him Jaime not James...tell them I love them very much and that I will always take care of them even when they think I'm long gone...will you tell them that?" Yes, Pop, I'll tell them. "
My vision of heaven consist of history's music greats joining in for one huge jam session and everyone dancing like no one is watching:
I lost my mother New Years day this year..its been a rough year for us..but it brings me comfort to know that My Mom, is showing Pop how to dance a good cumbia and Pop in turn is showing her what a smooth merengue move looks like.. And judging the two; none other than Abuelo Ismael himself, though u would think he'd be a bit biased to the merengue don't under estimate my Mami...she had some amazing legs, especially when she danced.
You know, Forgiveness is a funny thing; some people think it’s to give requestor peace, when in actuality it’s more for the person giving it. When u truly are able to forgive with your whole heart; it’s only then that you open yourself to all the fruits that God has to offer. It is because of this, that I was able to open my heart and let the words flow as God had intended them to be. For that I am truly grateful.
In closing; there are few things I want to share that I will miss about Pop:
His mouth watering Pernil (no one can compare)
His coquito (ernest we thank God you were able to get the recipe, before it was forever lost)
His love of cologne (well…his technique for applying it that is; we always knew how to track his steps or where he’s been by the scent)
His driving (Michael could always tell if it was his father driving by the drivers swerving back in forth in the lanes)
His love of reading (it was Pop that turned me on to my favorite author; one I hope to work with one day, thank u Pop)
His stressing higher education (he would always say, keep your mind working, read, take a class, you're never too old to go back to school)
And Finally, his unique way of leaving a voicemail for his son: Hello Michael this is your father speaking (it was always as if he thought we never recognized his voice when he'd call to speak to him)
He will be forever missed but never forgotten.
Jaime Aviles
Gone but never Forgotten
I knew I wanted to write about Jaime's final days but I didn't think of turning it into a eulogy until I was at the book store on Saturday. Mitch Alboum , an author Jaime once recommended, wrote a new book 'have a little faith' I was thinking of Jaime when I picked it up..I turned the book around to read what it was about and the first thing I read was....
'In the beginning, there was a question 'will you write my eulogy?" ...I thought I was being asked a favor..Actually I was being given one...."
At that moment I felt as if Jaime was asking me the question, so what was once going be a countdown to his final days has turned into an accounting of how he lived!
When I started writing this I had stopped for a moment; I didn’t know how to begin. So, I turned to Jaime for guidance, 'Pop, help me write your eulogy' I asked, then the strangest thing happened; my blkberry started to vibrate, I looked at it and my facebook notification had appeared; when I opened it, it said 'James Aviles accepted u as a friend'
"James Aviles accepted u as a friend", I repeated to myself. I smiled, looked up and said thank you.
I needed to be reminded that I am writing this not from a daughter in laws perspective but that of a friend.
So I began:
Today we’re here not to mourn Jaime's death, but to celebrate this man’s life. He is survived as u all may know by his three children, Michael, James and Joy, his grandchildren Mikey, Kaila, Kylie and a stepgranddaughter, Isis.
This man LIVED, he loved life and wanted to share it with anyone that came across his path. Anything new, if he was intrigued with it, he wanted to be part of it.....
I remember when I first met Michael, I had just ended a bad relationship n my view of men was 'that they lacked a chromosome called 'ability to tell the truth' ' so when Michael talked about his father once being a teacher, post office worker, dhl delivery guy, owned a liquor store and was an FBI agent...I thought to myself "everything seems somewhat believable..but an FBI agent, hardly! Guys would lie about anything to get another date." I thought Michael was cute so I continued to date him and figured I’d let the lie about his dad and his imaginary jobs slide...it wasn't until a year later...I would stand to be corrected. I took my first family trip with the Aviles' and was about to meet the Matriarch and Patriarch of the Family, Carmen n Jaime. Being the family historian myself I was taken in by all the family pictures that Carmen had all over the house and then I saw 'IT'..a picture that the FBI takes of their agents; it documents their name, agent I.D. number and division they worked..I read it..Name: Aviles, Jaime..ID Number: Don’t remember it Division: Undercover...I was thrown back...he REALLY was an employee of the FBI..I turned to Michael..'Your dad was really an FBI agent?” He turned to me 'I told u that when we started dating. 'Yeah I know but I didn't think u were serious.' 'Why would I lie about something like that? he answered...I keep quiet..and since that day, I never questioned anything Michael ever told me.
That was an amazing trip; it set the standard for all trips to follow and I thank them for that.
Later Jaime would add on, mentor, friend, confidant to his list of duties... truly becoming the epitome of the term 'a jack of all trades' and that was just year one with this family.
Through the years, I was able to see him interact with various people from different walks of life; he never once treated them any different from one another and they loved him for that. There are a lot of you here that feel in debted to him, trust me when I tell u..he knew this and was pleased to know that he help shape your life in one way or another.
As his health continued to get the best of him I needed the answers to two questions I wanted to ask before it was too late. We went to see him in the hospital..he was still coherent enough to have a conversation. He held my hand and thanked me for coming...I told him "no need to thank me.. 10 years ago you became my dad, too when I became part of this family..so of course I'd be here", he smiled and began to tear up (if u knew our history u would understand why) so I proceeded to ask my questions:
Pop, if there is one thing to could tell your grandchildren, what would it be?...he paused for a moment and started to answer.."My grandchildren? They're beautiful aren't they...?" Yes they are..." "I would want my grandchildren to know how amazing their great grandparents are and if they could; they would give them the world..will u tell them that?" Yes, Pop..I make sure to tell them"
Final question, If you could tell your children one thing, what would it be, "my children?...well tell Jaime Jr..I named him Jaime not James...tell them I love them very much and that I will always take care of them even when they think I'm long gone...will you tell them that?" Yes, Pop, I'll tell them. "
My vision of heaven consist of history's music greats joining in for one huge jam session and everyone dancing like no one is watching:
I lost my mother New Years day this year..its been a rough year for us..but it brings me comfort to know that My Mom, is showing Pop how to dance a good cumbia and Pop in turn is showing her what a smooth merengue move looks like.. And judging the two; none other than Abuelo Ismael himself, though u would think he'd be a bit biased to the merengue don't under estimate my Mami...she had some amazing legs, especially when she danced.
You know, Forgiveness is a funny thing; some people think it’s to give requestor peace, when in actuality it’s more for the person giving it. When u truly are able to forgive with your whole heart; it’s only then that you open yourself to all the fruits that God has to offer. It is because of this, that I was able to open my heart and let the words flow as God had intended them to be. For that I am truly grateful.
In closing; there are few things I want to share that I will miss about Pop:
His mouth watering Pernil (no one can compare)
His coquito (ernest we thank God you were able to get the recipe, before it was forever lost)
His love of cologne (well…his technique for applying it that is; we always knew how to track his steps or where he’s been by the scent)
His driving (Michael could always tell if it was his father driving by the drivers swerving back in forth in the lanes)
His love of reading (it was Pop that turned me on to my favorite author; one I hope to work with one day, thank u Pop)
His stressing higher education (he would always say, keep your mind working, read, take a class, you're never too old to go back to school)
And Finally, his unique way of leaving a voicemail for his son: Hello Michael this is your father speaking (it was always as if he thought we never recognized his voice when he'd call to speak to him)
He will be forever missed but never forgotten
Monday, September 28, 2009
MJ saves a Country Boy
I know this entry is long over due. I should have entered this on June 25, 2009. When the world heard the news:
On June 25, 2009 at 2:26pm the King of Pop has died.
It was definitley a sad day in music around the world. His music will live on forever and in our hearts.
I did write this the day after his death when I was telling my children how Michael Jackson has influence the way music videos are done now. If it weren't for Michael, there would be no dancing, he had taken music video to levels that no musician had ever dared to go.
How he affected the lives of many people; some known and some that no one ever notices.
I went on to tell them the story of a transfer student when I was in high school.
Its been over 20 years and I can still remember when the transfer kid came to our school. He was this blond hair, blue eyed Iowa boy who was very shy, quiet and kept to himself. He was definitely the type of kid that would be a target for the school bullies. His attire was that of a straight up country boy; plaid shirt, denim jeans and work boots. We could all picture him working the fields on a farm, chasing pigs, milking cows and stacking hay. He even spoke with a country "twang" and used "Ya'll" alot. He walked around is new environment as if he'd just stepped out onto another planet. From the eyes of a country boy and seeing a beach city school like ours for the first time, i could understand why. Our school was like a scene from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High". But that all changed when Michael Jackson gave him confidence to walk around school with his held up high. It was the day he showed up to school with his red leather zippered out jacket, you know the one...the one from "Beat It". Not very much kids had the jacket and I can recall when the toughest break dancin' crew on campus went up to him, everyone thought, 'this poor kid is about to get thrown in a trash can', but instead, one of the breakers extended his to him and said, 'Great jacket man". Michael changed this kid's life in way he'd never know, had it not been for that jacket that poor Iowa boy probably would have had a horrible time in our typical Southern California high school.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
You Jumped Too Far!
Years ago there was a Lifetime-ish type of movie I saw. Something about it, after all these years, always has me reference back to it when I talk to my friends or family. I'm going to try to remember as much as I can and what I can't...I'll make up along the way.
It was about a couple whose 20 year wedding anniversay was coming up. The wife was elated and couldn't believe that 20 years had already gone by.
However, she started to notice her husband wasn't being his normal self; he had been very distant and didnt talk much after work. She would notice that he would disappear after receiving phone calls and was very short when asked where he was going. This of course had her very curious; he's never been secretive about his actions.
One day she decides to follow him to see where he'd disappeared to. Trying to play her best spy role, she tries to stay few cars behind him so he wouldn't notice her. She sees him pull up to their frequented restaurant (she smiles, it was there that he had asked her to marry him a lil over 20 years ago), he valets the car and then a stunning brunette greets him at the door and she sees him; kisses her on the cheek and they proceed inside the restaurant. The wife stunned leaves the area and heads home. She believe there is a logical explanation; maybe a client? She decides to wait til her husband comes home as ask him.
About two hours later she hears the door open and she puts on a front as if she had been in the kitchen. "Honey, you're home?" she says acting surprised.
He doesnt make much eye contact, "Uh yeah...I'm beat" he says.
"Oh , I wondered what happened, the phone rang and then you left without saying anything, who was it, everything okay?" She asked trying to make eye contact with him.
"Oh yeah, that, it was Phil from the office, he had a question about a proposal that is due on Monday. So instead of going through it on the phone with him, I went into the office, everythings fine." He said while he was flipping through the mail.
She couldnt believe he just straight out lied to her. She was so shocked at the thought of her husband lying to her.
A few days go by and she gets a call from her husband letting her know that he'll be home late from work and if she could keep his dinner warm.
She decides to follow him again, She drives to his office and waits for him to leave the building. Looking at her watch; she sees her husband's car leave the garage and proceeds to follow him, this time she was more stunned than the first time. He drives to one of the most elite hotels in the city and waiting for him out front was the same woman from the restaurant.
Distraught, the wife decides to get off the car and confront the husband and the mysterious woman. She walks in the lobby looks around and sees them at the front desk and sees the clerk hand them what looks like a key and point to the elevator. The wife just froze she couldnt move. All she kep thinking was "Our 20 year wedding anniversay is this weekend and he decides to start an affair...now.... after 20 years!!"
She heads back to her home contemplating how to handle the situation. Her emotions start to overcome her and the only that came to her mind was.. revenge. That's how she'll handle this...she remembers a saying ..."revenge is best served cold". So, cold it shall be served...he wont know what hit him.
The day of her anniversary, still upset, she decides to go have "me time" and re-evaluate her 20 year old marriage. She stops at a local pub and decides to go in have a drink. She orders her drink and starts the re-evaluation..."How did we get here?" she tells herself. " I thought we were happy, yeah, we had some rough times along the way, but i thought we made it through them fine..why would he do this?" She looks at her reflection in the mirror behind the bar and sees her 45 year old self looking back and she reminds herself of the mysterious woman her husband is having the affair with. She was very beautiful. Late 20's early 30's, brunette with long waving hair, an amazing figure...(probably doesnt have any kids with a body like that)...as she is getting herself all worked up with anger again, a gentleman, very distinguished with a British accent approaches her at the bar.
"Hello, may I buy you a drink" he asks with that Remington Steele accent of his.
She gives a coy smile and accepts. The cold dish has arrived.
An hour of talking had passed and they leave together; she ends up having sex with him and regrets it immediately. She grabs her items and runs out the room.
She gets to her car and begins to break down..."What have I done!?" she yells to herself.
She gets home and wants to change right away, but as soon as she opens the door, she is startled by her husband who is there, waiting.
"Where have you been? I've been here waiting for you. Did you forget we had reservations at the restaurant?" he asks sounding annoyed.
Then she remembered he made reservations for their anniversary at an exclusive restaurant that has a year long waiting list.
On their previous anniversary she told him how she would love to eat at that restaurant one day. She remembers how excited she was when he told her that he was taking her there for their 20th wedding anniversary. Wow! how the dynamics of a relationship can change.
She decides to pretend for the night and then she'll talk to him about a divorce tomorrow.
She tries to go upstairs to change and then he stops her, "Where are you going?" he says sounding irritated.
In a calm voice, she replies, "Upstairs to change" she looks down at herself and looks at what she is wearing, "I feel under dressed for that place" but the real reason was she still had the smell of her mistake on her and wanted to wash it off immediatley.
"There's no time, you look fine" he says, "We've been on this list for a year and if we're late they're going to give our table away, grab your stuff" he sounding more annoyed with every word.
She gives up and gets in the car; she doesn't say much on the way to the restaurant. On route to it they pass the restaurant where she first sees her husband and the mysterious woman and she gets queezy.
Then her husband breaks the silence. "Damn!" he yells.
"What?" she questions.
He replies, "I forgot i needed to see a client to give him the projections for his company, i was caught up waiting for you, that i completely forgot and he has an early AM flight. Damn!"
Not really in the mood to have this anniversary dinner, she tells him, "You have the projections with you?"
He nods and points to the back seat. She looks back and sees the envelope.
"Well, looks like we still have some time, is it on our way?" she asks.
Again he nods and says "Yeah, he staying at the Grand Marquis, do you mind?"
Her stomach is beginning to get real upset when she hears "The Grand Marquis"...that was the hotel she followed her husband and his mistress to. She wanted to say "Hell no"..but she wasnt ready to say anything to him just yet, so she agrees.
They park in the garage, she tells her husband she'll wait in the car.
He looks at her puzzled, "Dont be silly, first of all, its hot down here and secondly, I dont know what room he is in so it may take a while, come on". He grabs the projections and goes to her side of the car to open the door for her.
Feeling against her will; she gets out of the car and follows him to the hotel.
They arrive in the lobby and she looks around the hotel, this is a truly magnificant hotel. In the lobby is a huge opera like chandelier, crimson red carpet, chaise lounges positioned strategically throughout the lobby; you feel like royalty when you step through the doors. Although, thats not how she felt the first time she entered through those doors.
She and her husband walk up the counter, he asks, "Yes, Im here to see Mr. Walker. He's expecting me."
The young lady smiles at both of them, and replies, "Yes Sir, he called down and informed us of your arrival, please take the elevator on the left to the 2nd floor, once the doors open; his suite is directly in front; the one with double doors."
He smiles back and says "Thank you".
She and her husband do as the clerk instruct. As they are in the elevator she feels as if she wants to throw up, visons of her husband making love to this woman is driving her crazy. The elevator doors open and as the young clerk stated the suite with the double doors were in front.
Her husband knocks on the door and they hear a faint, "Come in". He opens the door and its extremely dark and then all of a sudden all the lights flash on and a loud "Surprise!" roars through the room.
She looks around the room and its a ball room that is decorated for a celebration, on one of the walls there is a sign that says, "Happy 20th Wedding Anniversary". She looks into the crowd and sees all her family members, his co-workers, and then she sees HER.
"Hello, its so nice to finally meet you." Sheila extends her hand to her and she is introduced.
Sheila goes on to tell her, "Your husband wanted everything to be perfect for you, he even had the restaurant, that he proposed to you at, cater the event. Let me tell you that was a feat in itself. When i called to request that they cater, the owner said they do not cater any events. I had to call your husband and have him meet me there and explain to the owner how important this was. You truly have a devoted husband."
She feels her walls coming crashing in and in a low voice to her husband she, says, "you should have told me."
Her husband smiling, says, "what? tell you? I wanted it to be a surprise".
She looks into the crowd and sees her best friends, and she tells them "you should have told me"
One of them answers, "don't look at us, we were just as surprised as you when we were told to meet at this address"
Her husband interjects and says, "are you kiddin? if i told any of them it wouldnt have been a surprise. You're surprised! I could see it" smiling, knowing that he just conquered what seemed impossible to do.
He then shouts into the crowd, "You see everyone I told you she'd be surprised, this has to the first time in 20 years that she is speechless, i did real good!!"
Everyone cheered him on and she is trying to stop him from his excitement.
"Stop...please stop.. you should have told me," she continues in a low voice so no one can hear her.
"What are you talking about?" he says.
Then she proceeds to tell him what she percieved.
"I..I ..thought...you were distant, not saying much, when i asked questions you were short" she begins to explain.
" well, yeah...it was all part of the surprise, i had to keep it from you; just didn't think i did that great of a job." he says has he hugs her tighter.
"Then I...followed you to the restaurant...i saw Sheila..but didnt think a whole lot about it...but then i followed you again and I saw you meet her in the lobby.. here, at this hotel...and .." She's feeling so overwhelmed as the words are leaving her mouth; she slowly tries to loosen his clasp.
Her husband now goes from a look of excitement to one of being concerned.
"Go on..." he says as he pulls away from the embrace.
"And...i thought...i thought you were having an affair...you should have told me!" She cries.
The husband with a look of disgust says, "what did you do?"
She kept saying, "you should have told me!"
The husband then grabs her by both arms, and begins to shout, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!!!!"
"I cheated on you today" she cries.
He lets her go and she drops to her knees.
He starts to walk away from her but before he leaves, he turns back to her and says,
"For 20 twenty years I have done nothing but try to make you happy. I have given you everything your hearts content. I thought we were happy. Every morning i would wake up and thank God that He made YOU for ME. This morning I especially thanked Him, that He had blessed us to make it to 20 years and that I was more in love with you today than when i proposed to you at that restaurant 20 years ago; something i didnt think would be possible. You were my best friend, I thought you wanted to grow old with me. I thought we would retire in Venice; like we always talked about. I never decieved you. All you had to do was come talk to me. All you had to do was tell me what was going through your mind. I would have told you about the surprise; i would rather you know about the party than you thinking I betrayed you. For 20 years i gave you my all, why would you automatically believe that I would do something so reprehensible as cheat on you?"
Then he dropped the envelope,that had what she though was the projections, on her lap. She opened it and saw that it was a deed to a villa in Venice in both their names with a note that said,
"20 years and still going strong...ready to retire with me in Venice? Happy Anniversary, I love you"
****I hope this reminds alot of you to ask questions before assuming the worse. You'll be able to save yourself a lot of heartache if you know exactly what you need answered before you've jumped too far!
It was about a couple whose 20 year wedding anniversay was coming up. The wife was elated and couldn't believe that 20 years had already gone by.
However, she started to notice her husband wasn't being his normal self; he had been very distant and didnt talk much after work. She would notice that he would disappear after receiving phone calls and was very short when asked where he was going. This of course had her very curious; he's never been secretive about his actions.
One day she decides to follow him to see where he'd disappeared to. Trying to play her best spy role, she tries to stay few cars behind him so he wouldn't notice her. She sees him pull up to their frequented restaurant (she smiles, it was there that he had asked her to marry him a lil over 20 years ago), he valets the car and then a stunning brunette greets him at the door and she sees him; kisses her on the cheek and they proceed inside the restaurant. The wife stunned leaves the area and heads home. She believe there is a logical explanation; maybe a client? She decides to wait til her husband comes home as ask him.
About two hours later she hears the door open and she puts on a front as if she had been in the kitchen. "Honey, you're home?" she says acting surprised.
He doesnt make much eye contact, "Uh yeah...I'm beat" he says.
"Oh , I wondered what happened, the phone rang and then you left without saying anything, who was it, everything okay?" She asked trying to make eye contact with him.
"Oh yeah, that, it was Phil from the office, he had a question about a proposal that is due on Monday. So instead of going through it on the phone with him, I went into the office, everythings fine." He said while he was flipping through the mail.
She couldnt believe he just straight out lied to her. She was so shocked at the thought of her husband lying to her.
A few days go by and she gets a call from her husband letting her know that he'll be home late from work and if she could keep his dinner warm.
She decides to follow him again, She drives to his office and waits for him to leave the building. Looking at her watch; she sees her husband's car leave the garage and proceeds to follow him, this time she was more stunned than the first time. He drives to one of the most elite hotels in the city and waiting for him out front was the same woman from the restaurant.
Distraught, the wife decides to get off the car and confront the husband and the mysterious woman. She walks in the lobby looks around and sees them at the front desk and sees the clerk hand them what looks like a key and point to the elevator. The wife just froze she couldnt move. All she kep thinking was "Our 20 year wedding anniversay is this weekend and he decides to start an affair...now.... after 20 years!!"
She heads back to her home contemplating how to handle the situation. Her emotions start to overcome her and the only that came to her mind was.. revenge. That's how she'll handle this...she remembers a saying ..."revenge is best served cold". So, cold it shall be served...he wont know what hit him.
The day of her anniversary, still upset, she decides to go have "me time" and re-evaluate her 20 year old marriage. She stops at a local pub and decides to go in have a drink. She orders her drink and starts the re-evaluation..."How did we get here?" she tells herself. " I thought we were happy, yeah, we had some rough times along the way, but i thought we made it through them fine..why would he do this?" She looks at her reflection in the mirror behind the bar and sees her 45 year old self looking back and she reminds herself of the mysterious woman her husband is having the affair with. She was very beautiful. Late 20's early 30's, brunette with long waving hair, an amazing figure...(probably doesnt have any kids with a body like that)...as she is getting herself all worked up with anger again, a gentleman, very distinguished with a British accent approaches her at the bar.
"Hello, may I buy you a drink" he asks with that Remington Steele accent of his.
She gives a coy smile and accepts. The cold dish has arrived.
An hour of talking had passed and they leave together; she ends up having sex with him and regrets it immediately. She grabs her items and runs out the room.
She gets to her car and begins to break down..."What have I done!?" she yells to herself.
She gets home and wants to change right away, but as soon as she opens the door, she is startled by her husband who is there, waiting.
"Where have you been? I've been here waiting for you. Did you forget we had reservations at the restaurant?" he asks sounding annoyed.
Then she remembered he made reservations for their anniversary at an exclusive restaurant that has a year long waiting list.
On their previous anniversary she told him how she would love to eat at that restaurant one day. She remembers how excited she was when he told her that he was taking her there for their 20th wedding anniversary. Wow! how the dynamics of a relationship can change.
She decides to pretend for the night and then she'll talk to him about a divorce tomorrow.
She tries to go upstairs to change and then he stops her, "Where are you going?" he says sounding irritated.
In a calm voice, she replies, "Upstairs to change" she looks down at herself and looks at what she is wearing, "I feel under dressed for that place" but the real reason was she still had the smell of her mistake on her and wanted to wash it off immediatley.
"There's no time, you look fine" he says, "We've been on this list for a year and if we're late they're going to give our table away, grab your stuff" he sounding more annoyed with every word.
She gives up and gets in the car; she doesn't say much on the way to the restaurant. On route to it they pass the restaurant where she first sees her husband and the mysterious woman and she gets queezy.
Then her husband breaks the silence. "Damn!" he yells.
"What?" she questions.
He replies, "I forgot i needed to see a client to give him the projections for his company, i was caught up waiting for you, that i completely forgot and he has an early AM flight. Damn!"
Not really in the mood to have this anniversary dinner, she tells him, "You have the projections with you?"
He nods and points to the back seat. She looks back and sees the envelope.
"Well, looks like we still have some time, is it on our way?" she asks.
Again he nods and says "Yeah, he staying at the Grand Marquis, do you mind?"
Her stomach is beginning to get real upset when she hears "The Grand Marquis"...that was the hotel she followed her husband and his mistress to. She wanted to say "Hell no"..but she wasnt ready to say anything to him just yet, so she agrees.
They park in the garage, she tells her husband she'll wait in the car.
He looks at her puzzled, "Dont be silly, first of all, its hot down here and secondly, I dont know what room he is in so it may take a while, come on". He grabs the projections and goes to her side of the car to open the door for her.
Feeling against her will; she gets out of the car and follows him to the hotel.
They arrive in the lobby and she looks around the hotel, this is a truly magnificant hotel. In the lobby is a huge opera like chandelier, crimson red carpet, chaise lounges positioned strategically throughout the lobby; you feel like royalty when you step through the doors. Although, thats not how she felt the first time she entered through those doors.
She and her husband walk up the counter, he asks, "Yes, Im here to see Mr. Walker. He's expecting me."
The young lady smiles at both of them, and replies, "Yes Sir, he called down and informed us of your arrival, please take the elevator on the left to the 2nd floor, once the doors open; his suite is directly in front; the one with double doors."
He smiles back and says "Thank you".
She and her husband do as the clerk instruct. As they are in the elevator she feels as if she wants to throw up, visons of her husband making love to this woman is driving her crazy. The elevator doors open and as the young clerk stated the suite with the double doors were in front.
Her husband knocks on the door and they hear a faint, "Come in". He opens the door and its extremely dark and then all of a sudden all the lights flash on and a loud "Surprise!" roars through the room.
She looks around the room and its a ball room that is decorated for a celebration, on one of the walls there is a sign that says, "Happy 20th Wedding Anniversary". She looks into the crowd and sees all her family members, his co-workers, and then she sees HER.
The husband gives her a kiss and hug. keeping her in his embrace.
He looks down at her overjoyed he asks, "Honey, are you surprised? You have no idea how hard it was to keep this from you. Let me introduce to the coordinator, she did an amazing job..." He looks towards the myterious woman, " Sheila," He motions for her to come over.
"Hello, its so nice to finally meet you." Sheila extends her hand to her and she is introduced.
Sheila goes on to tell her, "Your husband wanted everything to be perfect for you, he even had the restaurant, that he proposed to you at, cater the event. Let me tell you that was a feat in itself. When i called to request that they cater, the owner said they do not cater any events. I had to call your husband and have him meet me there and explain to the owner how important this was. You truly have a devoted husband."
She feels her walls coming crashing in and in a low voice to her husband she, says, "you should have told me."
Her husband smiling, says, "what? tell you? I wanted it to be a surprise".
She looks into the crowd and sees her best friends, and she tells them "you should have told me"
One of them answers, "don't look at us, we were just as surprised as you when we were told to meet at this address"
Her husband interjects and says, "are you kiddin? if i told any of them it wouldnt have been a surprise. You're surprised! I could see it" smiling, knowing that he just conquered what seemed impossible to do.
He then shouts into the crowd, "You see everyone I told you she'd be surprised, this has to the first time in 20 years that she is speechless, i did real good!!"
Everyone cheered him on and she is trying to stop him from his excitement.
"Stop...please stop.. you should have told me," she continues in a low voice so no one can hear her.
"What are you talking about?" he says.
Then she proceeds to tell him what she percieved.
"I..I ..thought...you were distant, not saying much, when i asked questions you were short" she begins to explain.
" well, yeah...it was all part of the surprise, i had to keep it from you; just didn't think i did that great of a job." he says has he hugs her tighter.
"Then I...followed you to the restaurant...i saw Sheila..but didnt think a whole lot about it...but then i followed you again and I saw you meet her in the lobby.. here, at this hotel...and .." She's feeling so overwhelmed as the words are leaving her mouth; she slowly tries to loosen his clasp.
Her husband now goes from a look of excitement to one of being concerned.
"Go on..." he says as he pulls away from the embrace.
"And...i thought...i thought you were having an affair...you should have told me!" She cries.
The husband with a look of disgust says, "what did you do?"
She kept saying, "you should have told me!"
The husband then grabs her by both arms, and begins to shout, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!!!!"
"I cheated on you today" she cries.
He lets her go and she drops to her knees.
He starts to walk away from her but before he leaves, he turns back to her and says,
"For 20 twenty years I have done nothing but try to make you happy. I have given you everything your hearts content. I thought we were happy. Every morning i would wake up and thank God that He made YOU for ME. This morning I especially thanked Him, that He had blessed us to make it to 20 years and that I was more in love with you today than when i proposed to you at that restaurant 20 years ago; something i didnt think would be possible. You were my best friend, I thought you wanted to grow old with me. I thought we would retire in Venice; like we always talked about. I never decieved you. All you had to do was come talk to me. All you had to do was tell me what was going through your mind. I would have told you about the surprise; i would rather you know about the party than you thinking I betrayed you. For 20 years i gave you my all, why would you automatically believe that I would do something so reprehensible as cheat on you?"
Then he dropped the envelope,that had what she though was the projections, on her lap. She opened it and saw that it was a deed to a villa in Venice in both their names with a note that said,
"20 years and still going strong...ready to retire with me in Venice? Happy Anniversary, I love you"
****I hope this reminds alot of you to ask questions before assuming the worse. You'll be able to save yourself a lot of heartache if you know exactly what you need answered before you've jumped too far!
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Chicana Artist-Margaret Garcia
"Comida de Verano"
The Insight to my Childhood
On August 29th, 2009, my friend Roberto invited me to go to a gallery showing of one of his Artist at his gallery in Los Angeles. I hadnt been to a gallery opening in years and thought I needed to get out more and open my self to new things.
When I turned 40, I told myself I would try new adventures and then write about what I had experienced. So luckily, Roberto invited me while I made this new pact to myself.
The name of the artist was Margaret Garcia and her showing was called, "Second Sight". I was in awe when I saw the paintings. The use of color was so amazing; it took me back to my childhood.
"Sergio"Walking throughout the gallery I saw several pictures that surfaced so many memories and emotions. The picture above, I knew I was meant to see, especially when I saw that the name of the painting was "Sergio". It reminded me of my own brother, Sergio. I look at the painting of this young boy who has so much promise and potential, unfortunately, he doesn't believe it.
I look into his dark black eyes and I see the same look that my own brother gives me. Instead of seeing hope and faith; I see despair and pain. As a big sister, the last thing I'd ever want for any of my brothers to feel is...pain; I didn't know how to relieve it.
If this painting had me feeling like this straight out the box, what were the other going to do to me? Looking around the gallery; I was about to find out.
"Preciosa"The painting above reminded me when we were kids and we would go to Baja to visit family. The local restraunts had hostess' dress in long red dresses with a rose in their hair. Seeing this picture took me right back to that time. Seeing the "nopales"..the cactus... in the picture reminded me when my Mom and I would talk about certain people and I'd say, "they say their not Mexican" and she'd reply, "Psh...por favor ("Pa-lease"), not Mexican, you can see the pinchi nopal on their forehead"...which was a saying she and my Tias would use when someone tried to deny their Mexican heritage. She said the nopal (cactus) was a symbol of our Mexican heritage. Seeing those cactus' just made me laugh to myself as I remembered those several conversations; and how much I missed her.
"Melissa con Almohada"This one made me feel secured. I thought back to being a child and feeling bad or hurt and finding comfort in my pillow. The pillow was my friend...it held my tears when i would cry, my teeth marks when I was angry and couldn't release it any other way. The pillow would listen to me when i needed to speak or yell and the pillow would never talk back. And if it did, I would have been checked into a hospital for not being in my right mind...(*giggle). The other day I was watching Jennifer Garner in "13 going on 30", you know the one, where she plays a 13 year old who wishes she was 30 and wakes up to her wish coming true, but freaks out when she finds out her male best friend and she are no longer friends...she asks for water and a big fluffy pillow. The feeling she felt holding the pillow was that of "Melissa and her almohada"...comfort and security.
"Unknown"This one above didnt have a name, this is why I named it "unknown". She was so beautiful; she reminded me of the murals that the neighborhood homeboys would have painted on their Monte Carlos and Cadillacs. Looking at her, I thought this is what a "Latin Queen" looked like; what my Mother looked like in heaven.
Friday, September 04, 2009
SoulHipJaFunk captures my Soul; The music of BTS
Balance and the Traveling Soundshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLvPsVpyriA&feature=related
Im still figuring out how to put videos on this blog, but click on this link, this has to be my favorite song on the cd, "Music ft Angelica", the way KIRB decribes his dedication to Music is how I feel when I write.
Hello My readers,
I need to tell you a new group I have been turned onto: Balance and The Traveling Sounds also known as BTS. Their music style is a fusion of Soul, Hip Hop, Jazz and Funk. Yes, you read right, they have fused all four genres into a new genre of music called SoulHipJaFunk...one word..SICK!!
The group consists of: KIRB, the MC, EBO-the producer (does all the Beats) Alvin- the vocals, Ryan Kern on guitar, Jell Kolhede on sax, Julian Hogan on drums and Blake Estrada on the bass.
I've known KIRB's Godmother for years and the first time I heard him "spit" was at birthday party about two years ago. I remember hearing him freestyle thinking, "Wow, he can really flow" not knowing that he had been doing his music for years.
When I was first told that KIRB and a group of his friends did a CD, my thought was "I'm not that much into Chicano Rap", but I would support because he was, after all like family, and get a CD.
I hadn't listened to the CD when I first recieved it, my daughter had gone on vacation to New York and when she came back she asked me, "Ma' did you listen to Adrian's (KIRB) CD" "No, not yet, I need to be in the mood to listen to it" I replied, remember..I thought I'd be listening to Chicano Rap.
"Its real good, when i was in New York, I listened to it everynight to sleep to" she said.
Sleep to? Who sleeps to Chicano Rap?
"You slept to it?" I replied rather shocked.
"Listen to it" she insisted. She grabbed my iPod and downloaded the CD and handed me the head phones.
Then I heard the intro of someone putting in a tape deck asking if it was the beginning..then the music started and then the beats..KIRB started with "BTS...BTS...BTS...the sunrises at the crack of dawn..." then the sultry voice of Alvin jumps in "..another life is lost where do we pick where we left off.."
WHAT? This sounded nothing like Chicano Rap...how did I sleep on this CD?
Listening to a few more bars...I was HOOKED...my favorite line in this song is when Alvin sings..."like moments captured in your mind, just press play, fast forward and rewind." "...Let Balance and Traveling Sounds move you..." you definitely hear all the genres when listening to this song... they demonstrate what that new sound is..and it's called SoulHipJafunk!!!!
I listen to the rest of the CD..and I have to say...it do not have one song that I did not like.
The song that really "moved" me, if you will, was Music ft Angelica. Listening to KIRB's dedication to Music, reminded me why I love writing so much. If there was theme song to when my paper and pen meet or when I begin to hit the keys on my laptop to express my emotions....this would be the song.
Most artist when creating their CD's and selecting which songs would be hits, usually out of 15 tracks...maybe you'll get 4 or maybe even 5 tracks that'll be hits (that's if they are lucky). But this CD...I liked ALL 15 tracks. Yes, I have my favorites...Intro (SoulHipJaFunk), Sounds Travel, Fell Down, Rain, Don't Stop, and Music.
This was why Michael Jackson's, Thriller did so well...nearly every song on that CD was a smash
I cannot wait to see the success of this group flourish...and they will.
To BTS..... much success!
*Note: If you want a more technical review of the CD check out BaLAance & the Traveling Sounds blog at : http://www.soundstravel.blogspot.com/
You can listen to more of their music at: http://www.myspace.com/balance123
I'd like to read your thoughts on them, please comment.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
I AM a Goddess!
This picture sybolizes everything I think of when I say.."I AM a Goddess"
I had been having writer's block, some time ago and i did not know what to do. I want to finish my book and I figured I just need to get some inspiration; so I called out to Mi Gente and My comadre said "turn to my inner Goddess and ask myself, "Why am I a Goddess?"
Hmmm, this one had me a bit stumped...so i started to think...Why AM I a Goddess...?"
Had she asked Why do i consider myself a Reina? I could answer that without thinking twice. "I AM Reina because I expect to be treated as a Queen should be: with respect, with love, with courtesy, with admiration, for my children: with FEAR!"
See...that wasnt a problem...pero...a Goddess?...not as quickly. So me, being the writer I am, I needed to do some research before answering the question.
Therefore I researched..."What IS a Goddess?"Webster's dictionary had this for a defination: actually two:
1. A female god 2. a woman whose great charm or beauty arouses adoration.
Interesting.
Then I found some more, here are other definations I found on sites like Wikipedia:
*A female god; A human female honored or adored as physically attractive or of superior charm and intelligence; A human female revered as divine, as in the case of the Germanic prophetess Veleda of the first century AD
*A wight of exeptional ability or power, which is divine. Intimately connected with the land, or a people, or some archetypal ability or practice. In Asatru, every thing, every person, every concept even has a god.
*Goddess is a diety; a diety is any supernatural being worshipped as controlling some part of the world or some aspect of life or who is the personification of a force
*A powerful entity that possesses numerous miraculous powersAfter carefully reviewing each of these definitions and how they pertain to me, I answered:
“I am a Goddess because I have the power to connect with anything, anybody or any place I encounter,
I am a Goddess because I am Fearless…ready to take on the world!
I am a Goddess because my loyalty runs deeper than any valley in existence, (ah, the Lioness in me)
I am a Goddess because I am a Mother…pretty miraculous.. if you ask me…
I am a Goddess because I am admired,
I am a Goddess because I am despised,
I am a Goddess because I am loved,
I am a Goddess because I am hated,
I am a Goddess because I am respected,
I am a Goddess because I am feared,
I have come to the conclusion that I am a Goddess because……I AM a Friggin Reina!!!!!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
This Place
****Below is the something I wrote on a whim when i went to register for a creative writing class.at the local college. I did this thinking I had submit some of my creative work in order to take the class. Turns out that that wasnt a prerequisite...but English 101 was.
Enjoy...I still get goosebumps everytime I read this.
This Place
Something about this place helps me find serenity. I feel so relaxed when I enter the door, as old friends welcome me while new ones are introduced. This Place takes me to areas I've never been before and reminds me of areas I'd like to revisit.
I head upstairs, to the right, then straight ahead, my childhood awaits me. I laugh to myself as I hear the Mad Hatter chuckles to Alice, "Where's your hat?"
I hear a voice call me from behind, I get up, walk to the left and then I'm reminded of how excited I was when I became a "young lady" an excitement that started with, "Are you there God, It's me!"
Oh! How I love this Place, it helps me to escape the world I so desperately would like to run away from. Helping me to become someone else, if not for eternity but for a few hours. In those hours I AM that cinder girl who finds her prince, the southern belle who begs the world "as God is her witness she'll never go hungry" or the journalist who has five amazing chicas in her life she calls Sucias.
I hear voices from the past and present keep callng for me. They tell me, scream at me, "Remember Us!!"
"Remember how I fought for women's equal rights!", one exclaims.
Another whispers, "Remember, when I marched to D.C. and told the world of a Dream I had".
Then the sofest voice I ever heard, but yet so loud says, "John 3:16".
I'm reminded, "For God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life"
"Yes, Remember us all, listen to our words, feel our pain, live our lives, so you may live your life with more abundance"
Yes, this Place reminds me of where I've been and where I'm headed.
Oh, this Place, I do try to visit every chance I get. I want to meet the new additions to the family, a family I hope to become part of one day.
Before I walk out, I search the list, a list that says my friend made it ..........
NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER
Paper Cuts!
I'm sitting here at work...on my break of course...and people watching. I see hostile tension between co-workers, the comadarie between others...then I see "them"...the couple that thinks that no one in the office knows are a couple...yiiiiyah..rrrright...no one can see the eye glances, or the slight touch of the shoulder, or how when you laugh; you feel the need to touch him with each giggle...you're right...no one notices because you hide it soo well.
My readers, this brings me to an interesting topic; have you ever worked somewhere and started up an office romance? Well I have been down this road...some ended amicably and well...others... not so kindly.
First, you have your interview...when asked, "Would you like a tour of the office?" You first instinct is, "Hell ya, i wanna see what type of people work here! Are the girls fashionable? Are the guys good looking? How about my boss?" Without realizing it, in the back of your mind, you're wondering if you'll be hookin up with any one; BEFORE you're even offered the job. But of course, you smile nicely and say, "Yes, a tour would be nice of, what would hopefully be my new work environement" you chuckle, the HR director chuckles and proceeds with the tour. She takes you through the orientation suite, then the break room, you stop at the IT office...you check it out, look around, but no one is there..then tour around the floor, look into the offices; see some good looking people. Lastly, to make it back to the receptionist area, thank the HR Director for their time and go home and cross your fingers for THEEE Phone call.
Well, congratulations, you got the job! Your first day is Monday and it so happens to be that there is a company meeting that day. Nice...you'll be able to scope everyone out and see if there are any potential datable people. You make eye contact with one good looking fella'; he smiles, you smile and then, without thinking...you wink at him, he gives you a coy smile while he blushes. Then, wouldn't luck have it, you're on the same team; you'll be working side by side with this cute guy.
Meeting is adjourned and off to the desk, that will be your new "home" for 40 hours a week. You meet your new collegue, you extend your hand and with poise introduce yourself, " Hi I'm Pandora". He smiles, you can see he likes your confidance, turns over to you and shakes your hand and says "Hi, I'm Adam".
Mmm Adam, you check him out from head to toe, dark hair, dark eyes, built like an adonis...oh..to see this man, you would think the Statue of David was a replica of THIS man...oh yummy..he's well dressed in a nice pinstripe suit, pale blue shirt, no tie....you make your way down to his feet and see that he's finished off the beautiful suit with wingtip shoes and while scoping out his shoes; you begin to pray to the fashion gods, that he's wearing...BINGO!! Black socks! To me it is such a turn off when a man wears white socks with EVERYTHING!!!
His handshake is firm, it says he isn't afraid to treat you like an equal not like a dainty flower with a whimpy handshake. I personally cant stand those type of handshakes...i like to be taken seriously...a strong, firm handshake says it "...I'M HERE FOR BUSINESS!!"
My readers, this brings me to an interesting topic; have you ever worked somewhere and started up an office romance? Well I have been down this road...some ended amicably and well...others... not so kindly.
First, you have your interview...when asked, "Would you like a tour of the office?" You first instinct is, "Hell ya, i wanna see what type of people work here! Are the girls fashionable? Are the guys good looking? How about my boss?" Without realizing it, in the back of your mind, you're wondering if you'll be hookin up with any one; BEFORE you're even offered the job. But of course, you smile nicely and say, "Yes, a tour would be nice of, what would hopefully be my new work environement" you chuckle, the HR director chuckles and proceeds with the tour. She takes you through the orientation suite, then the break room, you stop at the IT office...you check it out, look around, but no one is there..then tour around the floor, look into the offices; see some good looking people. Lastly, to make it back to the receptionist area, thank the HR Director for their time and go home and cross your fingers for THEEE Phone call.
Well, congratulations, you got the job! Your first day is Monday and it so happens to be that there is a company meeting that day. Nice...you'll be able to scope everyone out and see if there are any potential datable people. You make eye contact with one good looking fella'; he smiles, you smile and then, without thinking...you wink at him, he gives you a coy smile while he blushes. Then, wouldn't luck have it, you're on the same team; you'll be working side by side with this cute guy.
Meeting is adjourned and off to the desk, that will be your new "home" for 40 hours a week. You meet your new collegue, you extend your hand and with poise introduce yourself, " Hi I'm Pandora". He smiles, you can see he likes your confidance, turns over to you and shakes your hand and says "Hi, I'm Adam".
Mmm Adam, you check him out from head to toe, dark hair, dark eyes, built like an adonis...oh..to see this man, you would think the Statue of David was a replica of THIS man...oh yummy..he's well dressed in a nice pinstripe suit, pale blue shirt, no tie....you make your way down to his feet and see that he's finished off the beautiful suit with wingtip shoes and while scoping out his shoes; you begin to pray to the fashion gods, that he's wearing...BINGO!! Black socks! To me it is such a turn off when a man wears white socks with EVERYTHING!!!
His handshake is firm, it says he isn't afraid to treat you like an equal not like a dainty flower with a whimpy handshake. I personally cant stand those type of handshakes...i like to be taken seriously...a strong, firm handshake says it "...I'M HERE FOR BUSINESS!!"
So, Adam begins to train you, shows you all that needs to be done so the team is successful. You catch on the his flirtatious attitude and just like an archer looking for a bullseye, you find your mark, only you're the arrow and he's the bullseye.
You begin to learn the business and go to him for everything, even for the most tideous things; just to be near his "aroma". Your heart starts to skip a beat when he comes near your desk, you think he's coming to talk to you, only to see that he has to pass your desk to get to the community fax. Oh, Adonis Adam...notice me, because you will be mine.
He starts to ask you out to lunch, you play coy and decline the first two times he asks, saying you had prior plans but "maybe next time". "Keep him interested" you tell yourself, "you dont want to play too hard to get". So, when next time happens to come around, you decide to invite him for lunch. Unlike you, he gladly accepts, you go out to lunch and people from the office start to notice that you two are becoming "friendly". Then the stares, whispering and snickering begin. You tell yourself, "who cares nothing is happening; even if there was, its none of their business"
He starts to slack off at work,but you dont care, because look at him...he is FINE!!! You decide to cover for him. When upper management assigns a report to be completed by the end of the week, just like a school girl meeting up with her high school crush, you get all giddy because you'll be working late nights with him. You work 12 hour days to get the report completed, Adonis Adam hadn't worked one hour of overtime...as soon as quitting time strikes, he hits the door without so much as offering to help complete the report.
You thought the late nights would spark up the romance between you two, but all you have to show for those late nights are not the sensual glow of a woman being with her adonis, but rather countless papercuts from trying to get the report completed by the deadline.
Since there wasnt much for him to do and you decide to get bold...you ask him if he'd like to go out for drinks. You know it was a rough week (mainly for you since you did all the work) and figured this is exactly what you needed to get the edge off. He accepts and says, "I know just the right spot"...you take that as an enuendo and reply, "First, you'll need to buy me a drink before you try to find the right spot" and then wink at him. A smile comes across his face...HOOKED! "I got him interested" you think to yourself.
The night is definitely eventful. What started out as a couple of drinks, turned into tequila shots being thrownback left and right. Your confident because you can handle your liquor which has him more intrigued with you. Then he goes for it...steals a kiss. But is really stealing when you know you would have been very willing to give it to him? One thing leads to another and you wake up in a hotel room. Passed out beside you is Adonis Adam, he's sound alseep, you slowly run your fingers down his body..thinking out of all the men in the office to date, you got THIS man. Then...something overcomes you and you have the urge to look through his wallet. Call it intuition or maybe plan ass noseyness, but you know it'll eat at you if you dont. You slide out of bed trying not to wake him and reach for his pants to get his wallet and notice that his phone is vibrating. You pick it up to see the caller ID and across the screen says, "WIFEY"...WHAT!!??? Frantically you pull out the wallet and as you flip the wallet open, you hope it will only be his driver's license...no...its a wedding picture of him and his "WIFEY". You grab the phone and throw it at his head and wake him..." What the hell!!!" He screams. You respond in a calm voice,"Oh, my bad...I thought maybe you'd want to answer the phone call from your WIFE!!!!" you shout.
You grab your clothes and run to the bathroom and begin to cry...as the tear falls from your eye, down your cheek it strikes right down on one of your papercuts; stinging it. You grab your finger and squeeze it to stop the stinging. All you can think about was: What was work going to be like on Monday!
So, my readers...please think twice before starting off an office romance, because if not careful, you just might end up with a papercut!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Someone was able to capture my first 40 years in...."A Time Comes"
This was forwarded to me and it was an amzing read; kudos to the unknown autther. This sums up exactly whay I felt when I woke up to my 40th birthday. Hope you all enjoy it as much as i did. All i can say is..."GWOW!!!"
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ? ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes and you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.
And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to respect your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing, and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world, and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love; romantic love and familial love. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and you learn that love is a verb, it is action. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less.
And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest.
And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.
On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -- the ego. You learn that feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise--to never betray yourself. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live, as best as you can.
****NOTE: Again, please let me disclose I am not takingin credit for this; I did not write this (oh, how I wish I had, it says everything I had been trying to put down on paper for quite some time...whomever the author is, "I thank you")
A Time Comes
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ? ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes and you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.
And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to respect your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing, and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world, and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love; romantic love and familial love. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and you learn that love is a verb, it is action. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less.
And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest.
And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.
On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -- the ego. You learn that feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise--to never betray yourself. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live, as best as you can.
****NOTE: Again, please let me disclose I am not takingin credit for this; I did not write this (oh, how I wish I had, it says everything I had been trying to put down on paper for quite some time...whomever the author is, "I thank you")
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
A New "Leo" Gift to the World
The Pied Piper of BabiesIsis seems to have a way with babies, they just love her.
I'm so excited that my Bestest's son was born, August 8, 2009. We went to go see them at the hospital on my birthday, talk about a great gift. He turned to me and said, " I know you said you wanted a baby girl on your birthday, but would you settle for a baby boy the day before?"
Look at him, how is that settling? He's beautiful!! No matter when the baby was born, that is not settling, that is a precious gift...I would have been thrilled no matter the month or day he was born.
I'm so excited that my Bestest's son was born, August 8, 2009. We went to go see them at the hospital on my birthday, talk about a great gift. He turned to me and said, " I know you said you wanted a baby girl on your birthday, but would you settle for a baby boy the day before?"
Look at him, how is that settling? He's beautiful!! No matter when the baby was born, that is not settling, that is a precious gift...I would have been thrilled no matter the month or day he was born.
Congrats my Bestest!! Love you!
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Three Forty One
It is the eve of my 40th Birthday. My friends and family came out to celebrate this milestone in my life last night, actually…wait… it was two nights ago. We had a flashback to the 80’s party, as you all read earlier in the blog and we had a ball. It was great seeing old friends, some whom I haven’t seen in years and the new ones came out to celebrate as well. Not to even mention family members whom I haven’t seen in months, My Auntie Eva came out from Idaho to celebrate with me and my brother, it was a perfect touch to a perfect celebration.
However, I couldn’t help feeling a bit saddened, one person especially didn’t make it to see this milestone happen….my Mother.
I’d received a call from my Comadre Jenny two days before the event, she was to fly out for the party, however, the call was not to give me flight information but to tell me that due to circumstances beyond her control, she was unable to make it. When I heard her finish telling me the news a huge wave of emotion consumed me. I tried to fight the tears and then she said, “Coma’ go ahead and let them out, I know because I did the same.” Just like someone turning on a faucet, I began to sob. I told her in between the tears, “I didn’t think it would affect me like this”. We spoke some more and then we hung up, but not before we said our “I love you’s” …just as we’ve always have because you never know if that’ll be last conversation you ever have with that person.
After the phone call I sat and cried some more, I was baffled as to why I reacted the way I had.
Then it hit me…this is the first birthday without my Mom. A lot of people have told me that the first holidays after a loved one has passed away are the toughest.
The first holiday was her birthday, it was two days after she passed away, but we didn’t grieve, we actually had a birthday dinner for her and celebrated her life, so we still felt a strong presence with us that day.
Then came Mother’s day, yeah, that one was tough; we only stayed long enough for me to give her and my grandmother flowers. The minute I saw the marker where she was buried, I started crying. I looked at my husband and kids and told them, “we need to go” and we left.
Fourth of July came around and 3 of my 4 brothers were with my family and I. We went to our old neighborhood for the Fourth of July firework show. Everything was fine…we had spent the earlier part of the day swimming and then taking long walk to grab some lunch. We returned back to our site where we had setup our chairs to watch the show; we sat to eat and the band started playing. We always liked hearing the band, they played great cover music and we just enjoy ourselves and watching people around us dance and sing along…then it happened. A few cords were played and I knew the song immediately; I felt like the dog that was trained to hear a bell and his mouth started salivating because he knew it was time to eat. For me, it was when I heard “Brown Eyed Girl” that my eyes would tear up and the vision of my Mom in the hospital telling me “My Brown Eyed Girl...every time you hear that song you think of me, okay? I love you”…I turned to my brothers and all three of them must have had the same memory because they too had tears in their eyes. Then to try to make light of it, we all reminded each other of how we spent last Fourth of July in Huntington Beach and how pissed Mom was because she had to walk so far to get to where we were and it was blazing hot. She wanted to kill all of us; we all remembered how she looked at us that day and we just started chuckling about it. Had we known then that we weren’t going to have her with us this Fourth of July, we would have had someone carry her to us, so she would have not had to walk in the heat!
My brother Sergio was the first of us to have his first birthday without Mom. At the party I wanted to know what that felt like. “Brother, this has been bitter sweet since Mom is not here. Since you were the first one to have the first birthday without her, was it hard?”He looked at me and said, “you know Sis, I aint gonna lie…its been tough and I try not to think of it, because if I do, it reminds how I missed her funeral and pain surfaces again. I like to think it’ll get easier, she made was strong, right?” He was right and I told him, “She made us each strong but the five of us together…she made us invincible!!” then he kissed me on my cheek and wished me a happy early birthday.
Then it was Frankie’s turn, the next to experience his first birthday without her. Since the party was on his actual birthday, we didn’t get a chance to talk about it. I do know however, that he was thinking about it because he went to the cemetery to visit her earlier in the day for his birthday before the party started. …which I thought wasn’t a bad idea.
I suppose for me it’s been especially hard because ever since I could remember, every year my Mom would always wake me up the middle of the night to wish me ‘Happy Birthday’; when I was old enough to ask why she always did that, she said, “I always want to be the first to wish you happy Birthday, Mija...it was August 9, 1969 at 3:41 am that you were born. As long as God gives me strength to wake up every year at that time, I will always be the first to wish you happy Birthday.
Since then, no matter where I was on my birthday, whether I was home asleep, I’d get woken up or if I was out for my birthday…there would be note on my bed waiting for me…”its 3:41am, you weren't here, but I wanted to be the first one, Happy Birthday My Brown Eyed Girl”, I’m bummed that I never saved any of those notes. I would have loved to have been able to place those in my scrapbook.
As the years went on, she didn’t have the strength to do it anymore, so I would get phone calls later and later in the day. Now with her being gone, the phone calls at 3:41 am or 3:41 pm will be no more…and that’s hard to accept.
Now as I’m typing this blog entry I look at the clock and its 3:40am, I look at my bedroom door and hoping that at 3:41am she’ll be coming through that door to wake me up and be the first to wish me Happy Birthday. I’m not delusional I know that’ll never happen; I have a better chance of going to sleep and wait for her to appear to me and tell me, “My Brown Eyed Girl made it to 40, Happy Birthday, Mija”
I thought my first Mother’s Day was bad….but I would have to say…no…it’s definitely my first birthday without her….now, that’s tough.
However, I couldn’t help feeling a bit saddened, one person especially didn’t make it to see this milestone happen….my Mother.
I’d received a call from my Comadre Jenny two days before the event, she was to fly out for the party, however, the call was not to give me flight information but to tell me that due to circumstances beyond her control, she was unable to make it. When I heard her finish telling me the news a huge wave of emotion consumed me. I tried to fight the tears and then she said, “Coma’ go ahead and let them out, I know because I did the same.” Just like someone turning on a faucet, I began to sob. I told her in between the tears, “I didn’t think it would affect me like this”. We spoke some more and then we hung up, but not before we said our “I love you’s” …just as we’ve always have because you never know if that’ll be last conversation you ever have with that person.
After the phone call I sat and cried some more, I was baffled as to why I reacted the way I had.
Then it hit me…this is the first birthday without my Mom. A lot of people have told me that the first holidays after a loved one has passed away are the toughest.
The first holiday was her birthday, it was two days after she passed away, but we didn’t grieve, we actually had a birthday dinner for her and celebrated her life, so we still felt a strong presence with us that day.
Then came Mother’s day, yeah, that one was tough; we only stayed long enough for me to give her and my grandmother flowers. The minute I saw the marker where she was buried, I started crying. I looked at my husband and kids and told them, “we need to go” and we left.
Fourth of July came around and 3 of my 4 brothers were with my family and I. We went to our old neighborhood for the Fourth of July firework show. Everything was fine…we had spent the earlier part of the day swimming and then taking long walk to grab some lunch. We returned back to our site where we had setup our chairs to watch the show; we sat to eat and the band started playing. We always liked hearing the band, they played great cover music and we just enjoy ourselves and watching people around us dance and sing along…then it happened. A few cords were played and I knew the song immediately; I felt like the dog that was trained to hear a bell and his mouth started salivating because he knew it was time to eat. For me, it was when I heard “Brown Eyed Girl” that my eyes would tear up and the vision of my Mom in the hospital telling me “My Brown Eyed Girl...every time you hear that song you think of me, okay? I love you”…I turned to my brothers and all three of them must have had the same memory because they too had tears in their eyes. Then to try to make light of it, we all reminded each other of how we spent last Fourth of July in Huntington Beach and how pissed Mom was because she had to walk so far to get to where we were and it was blazing hot. She wanted to kill all of us; we all remembered how she looked at us that day and we just started chuckling about it. Had we known then that we weren’t going to have her with us this Fourth of July, we would have had someone carry her to us, so she would have not had to walk in the heat!
My brother Sergio was the first of us to have his first birthday without Mom. At the party I wanted to know what that felt like. “Brother, this has been bitter sweet since Mom is not here. Since you were the first one to have the first birthday without her, was it hard?”He looked at me and said, “you know Sis, I aint gonna lie…its been tough and I try not to think of it, because if I do, it reminds how I missed her funeral and pain surfaces again. I like to think it’ll get easier, she made was strong, right?” He was right and I told him, “She made us each strong but the five of us together…she made us invincible!!” then he kissed me on my cheek and wished me a happy early birthday.
Then it was Frankie’s turn, the next to experience his first birthday without her. Since the party was on his actual birthday, we didn’t get a chance to talk about it. I do know however, that he was thinking about it because he went to the cemetery to visit her earlier in the day for his birthday before the party started. …which I thought wasn’t a bad idea.
I suppose for me it’s been especially hard because ever since I could remember, every year my Mom would always wake me up the middle of the night to wish me ‘Happy Birthday’; when I was old enough to ask why she always did that, she said, “I always want to be the first to wish you happy Birthday, Mija...it was August 9, 1969 at 3:41 am that you were born. As long as God gives me strength to wake up every year at that time, I will always be the first to wish you happy Birthday.
Since then, no matter where I was on my birthday, whether I was home asleep, I’d get woken up or if I was out for my birthday…there would be note on my bed waiting for me…”its 3:41am, you weren't here, but I wanted to be the first one, Happy Birthday My Brown Eyed Girl”, I’m bummed that I never saved any of those notes. I would have loved to have been able to place those in my scrapbook.
As the years went on, she didn’t have the strength to do it anymore, so I would get phone calls later and later in the day. Now with her being gone, the phone calls at 3:41 am or 3:41 pm will be no more…and that’s hard to accept.
Now as I’m typing this blog entry I look at the clock and its 3:40am, I look at my bedroom door and hoping that at 3:41am she’ll be coming through that door to wake me up and be the first to wish me Happy Birthday. I’m not delusional I know that’ll never happen; I have a better chance of going to sleep and wait for her to appear to me and tell me, “My Brown Eyed Girl made it to 40, Happy Birthday, Mija”
I thought my first Mother’s Day was bad….but I would have to say…no…it’s definitely my first birthday without her….now, that’s tough.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
80's Throwback Pix
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Isis and Natty...hip hop and pop together
Ah... the women of the Clicka
My Bestest and I start off the Soul Train line..
*Note: More pix from the evening..are posted on my Facebook
The Nerd I married, he was such a good sport about us dressing him up.
The shirt I had made for the evening read:
"La Reina turns 40"
One of the group shots featuring, Valley Girls, Rockers and Nerds... Oh MY!!
"David Lee Roth" and his groupie
Isis and Natty...hip hop and pop togetherAh... the women of the Clicka
My Bestest and I start off the Soul Train line..showing dem young'stas' how its done..
That's right
"Its my Birfday I'm Shorty its my Birfday"
That's right"Its my Birfday I'm Shorty its my Birfday"
I wish you all enough!!!!
Love you!
Love you!
*Note: More pix from the evening..are posted on my Facebook
80's Throwback Birthday Bash
Our Birthday cake, couldnt afford the 80's bday cake i saw, so I improvised. Included MJ (RIP) and of
course the infamous
AQUA NET!!
Hello Hello The 80's throwback bash...was a SMASH!!
My Brothe Frankie turned 35 on the day of the event (August 7), my 40th bday is tomorrow (Ausgust 9)...we did it like our Moms use to do whe she celebrated our milstone bdays...TOGETHER. The invite list consisted of 100 people, about 80% showed up AND showed out!! The 80's gear every one wore brought back so much memories, ones that I thought I had forgotten until last nite.
The first part of the of the day was a bit rough that I contemplated cancelling the event...sooo glad i didn't. I needed it very much and from the pictures so did alot of people.
The picture I used for this poster was taken at our Mothers memorial service, we were remembering a funny moment about our Mom and our Cousin Judy captured this shot...talk about perfect!
Since this was a combo bday bash, I needed a birthday sign that rep'd both of us. The Birthday poster was just what I was looking for. I surprised my brother with it...and he was.
The DJ for the eveing was DJ Streek (Henry Martinez) those of you who went to high school with us, know that having DJ Streek on a flyer would insure a big turnout for your hoiuse parties. So, I knew when i decided to do the throwback, iut would be featuring my boy!! As my daughter says, "Henry killed it with the music" (Trust...this is a HUGE compliment from a 16 year old)
As people started to arrive, we saw..."NERDS" (Actually, only one Nerd), "Easy E & Dr. Dre", "David Lee Roth & one of his groupies", lots of Valley Girls, some 80's Hootchie Mamas, a "Latoya Jackson", (yes, she was very 80's)we had Hip Hop B-boys, some prep boys with their collars popped up and even a "Carlton" was their...a bit taller than the original.
Due to the sound ordinace (yes...sound ordinace...damn haters ) we had to shut it down, with the last song being played by 11:30pm...
We had to end right...with a Soul Train Line....What did we stroll to...none other than Jamaica Funk!!!
It definitley was a memorable nite and with the way my brithers and I started out new year, this was what we needed.
Thank you who were there and those of you that were not able to make it...I would have no problem re-creating the evening again. Enjoy the pcitures.
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About Me
- Dleesaa
- I'm a writer that writes from the heart...and emotion (ergo, the name of my blog). Most of what I write about, I have had first hand experience in. Anything I review does not say I am an expert...I only write what I THINK and whether I like it or not! Not how the rest of the world should think or feel. I am Mexican/Italian and a Leo..again..why my blog is called the World of Emotion!! Hope you enjoy what I have to say and/or review. Enjoy!